i am not talking about performance anxiety i think

it is something else

i might feel

  • being close to someone = danger = EJECT EJECT EJECT
  • someone i like shows she likes me = danger = PUSH PUSH PUSH her away
  • i am needy therefore i will be exploited
  • those who love get screwed. so i must not get close to anyone i love
  • i have no support network therefore i will be badly hurt when this ends, and almost everything ends
  • she does x or y, so she is not good enough, so i won’t get close to her
  • gonzo-rand19@moist.catsweat.com
    0·
    12 天前

    I don’t think I can really offer you any useful advice since I have never dealt with this. But I noticed you’re in therapy, that’s great. I couldn’t help but see that you wrote this:

    those who love get screwed. so i must not get close to anyone i love

    i have no support network therefore i will be badly hurt when this ends, and almost everything ends

    I think these 2 statements are contradictory, or at least will prevent you from progressing emotionally while you hold both to be true. I would really recommend that you talk about these 2 things with your therapist.

    Please take care, it must be horrible to experience what you’ve described. I imagine that it’s taking a large toll on you physically and emotionally, so try to go easy on yourself.