For some context, we are first generation immigrants. My parents are Russian, my mother and her husband have been living here for 20 years (even got rid of Russian citizenship couple years ago), my biological father is still living in Russia.
It’s damn exhausting to discuss political topics with them, especially my father. He keeps telling me how great it is to live in Russia, how their economy is doing great and how he’s proud that they are defending their “brothers” in Donezk and Luhansk from the evil bandera regime in Ukraine.
My mom voted far right in the past election. She doesn’t believe she voted for nazis, but the party’s views on economics, climate policy and immigration seem to align with hers. She believes wind farms are harmful for the environment. What the actual fuck.
Whenever I try to argue with them, they tell me that I’ve been brainwashed by “Western propaganda”.
I’m at a loss. I love my parents and I know that nobody’s immune to propaganda, but it’s heartbreaking to see them holding these toxic beliefs. How would you deal with parents like these? Should I just declare to never talk about politics with them again since it’s pointless?
I have conservative parents. I’m hoping it will personally affect their lives enough that they understand how ignorant and irrational they’re being.
If they’re drawing social security or on Medicare you may get your wish soon.
Or just show them video of trump talking about how he’s going to slash entitlements.
What’s more important to you: having a relationship with them or changing their views? I don’t mean this as some kind of “gotcha” thing. This is the choice you need to make.
You already have your simplest solution to this (don’t talk politics with them), but you made this post because you don’t like that solution.
Thankfully most things in life aren’t so black and white. It’s possible that you can work on them very very softly and slowly over time, but this all comes down to what you can stand in order to keep your relationship with them.
I personally think that attempting to avoid political topics with them is the best direction to go here, but it’s not my parents or my choice to make for you.
Should I just declare to never talk about politics with them again since it’s pointless?
Yes. I thought that was obvious, when have you ever seen children being able to convert their parents?
Yeah. As Dave Ramsey says “If they’ve wiped your butt, you’re probably not going to change their mind.” Lol.
While this is not incorrect, it needs to be stated for the record that Dave Ramsey is a fucking tool.
Let the record so reflect!
My parents were anti-gay marriage back in the day… they converted when they were faced with the fact that ALL OF THEIR KIDS are queer hahaha
They’re totally cool with stuff now, and very much not right-leaning anymore.
I unbrainwashed my mom but not my dad
My mom was a conservative along the lines of McCain and Romney. My sister and I played a part in converting her, but Trump did the heavy lifting.
Science. Use the truth: find articles, researches and data.
You can’t use reason to convince someone away from an opinion they arrived at unreasonably.
You can enter the doubt. The goal is not to win an argument but to create a paradigm, the Socratic method presupposes listening to the opponent while continuing to ask him for insights that he will not be able to give you if he has not studied them.
No contact
Tell them what you think and then cut them out of your life. That is what I have done. Fuck their nonsense.
This is way overkill. If political opinions are the only issue you are having with your parents, then just avoid talking about politics. It’s that simple. Cutting them out of your life over something like that is cruel, silly and dramatic.
That really depends on the political views. If someone’s belief is that certain groups do not deserve to exist/live, or at least doesn’t care enough about those views of the party they voted for, that is absolutely reason enough to cut them out of your life.
Just avoid the conversations. You can’t change their mind.
I cut them off.
You can’t win, unless you delete their social media. There is nothing you can say or do that won’t be erased by their next Facebook visit. They are also co-dependent and will not divert from their course individualy
Are they, especially your mom, different in person?
I have this one aunt who will hold forth in any crowd, insisting on whatever conspiracy theory she read on Facebook most recently. It’s tiring to the point that most of my adult life I’ve avoided her at family get togethers. But last time I saw her, just before pandemic, we happened into conversation away from everyone else. She came across lucid, intelligent, and we had a good conversation. wtf? Where has all that been?
If you’re set on doing this you need to accept you may never be successful.
Also it has to be something gentle, not necessarily subtle, but compassionate. If you don’t accept that they believe in their views then they will only feel attacked and lash out for defense.
As for actually changing their views, choose one or two things that you can point to in examples they can observe. Propaganda has a very hard time defeating our own eyes and ears. I don’t even know which country you’re in so you’ll have to figure that out for yourself.
Another way to change their views is to get them to volunteer with organizations that help people down on their luck. A lot of times, just hearing the stories of how people ended up in need of help can change attitudes.
I work in Arizona with the homeless and downtrodden. The overwhelming majority of them are right wing and are homeless because they actively refuse help, among other severe mental health issues.
That sucks. I’ve had the opposite experience. Obviously the mental health issues are a thing but usually the people without those issues are keenly aware of why they slid into homelessness.
This is a positive recommendation :) know that you might succeed, but attempts coming from compassion instead of belittling or impatience. I tend to engage in asking certain questions until they reveal to themselves that they don’t support the things they’ve been tricked into believing
If you live with them it could be tricky but let them know you will not be talking politics or any kind of emotionally charged topic with them going forward. Lets keep it light and stick to the things we agree on and leave everything else at the door.
If they start trying to drag you into a forbidden topic, simply let them know you are heading off to do something since you dont have anything to add or contribute to topics that you are uncomfortable with like you mentioned to them before.
Start with this and let us know if they bite
Although I don’t live with them, the topic comes up every time I am on the phone with my father. He keeps yapping and yapping about how great the motherland is, until I snap. It seems it’s all he ever wants to talk about - Putin this, Ukraine that.
Thank you for your advice, I’ll try setting up some boundaries next time he calls.
Ya just let him know you’re not spending your time and mental energy on that stuff. Stop talking to him on the phone or let him know that as soon as things are falling off course into that stuff, you gotta go and take a break from him for a few weeks.
Eventually he will get the message but if its still a problem after that, might need to go no contact to demonstrate you’re serious
I gave up on my mother after she voted for Trump this past election. I had been accommodating her terrible beliefs by instating a “no politics” rule in 2020. But her helping him back into office again is too much. I have friends who he wants to harm and that’s not acceptable to me.
It’s damn exhausting to discuss political topics with them, […]
Then don’t, and if that’s the only thing they’re willing to talk about, make passive aggressive remarks about their lack of conversational creativity.
