I (21M) live in an Ohio household of hardcore Trumpers who, unfortunately, found out that I voted for Kamala Harris.
My father and brother are fascists. They believe in killing anyone who disagrees with Trumpism. My mother is not violent, but drank basically all the QAnon Kool-Aid and is batshit insane.
I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight. I also can’t safely lift anything that’s heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.
I am also financially-dependent on my mother at the moment.
We moved to a new house recently, and the walls are very thin. That allowed me to overhear a private conversation between my father and brother.
My brother said that he hates Harris supporters so much that he wants a day of retribution where he goes on a violent rampage to kill everyone he knows who supports her, especially gay and transgender people. When my dad asked if that included me, he did not hesitate to say “Sure.”
My brother is in peak physical condition. He owns guns and has military training. I had long suspected that he is the biggest potential threat to my life, but gaslighted myself into thinking I was overreacting. Today, he confirmed it.
My brother isn’t the type to throw out threats of violence willy-nilly. He has also physically abused me in the past when we were younger and has major anger issues. I believe that I have to take this threat seriously, and that means that I need to evacuate ASAP. I think the most likely day for him to act is on election night or shortly after, which would give me just over a week. But then again, I can’t be sure. Maybe he is planning a surprise.
My mother is too unreasonable to take any of this seriously.
I have a few thousand dollars and Democratic relatives from the South who might potentially take me in, though I don’t know for sure if they will, since we’re not close emotionally. I also don’t know if my brother will go out of his way to target them once he notices my absence. He is going to an out-of-state Trump rally this week, so I know that he doesn’t have much trouble crossing state lines.
I don’t know where my birth certificate and social security card are, other than that my mother has them somewhere. My father is home the entire time and stays in one spot where he can see everything. Even if I knew where they were, there is no way for me to retrieve them without him noticing.
Fuck fascism. I was born to a family of vile abusive sociopaths. It was hell the whole time. I won’t miss any of them. Fuck them. They are a disappointment to the rest of my family line. I spent my entire life learning how to become a decent human being in spite of it all and now the fuckers want me dead. FUCK. THEM.
The thing that separates me from the rest of my family is empathy. I refused to hate the people they wanted me to hate. Instead, I listened to their stories and befriended them. I care about everyone, not just straight white Christians. I voted for Harris because I wanted the best for everyone, which means preventing the installation of an authoritarian regime. And for that, I must pay the ultimate price.
I may never get to experience love or deep friendship, but no matter how this all ends, I vow to spend the rest of my days pouring out as much love and joy as I can out to every last ally I meet.
Any advice would be helpful. I don’t want to wait, but I also can’t do this without some kind of plan. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing, so any input is appreciated.
Thank you.
This is a long reply. I’ll do it in spoiler tags for the convenience of people who don’t like that.
It sounds like you already have your answers on what to do, which is the question everybody is trying to answer:
There are two other ways to understand what you’re asking for in this post.
The first is validation to build confidence in your decision.
You have it.
Nobody is in a better position than you are to judge the seriousness of the situation. Trust your gut and get out.
The other way of reading the question is not what to do, but how. Logistics. This is the thing that hasn’t been addressed.
This suggests you don’t drive, and that long walks or waiting at a bus stop aren’t good options for you. Since you’ve presumably lived with your disability for some time, I’m going to assume you have local transport options sorted out - please reply with more details (level of urban, distance and size of nearest cities if rural, details on who drives you places if applicable, social connections) if if that’s wrong.
You may or may not not have much long distance travel experience. How have you made longer trips in the past, other than your parents driving?
Driving
Unemployed friend should be your first choice here: probably happy to make the trip if you cover gas and lodging. Stay at home parent is less likely to be able to get away because of the need to handle childcare. Retired people you know are probably also connected to your parents, which make them riskier options.
First, don’t use Facebook for this - too easy for it to get back to your family. Use your favorite search engine or app store to find a “road trip carpooling” tool. Probably as manybas possible, if you choose this option.
With your disability, you’re more vulnerable to unsympathetic or even politically hostile drivers. When they ask about your trip, don’t tell them why you left. You’re going to visit family you haven’t seen in a while. Talk about things you’ve done with them in the past, and what you’re looking forward to doing with them now. Don’t mention things that convey their (or your) politics.
If you’re paired with a MAGAt or someone who holds otherwise objectionable views, do not push back. Express indifference, or even agreement if that’s what it takes. You’re vulnerable both because of your disability and because they control your transportation - you don’t want to be stranded at the next rest or gas stop.
Air
You will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. You can buy a ticket online through a site like Travelocity, Kayak, or Orbitz. That will usually be cheaper than through the airlines. Print your ticket if you feel safe doing so, otherwise you can get it at check-in at the airport.
Show up over an hour early - preferably two, I don’t know how muvh your disability may slow things down. Check-in is probably at a kiosk. Then ask the first uniformed person you see for mobility assistance. With your standing issues, that will probably mean someone to push you in a wheelchair to TSA. Documentation of your disability may help here, but shouldn’t be necessary.
After TSA, they’ll probably send a golf cart to rake you to the gate. Once boarding is called, disability should make you eligible to board at any time. If you need to lie down to keep enough cognitive ability to recognize the right boarding call, do so, and explain to any official that tells you to sit up (but they probably won’t). Ignore any passengers that say anything about it - you don’t have to answer to them.
When you board, make the flight crew aware of the cognitive issues with sitting. Ask them to tell you specifically at each stop if it’s time for you to exit the plane.
When you arrive, ask for mobility assistance again. There will be a taxi stand at the airport if you need that. You may not want to call ahead to your family even then, so you can make your request in person not to contact your brother and parents.
Bus
Greyhound, or Megabus. You will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. It will be physically challenging.
Again, you can buy tickets online. I recommend this, as they sell out. If buying and printing the ticket at home is not safe, you can still plan the trip and then buy at the terminal if there is one - but it limits your starting point options to actual terminals (not all Greyhound stops have them). The ride will be long, cramped, and you will almost certainly have to change buses at some point. Bring something to do that won’t run down your phone battery, like a book or knitting.
There will be less assistance than with flying. Lying down at the station is more common, but if they’re full they’re more likely to make you sit up despite your disability. There will be stops where you can buy food. There won’t be a taxi stand at the other end, but there will almost certainly be a local bus stop.
> I also can't safely lift anything that's heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.
Do you have a rolling small suitcase you frequently use for taking things with you when you go places nearby? If so, pack what you can in that. Ignore things that can be easily replaced (personal care items, fashion clothing, etc) and plan to replace them when you get where you’re going. Thrift stores are your friend. Focus on things of emotional, medical, or financial value. If there’s room left, pack underwear since that can’t be gotten used.
If leaving with anything would be unusual, don’t. Getting you out is the most important thing. Everything else is secondary. If you go the APS route for your ID, they can help you retrieve some belongings at the same time. Otherwise, plan to figure it out later.
you have to put
::: spoiler button textat beginning, not just::: button textCaught that within a few seconds of posting, but edits seem to take longer to propagate than the original post
Great breakdown! I’d like to add train to the options. OP might be able to utilize an Amtrak train for a portion of the trip depending on the travel destination. Here’s a map of their routes. Tickets can be purchased online, they offer assistance for disabilities, and they have places to lie down or eat food.
If you decide to fly OP, consider getting a pack of gum to chew on to help with pressure/popping in your ears during altitude changes of takeoff and landing.
Thank you, I thought I missed one! Again, this will also require some form of ID. It also provides greater leg room and comfort than airplane or bus. The seats also recline more than either of the others, which may be helpful given OP’s cognitive issues with sitting up for extended periods.
I’d add shelters to the list if you can’t immediately get direct travel to family. Many provide support services as well which can help you on your next steps.