This is almost identical to what I said to my kid. I explained that it would be a process for both of us and he would need to be as patient with me as I was with him.
My kid has not spoken to me in 4 years. Two slip ups (said she or her twice accidentally) and me saying I was just going to avoid pronouns until it sunk in. Nope. “Fuck you dad. You’ll never see me again.”
His mother messed him all up though. We were very young when she got pregnant (I was 15) and naturally we didn’t make it as a couple.
He was allowed to eat family packs of Reece’s multiple times a day until he was so overweight it was ungodly. I was the bad guy for trying to do anything about it. He had to have a meal separate from everyone his entire life. If the family was having baked chicken and vegetables, my son was having ramen noodles or chicken nuggets. The body issues started there. When I refused and said, “Eat with the rest of us and eat healthy or I can’t help you. I can’t in good conscience feed you pop tarts and ramen for dinner.” Mom used this to paint me as some kind of monster who was starving my kid.
When the kid got to middle school those kids ate him alive. He ended up developing an eating disorder and starving/surviving on lettuce. Mom finally decided it was time to do therapy and blamed me for it. “You just had to make a big deal about what he ate!”
My kid has been spoiled and turned into a self obsessed person who I don’t recognize and I’d cut a foot off to just have my kid back. He’s an adult though, and I can’t change any of it.
All I can do at this point is hope that he regrets this one day but I don’t have much hope. That kid could have a best friend and love them with everything, and then just cut it off like it was nothing over some small thing and never speak to that person again, so my hope is very small.
Sorry to spill all that here. This just made me spin when I read it.
All I can do to show my love is keep paying for the services. (Netflix, Spotify, Hulu, etc.) And it wouldn’t surprise me at all if he’s laughing at me for it, but I’m happy to be doing something, anything. As silly and small as it is, it’s all I have left.
Y’all take care and if a trans kid reads this and can relate to this story, please don’t skip on your family because things aren’t going the speed you like. My kid stopped talking to everyone in my family overnight and never had a conversation with anyone but me. I get that it can be hard and I’m certain there are people who you will have to leave behind, but don’t cut your lifeline/support network and burn bridges unnecessarily. You could end up regretting it and causing yourself and everyone else a lot of unnecessary pain.
That is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry. It sounds like there isn’t much you could have done differently, though. It’s an absolute shame that trying to be the responsible adult caused you to be painted so negatively. 😞
Sorry to hear that, thanks for sharing, sending love from the other side of the screen.
I have a sister who similarly decided the rest of us were “toxic” because my parents tried to motivate her into getting off their couch and doing something with her very hireable college degree.
Haven’t heard a peep from her in years. Shit stings every day.
I’m impressed that he actually researched the issue, and from non-extremist sources, too! This has got to be a difficult, frightening thing for any parent, so he’ll need as much patience and reassurance as possible. He sounds like he’s definitely worth it.
This is the best that anyone can hope for, i think.
I would remind him that you love him and appreciate his support.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
This is almost identical to what I said to my kid. I explained that it would be a process for both of us and he would need to be as patient with me as I was with him.
My kid has not spoken to me in 4 years. Two slip ups (said she or her twice accidentally) and me saying I was just going to avoid pronouns until it sunk in. Nope. “Fuck you dad. You’ll never see me again.”
His mother messed him all up though. We were very young when she got pregnant (I was 15) and naturally we didn’t make it as a couple.
He was allowed to eat family packs of Reece’s multiple times a day until he was so overweight it was ungodly. I was the bad guy for trying to do anything about it. He had to have a meal separate from everyone his entire life. If the family was having baked chicken and vegetables, my son was having ramen noodles or chicken nuggets. The body issues started there. When I refused and said, “Eat with the rest of us and eat healthy or I can’t help you. I can’t in good conscience feed you pop tarts and ramen for dinner.” Mom used this to paint me as some kind of monster who was starving my kid.
When the kid got to middle school those kids ate him alive. He ended up developing an eating disorder and starving/surviving on lettuce. Mom finally decided it was time to do therapy and blamed me for it. “You just had to make a big deal about what he ate!”
My kid has been spoiled and turned into a self obsessed person who I don’t recognize and I’d cut a foot off to just have my kid back. He’s an adult though, and I can’t change any of it.
All I can do at this point is hope that he regrets this one day but I don’t have much hope. That kid could have a best friend and love them with everything, and then just cut it off like it was nothing over some small thing and never speak to that person again, so my hope is very small.
Sorry to spill all that here. This just made me spin when I read it.
All I can do to show my love is keep paying for the services. (Netflix, Spotify, Hulu, etc.) And it wouldn’t surprise me at all if he’s laughing at me for it, but I’m happy to be doing something, anything. As silly and small as it is, it’s all I have left.
Y’all take care and if a trans kid reads this and can relate to this story, please don’t skip on your family because things aren’t going the speed you like. My kid stopped talking to everyone in my family overnight and never had a conversation with anyone but me. I get that it can be hard and I’m certain there are people who you will have to leave behind, but don’t cut your lifeline/support network and burn bridges unnecessarily. You could end up regretting it and causing yourself and everyone else a lot of unnecessary pain.
That is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry. It sounds like there isn’t much you could have done differently, though. It’s an absolute shame that trying to be the responsible adult caused you to be painted so negatively. 😞
Sorry to hear that, thanks for sharing, sending love from the other side of the screen.
I have a sister who similarly decided the rest of us were “toxic” because my parents tried to motivate her into getting off their couch and doing something with her very hireable college degree.
Haven’t heard a peep from her in years. Shit stings every day.
I’m impressed that he actually researched the issue, and from non-extremist sources, too! This has got to be a difficult, frightening thing for any parent, so he’ll need as much patience and reassurance as possible. He sounds like he’s definitely worth it.