When I was a teenager, I thought people in their 20’s were the most attractive. Now that I’m about 40, I still think people in their 20’s are the most attractive. It’s hard for me to believe that I might ever be attracted to someone past retirement age, even when I’m past retirement age myself, unless the person is like one of those celebrities who look way younger than they are.
This isn’t something I can comfortably ask most older people I know, but there’s one man who admits that he isn’t and one woman who is. Which is more normal?
As seems to be the consensus, I still find people in their 20s physically attractive, but the prospect of spending any significant amount of time talking to most people more than 5 or so years separated from my age is pretty exhausting. If we’re talking long term relationships, I’d rather compromise a bit on looks in favor of a roughly contemporary personality than vice versa. And, as I get older, my threshold for “attractive” softens a bit to accommodate that personality.
Great answer!
As a 40 something this pretty much matches my thoughts.
I would add that my hormones have settled down in the last 20 years as well. Like when you’re 20 there’s this “imperative” to pursue sexual encounters. Now it’s still there but it’s just more sensible.
I’ll also add that I think around 30 is the most appealing age. I probably thought that when I was 18 too.
I’m 40, and I’m really only attracted to people my age, maybe late 30s, but much younger than that and I’m really not into it. This has been pretty consistent my whole life, of course I had crushes in school, but after being a teen probably around 22+ I Really wasn’t interested in teens. But 30 I was not interested in 20s. If I had to find someone, which I’m really not anticipating, I wouldn’t bother dating someone younger than 35-38 through whatever 45-50 range.
I’m… Unfortunately older than I wish I was. I am very solidly Gen X. I still find young people physically attractive. But I also find people my own age attractive; I most certainly would not have found people my age attractive when I was in my 20s. Even though I may find younger people attractive, I have zero interest in relationships with them. Not only do I already have a partner, but I simply have nothing in common with most of them. If I make references to Thundercats or He-Man, that shit is going to go entirely over their heads, and I’m likewise not going to understand any of their cultural references.
You’re one of several people mentioning shared cultural references, but if you’re male and your partner is female then I’m surprised that she has any interest in things like Thundercats or He-Man regardless of her age. I’m more of a Transformers fan myself and I’ve never even met a woman who would respond to anything Transformers-related with more than just polite disinterest.
I’m a nerdy heterosexual man, and in my experience practically no women share my interests or hobbies. Therefore my relationships have been built around doing the things that pretty much everyone enjoys - eating a nice meal, going for a walk, talking about current events, playing with pets, etc. A good partner is someone who enjoys doing these ordinary things with me. Maybe someone who does share my interests would be even better but I don’t think finding a person like that is likely enough to be worth passing up other opportunities.
I wonder why your experience is apparently so different from mine. Am I unusual or are you?
There is a reason why retirement homes and nursing facilities are the #2 highest locations for STIs, behind college campuses.
I’ve heard that statistic but it doesn’t match what I’ve seen in my own family. My grandparents weren’t physically intimate with each other even when I was a kid and they were relatively young. (I lived with them so I would have noticed if they ever wanted private time together, and they never did.) This, combined with the fact that many people in nursing homes are in no condition to actually have (consensual) sex, makes me wonder if the explanation for that statistic is not as straightforward as it seems.
As a 40 year old male I find that character becomes a bigger factor, even if it sounds cheesy. Sure, a hot but bland 20 something can be attractive and that will not change, but I would rather spend my time with an interesting 60 year old. Maybe it is because I am no Adonis either. But I also like to believe that a DiCaprio type situation would make me deadly afraid of taking advantage of someone at a much different stage of life.
I would also theorize that as it becomes more difficult to guess the age by looks alone character becomes a more important differentiator. Of course some signs of age can not be hidden, but there are plenty of 18 year olds dressing much older as well as lots of older women not giving off grandma vibes.
Your body is 40. You’re still 12.
I’m sure that holds up well in court
I tend to find people around my age the most attractive. I’m in my mid thirties. 20 year olds look like babies to me and the idea of being with one in any sense is not appealing.
This wasn’t the case when I was younger. A 30 year old wasn’t attractive to me when i was 20.
Yes the riper the banana the sweeter the taste…
I’m in my mid-thirties and I know that I’m going to be not as marketable to people even 5 years younger than me. I have a soft spot for older people and have been attracted to those twenty or ten years from me. The conflicting part I keep approaching is that if I theoretically date one of them, they’re going to die before I will and I’m not sure I’m equipped to handle it when they get older and are going to need a lot of assistance. I mean if the love is strong enough, exceptions may be made but I’m still uncertain.
Love can age like wine, but it varies from person to person.
Obviously I’m going to find those 10 years younger than me attractive, but is it really because it’s their personality or because I’m wondering how they look without their clothes? Their personality would probably wind me down quick so it’s physical at this stage.
I would say maybe a case of what are you referring to as attractive. I’m also iny 40s and would say 20s looks good, BUT, the gap in lived experiences, world views, musical tastes, etc, would get tiresome very quickly.
I also recognize that I’m not some Hollywood hero pretty myself, so trying to base a relationship on what is physically appealing as the first thought is not going to go far.
Dated a girl almost 10 years apart, not that huge in the grand scheme of things. We didn’t have a thing in common and it didn’t last long…never again
I’m definitely not old (~30), and my preference has generally been my age +/- 5 years.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that my sexual attraction has migrated from being solely based on physical attributes to being partially based emotional connection, intelligence, passion, etc.
I think it’s also important to note that an individual’s “peak attractiveness” can occur at different stages of their life.
You’re developing romantic attraction. It’s different from sexual attraction, but usually people think of them as one and the same.
I disagree that it can only be romantic attraction.
For example, I can find a random person attractive if they’re displaying a skill they’re proficient in, talking passionately about a subject they’re knowledgeable in, or freely enjoying themselves. And all without feeling any kind of romantic inclination towards them.
It’s primarily sexual despite the fact it’s not necessarily physical
As someone markedly older than that, physical attraction is always worth appeciation, but the ability to understand and discuss our world in a nuanced fashion without having to explain things at an overly simple level is priceless.
It comes as no surprise that sexual urges dip as you age. Having someone you can really relate to, though, never gets old.
Xaviera Hollander said it best.
“A man isn’t old until there are no women his own age who excite him. A woman is old the first time she looks for clothes that make her look younger.”
You have to stop and think about what is really sexy.
Is it sexy when someone pretends to be into you? Most people would agree not.
A person 20 years younger than you, are they really attracted to you? Do they really know you? Do they really want to be with YOU?
Once sex becomes about the intimate connection and not just the physical bumpin uglies, it changes.
That said, looking at porn and fantasizing you can pretend to be any age you want. Thus, you may find yourself thinking you are not attracted to people your own age if you are only looking at porn of the “hottest” people.
No, it just becomes a more suitable option. It’s important for the survival of a species to mate as soon as ready, so there is some natural attraction towards that age. There are often outliers, of course. They are natures way of probing for better ages.
to mate as soon as ready, so there is some natural attraction towards that age.
Are you sure?
It sounds more like a death sentence than a survival mechanism in this economy.
Evolution didn’t plan on an economy even existing
Hard to tell what is ‘normal’. Humans can be extremely diverse in their preferences and views.
I am about the same age as you. 20 to 30 year olds are most attractive to me in general too.
