I am, in fact, not a real bear.

The only reason people consider me so generous and giving is because I overcompensate due to looking at myself, seeing a vast abyss of selfish egomaniacal narcissism, and being too vain to accept people seeing me that way as well.

This is also the root cause for the insane amounts of self loathing I deal with.

So there ya go.

I am a level 15 lawful-evil bureaucrat.

If it is possible at all to fill and file a form correctly, I will do so efficiently, without error, and with misplaced joy. Even if it’s longer than my thesis. This is automatic and no dice roll is required. The receiving organization has to make a willpower check else approve the form without reading it in it’s entirety.

Once per tax reporting period as defined by my company license (unless my company license is updated to change my legal address, in that case, the longer of the two possibilities), I can pass any standardized exam, on any topic, without study, or even knowledge of the language it’s written in.

Additionally, twice a day (holidays excluded, except labor day, and Saturdays only before noon), I can rubber stamp any form using only the power of my mind and a rubber stamp.

I killed a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

I don’t really have one but I feel like I should. I’ll work on this and get back to you.

are you trying to start a “we all have secrets” thread in lemmy “anonymously”

I chuckle at people who can’t understand the short story hidden in my Lemmy mugshot.

I dunno why it got downvoted