Honestly, I don’t think the second one is a mess (except punctuation). I think it just conveys - or at least suggests - that something out of the ordinary is happening. It takes mundane things and makes you question them, given the extra attention given to the normal things like a name or place. Sounds like John maybe isn’t his real name and maybe he’s going to this store for something other than groceries.

Go play a very public and dramatic round of disc golf

This feels like a personal attack

I don’t know if I would count HTML alone as coding either way, tbh. It’s a markup language, not a programming language.

Excited for next wipe

Nah, for sure Project Zomboid

I think Doki Doki Literature Club fits here

Fits most MOBAs and comp shooters like Valorant and OW, tbh