so this one girl, i’ll call her ella (19f) is transphobic, homophobic

she lashes out a lot, exaggerates things, and cannot read social cues. however, she has autism and adhd and is mentally much younger.

she also gets mad when i call a trans man “he” and she says “SHE’S A GIRL EVEN THO SHE LOOKS LIKE A MAN LOL”

she says she got her views from her parents and refuses to change because “it’s the way i am”. for someone who was mentally 19, I’d cut contact, but she’s mentally a lot younger.

  • Lumidaub@feddit.org
    0·
    20 hours ago

    There seems to be evidence that ADHD brains are a few years behind in development. I think I remember it being 3 years on average? Don’t quote me, I have ADHD and my brain shouldn’t be trusted with details. Anyway, that really shouldn’t result in the kind of behaviour OP is describing though.

    • Ledivin@lemmy.world
      0·
      20 hours ago

      I think I remember it being 3 years on average?

      No chance in hell it’s linear, the gap would definitely change with age. But, as an adult with ADHD, I have certainly always felt a little younger than all of my peers… obviously anecdotal, but 🤷‍♂️

      • Zero22xx@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
        0·
        9 hours ago

        More anecdotal stuff but from lurking in autism spaces I’ve picked up that the feeling ‘younger’ or like a child compared to your peers thing is also felt by a lot of autistic people.

        Personally, I’m starting to think that it’s just one of the ways that our brains deal with feeling like an ‘other’ compared to general society. When it’s clear to you that your mind just isn’t working in the same way, certain things just don’t come as easily to you and that something is definitely ‘wrong’, I guess it makes sense that our minds would register that as also being ‘lesser’ or not as developed.

        I know that my whole life before I started asking certain questions, I’ve always felt like I’m still a child in the company of men in particular. That’s how my brain registered my particular brand of ‘otherness’ my whole life. Which might indicate some sort of internalized misogyny or something. But I’m starting to think that feeling like a child or immature in some way is probably an almost universal thing that people who don’t fit in with everyone else feel at some point.

      • billwashere@lemmy.worldEnglish
        0·
        18 hours ago

        I’m 54 and have ADHD. It may ever regress. Well according to my wife who says I act like teenage boy sometimes … especially with the filter turned off.

      • Lumidaub@feddit.org
        0·
        20 hours ago

        Yeah, I should’ve looked it up first, Russell Barkley says it’s 30% (I got a digit correct yay!). I know what you mean, all my classmates somehow seemed much more mature than me and I had no way to express that feeling back then.