Saw a comic recently about this topic and got me thinking. I know what “the talk” is about since it appears in so many media but I don’t ever recall having such an experience personally. Did you? What was it like?
I was a late 80s kid, just for context. As far as my experience goes, my parents were very open about sex as a natural process for reproduction. They answered openly any questions I had whenever I had them, keeping to the bare minimum necessary but never avoiding the topic- also never using metaphors as a substitute for plain facts ie. “the birds and the bees”.
So at about age 5 or so I was already aware about how reproduction worked on animals, us humans included. As I kept growing up of course I kept connecting the dots on any social aspects of sex and relationships (ie that is supposed to be pleasant, that people do it even if they’re not planning to have babies, etc) but I never had a moment of shocking realization regarding sex. I often found it stupid how some of my classmates would giggle or lower their voice when talking about anything sexual like, well, like it’s a taboo. And I was often disappointed at how much of what my classmates knew wasn’t exactly true, which at the time I chalked to their stupidity, although obviously it wasn’t their fault. They were misinformed.
By the time kids got to sex ed in highschool they already had their facts pretty much right though, fortunately.
So I’m curious about your experiences about this while growing up. Was yours similar to mine or did you sit through some awkward conversations? How did you feel about it all?
Yep, the morning after I lost my virginity.
When I was a pre-teen I asked my mom about it because I’d been playing The Sims 2 and figured out that your sims can woohoo or they can try for baby, and both look like the same thing. And of course 1 sim day after the lullaby jingle plays upon woohooing the female sim enters the first trimester, and 3 sim days later you have a new baby sim in the family. She was very factual about it all, but didn’t bother to talk at all about anything other than explaining vaginal sex. I had to piece the rest together from what I learned at school.
Fortunately I had fairly decent sex ed, except it was painfully boring and felt no different talking about human reproduction than when in highschool biology we talked about how plants reproduce (complete with extremely vague heavily photocopier-burned diagrams of anatomy that look almost entirely unlike what it’s depicting which we had to label) but they at least discussed condoms and birth control pills, and even demonstrated a condom on a wooden phalis when I was in high school so that’s a lot more than I’m sure some kids get
For my own kids, my oldest is 5 and has already asked. I’ve left it extremely scientific because she’s way too young for a proper talk in just explaining that a male secretes sperm that fertilizes an egg which eventually forms a baby. She wanted more detail but I had to leave that at “when you’re older”. I’ll probably have to give an updated talk when she’s 7 or 8 to make sure she knows about periods and maybe I’ll then go into more detail so she can be armed with knowledge should any boys take an interest in her (and statistically many boys have watched porn by age 10 which is terrifying)
25% of Canadians are no longer virgins by 12, which means that 12 is too late to start discussing it for 25% of the audience.
I started talking to my kids about it when they were about 5, and made it a policy to answer any question they asked at the level of detail they asked, with the exception of personal details in my own sex life. I think it worked out pretty well, even if it wasn’t exactly comfortable. Did have to say to one of my now-married kids that I’m happy they have a healthy sex life, but I’d prefer the sex paraphernalia not be left in the common areas when we stop by.
I learned everything from the internet, my parents never told me a thing! Luckily, I had stumbled onto a very sex positive forum, and that’s where I got all my info—not pr0n. I asked a lot of questions (I wasn’t even 13 yet) and the folks there were very helpful. I learned how to not let anyone disrespect me, how to respect others, how to actually do… sex… anything at all—I had NO knowledge before going into the forum.
I had sex ed but it consisted of “this is your body changing, babby happens when sperm goes to egg”, I didn’t even know that for sperm to get to egg, penis goes into vagina! Or what an orgasm was! It was quite the journey.
Like most parents, my mom was uncomfortable talking to me about sex, but unlike most other parents, she recognized her discomfort as her problem and she did her best to work around it. She didn’t want me to have the same hangups. Fortunately, this was the 1970s, and she had a lot of resources available. There were lots of books about sex, and she gave me some, and left others around the house for me to read when I wanted.
At the time, I don’t think there was any specific law against allowing your kid to look at, say Playboy magazine, much less more explicit material. You’d probably get prosecuted for it now, which is reasonable. At that time, Playboy was still fairly softcore, just air-brushed breasts and gauzy drapes. And there were “nudist” or “natural” publications, with people having sex out in nature without the photo tricks used today, so you really couldn’t see much. I was allowed to look at those for a while, although I think the adults felt ishy about it, and soon put those away.
Good on her!
Yes I remember seeing the 70s Playboy magazines for the first time in my life just a few years ago, and I loved them. As you said, they were more about erotic nudes but it was also mixed up with tasteful art, literature (not all of it erotica either) and articles on contemporary culture. I would absolutely want to buy a few issues if I ever get the chance.
no never had.
was about 30(M) when learned that the menstrual cycle in women is not the same as “heat” in dogs. was about last month when learned there is a time slice in the month where getting pregnant is almost impossible (right before / after cycle apparently ). shocked my mum when asked if humans are born with eyes open, or closed like puppies
but i never felt interested in that , just gross
My father once mumbled something about “keeping it in the cage” that was about it.
After a tear through multiple foreign women I figured it out myself.
I only know of one classmate who got the talk but personally I didn’t get anything like the talk just my parents understanding that I knew.
My parents raised me out in the wilderness in a literal compound and hour from the nearest convenience store with no phone or even a mailbox.
So yeah… I had to learn everything about the world through a little black-and-white TV in my room that had big ol’ rabbit ear antenna that if I moved just right, I could get PBS from another town that had a lot of educational programming. As long as it wasn’t about “evolution” they were fine with me watching PBS.
If it wasn’t for PBS I would probably be dead. Seriously, that life doesn’t do a person well, both my parents and a sibling drank themselves to death, others are on the way. I however, learned science, and biology, and how to read and how to do math and a host of other topics that I am going to be an eternal sponsor of PBS for. There was one special that explained sex to some degree, but was still heavily censored. My parents were too busy being high and religious to dream of having an awkward talk with their son, so I was totally on my own.
Thankfully, I learned where to find the “relationship” books on my rare ventures into town to visit places like bookstores and managed to learn a lot about sex from pilfering a book from the sex and relationship section and reading it in the kid’s books section.
Yes, even though they were religious they told me all about sex when I asked, including sex for pleasure and gay sex
Nothing really that I can remember from my parents. I don’t think they were that comfortable with it. But my school had pretty comprehensive health education, including sex Ed. Once in 5th grade, once in middle school (I think I took it in the summer so I could take more electives during the year) and once again in high school, iirc. My college also had pretty fantastic PSAs everywhere.
I remember starting very very early elementary school, like 3rd, 4th grade, kids would ask each other if they knew what sex was, or what 69 meant, or how babies were made, when teachers couldn’t hear, but I have the impression that while some kids knew more than others, no one really knew what they were talking about.
No. I’m first generation Indian in California so no. Thank god for schools in the early 2000s
No.
I was lucky to have an elementary and middle school that still did sex ed talks. My dad wasn’t in a talking mood after roofing all day every day and my mom was a puritanical prude who would much rather I figure it out than actually tell me how to exercise caution in order to avoid pregnancy.
Did you resent the avoidance at any point? Also, did you have questions before getting sex ed talks that went unanswered? I guess that’s what I’m curious to find out, from those who didn’t have any talk or had it too late, what did they do before hitting the first school lesson on the subject.
Oh, absolutely.
They pounded sexual discomfort into me with religion, and I could have had a lot more sex and enjoyed my life more when I was younger if they hadn’t done that. I also would have appreciated knowing more about how sex needs to be for a woman to experience pleasure and more information about body language and consent.
The first time I heard about sex from a friend, I was around 5 or 6 and went to my mom if that’s true. My mom went to the library, got some sex-ed books for kids and talked me through it. It ended up being not one single talk, but multiple, age appropriate ones spread over the years.
She didn’t do a perfect job, I’d say. There were many things left unknown and she was awkward with the topic (not an issue as a kid, certain issue as a teen).Though, considering that she got all her sex ed from magazines back in the day, definite progress on a generational scale.
I’m confident that I could do a better job than her, because she did a better job than her parents. That’s how it all works, no?
That’s pretty heartwarming. You got a good mama
Kudos to her, I don’t think my own mother would have bothered to go get books if she didn’t know how to explain things to me. I think most people’s reaction to facing something they don’t know how to do is to just avoid it, which she clearly didn’t. So yeah, cheers for progress!
My grandparents had a World Book Encyclopedia set. I started reading it around 8 or 9. That told me all I needed to know. (this was before the wwweb).
Yes - I felt like I was getting in trouble, and it was somewhat traumatizing. Kind of hilarious in retrospect
