Fuck.

I’m barely getting by. Too burnt and overwhelmed out to do things that make living feel more worth it, or to get on top of the backlog that’s dragging me down. I’ve just been in survival mode for too long, and I feel like I’ve forgotten how to live — how to be me. I desperately need some aims that can give me a sense of forward momentum and act as a thread that connects different days, but my capacity is so low that even the basics of daily living are too ambitious for me to reliably do right now.

I’ve got a long history of struggling with suicidal ideation and I do worry that some day, I’ll just break and won’t be able to stop myself from making an attempt. In the past, when I have struggled and made attempts on my life, it was because I chose to stop being alive. This feels different because even when I’m at my lowest, I do desperately want to live, but I feel like it isn’t my choice. Either I will or won’t be enough, and to some extent, all I can do is wait and see. That limbo is what’s getting to me though; it’s why goals are good for me — they keep me focussed on where I want to be heading and this grounds me.

In terms of how people could help, I don’t think they’re is anything, besides continuing to be the lovely people y’all are. The world is grim, but I’m actually in a pretty healthy place re: social media usage — the people here remind me of the power of human connection. Anyone reading this doesn’t need to direct me to mental health resources, because I have actually started receiving support on that front. It’s just that unpicking a heckton of trauma and rebuilding a life from scratch is a lot of pressure; it’s hard to feel like life itself isn’t just saying “git gud, scrub”, when the ordeal of getting on top of everything is so arduous.

I’d say it’s a middle-ground situation.

I’m 31, yet still can’t afford my own apartment, not without being on a waiting list. Meaning I’ll probably get my own proper apartment by the time I’m 40.

However, it’s not so bad, because I’m sharing a place with my younger brother.

Unfortunately, though, my younger brother is an avid Musk supporter.

My job, Just Eat, just got bought by a major tech company. 4th biggest in the world, I think. So om worried about what that’s going to mean.

However, Just Eat in Denmark has a strong trade union club, and I’m an active member in it. Might even become Co-representative one day.

It is unfortunate, however, that all this is taking away from what I love doing. I practice 3D modelling, animation. I’m slowly learning about game programming. I do 2D art. I have this science fiction universe with characters and aliens and adventures i want to make something with. But between my job, the furry commissions I have to make, and some freelance work I do for a Bionicle project, there is very little time left to work on my own ideas.

Honestly, I’m worried about my job and how difficult it will be to get another if I get laid off (I work in Tech) due to business shenanigans and things out of my control. My mental health is at an all time low because of the anxiety; last month it was due to Trump and Elon’s attack on the integrity of US Govt Services, and before that the looming climate crisis. It’s affecting my sleep and recently I get slight headaches throughout the day. I’m so tired of feeling anxious all the time.

I’m burnt out mentally; if I get laid off this year I’m just going to activate my NZ Working Holiday Visa (applied in advance in expectation of layoffs) and just chill.

I’m doing good, though I spent the whole last 48 hours working on a tiny, tiny writing project so I could get it exact, and it might not even lead to anything. The things I do when I need to sleep.

got hit by a basketball a week ago on my left thumb and it still hurts, but whatever, luckily if it gets worse I can just go to the town hospital and get it fixed for free

I do worry for all that’s happening in the USA and for what that means for us Europeans, but there’s not much I can do apart from voting

Parents are still on the far right ideology, I made the accident of mentioning politics and they said Zelenskyy is a dictator put in power by Biden, and that Putin is right by attacking them because they tried to join NATO…

Whatever. I just hope I get old enough to not get drafted when Putin decides to invade us.

I’m slowly prepping for whatever is to come, but money is tight, and nothing’s helping.

I’m sleeping decently thanks to meds, but I still have many issues at home and at work because of ADHD, and I often end up lying on my bed with many things to do, no energy to do them, and at the same time too much energy to rest, which only fuels my frustration.

I have a couple hobbies I do when I’m not terribly down, but they don’t involve leaving my home and my social circle reflects that, I have a couple of distant friends left and even just the thought of a partner is light years away

but hey, my dog’s happy

man, I wish I was my dog

Sleep is like it’s always been. Tired in the morning and awake in the evening. The lack of daylight in the winter is getting worse and worse the older I get.

Other than that quite good and slowly getting better.

I am quite unwell for the most part. I spend most of my time alone. I’m either at home playing games in a filthy room (because I never have the energy to clean it) or I’m at the low-paying job I hate surrounded by people I’m either indifferent to or despise. As for a personal life, that’s about it. The only person I’m close to is my sister and we don’t even want to talk to eachother at least fifty percent of the time. I’m in my mid-twenties, can’t drive, and I live with my parents who I believe would have kicked me out if they didn’t feel sorry for me. Mental illness runs in my family so I don’t bother talking to them about it because they’re all dealing with their own shit. I feel no excitment for anything. I spend most of my time bored and alone which I hate to admit. I know it’s not, but it feels almost shameful. I’m not going to jump off anything in case anyone is worried, I just wanted to take this opportunity to vent.

Living on public housing only with food stamps and little money from my aging mother, can’t afford anything, barley can eat, disabled and can’t work although been applying everywhere but disabilities means I’m disabled. But government says I don’t exist, wants to take the little things I have away like food and shelter, government says I can work because I can checks notes “fold laundry” and “work a telephone switchboard”.

Been like this for the last 10 years battling every day to just exist

Oh and don’t forget the government internment camps that I probably will be forcefully joining next couple years because I’m different

Every day hearing stuff about Trump is eating away at me. I remember four years ago. Depression settled in. I’m afraid for the next four years of this. It’s only been like 5 weeks.

Pretty good! Doing things that feel meaningful and interesting. Able to follow global politics and read in ways that couldn’t 3 years ago due to work stress. Life situation is excellent. I feel very lucky, and trying to use that to make myself useful.

Stressed about finances, I splurged on a few things that were not essential, but were wanted for varying reasons, some sentimental, some out of sheer practicality in that treating myself is a good thing every once in a while. Now my budgets blown for at least a month or so until I can rebuild the savings I dipped into.

It’s a mix. The heating is out on my apartment, so it’s currently 55 degrees in here, and i have no clue when the furnace will be fixed. My kitties don’t seem to mind, but it’s definitely feeling frigid. On the plus side, i sign a lease for a new apartment walking distance from my job on Friday, so won’t be a problem for long. I had to get an advance on my pay, but it will be worth it to be able to walk to work everyday. Financially i am fucked, but that’s been no different for the past year, so I’ll just have to accept that

I am doing better as I realize a lot of things are out of my hands.

I voted, show up to protests when I can, boycott the companies at Trump’s inauguration.

So I joined a gym to go to classes to force myself out of the house and trying to read more to deprogram the effects of social media on my attention span.

But overall im exhausted and have this underlying worry of what dreams I’ve been having lately. I don’t believe that much in messages received in dreams but I’ve had some trippy moments lately.

I feel like deflated Squidward every day.