Does it actually matter whether you flirt with someone or not in order for them to (potentially) develop feelings for you? A lot of people have told me it’s intrinsic, as in “If they like you, they like you.” So you should just treat the person you’re interested in like you would any other person.
So if it all comes down to connection and looks, doesn’t that make flirting a bit redundant?
Edit: To clarify, I see flirting as banter to make sexual/romantic intentions known.
Some people think talking to the opposite sex is flirting. Some people would define flirting as how you let them you know you’re interested.
Making intentions known is necessary. Flirting is just one of the preocesses by which intention is established. In that way, it is not strictly necessary, in the same way that cake is not necessary, but food is.
Flirting is a process which intentionally leaves ambiguity because it lets people avoid embarrassment. Being rejected, in many cultures, is embarrassing. By attempting flirting, a person can show interest indirectly, and the other person can show interest in return or show disinterest with quiet cues that let the instigator pull back without having to do something as vulnerable as explicitly stating intentions or experience embarrassment at being directly rejected.
Flirting, like anything else, can also be used as a display of quality, the verbal/intellectual equivalent of peacock feather displays.
How necessary these elements are is entirely contextual. Some partners despise the pretense of it. Others view it as incredibly fun. Some are deeply embarassed by the prospect of rejection. Some are not bothered by it at all.
some people believe flirting is a goal in itself or an indispensable part of life for a valid human. meaning, these type of people can’t conceive the existence of someone who doesn’t flirt nor one who doesn’t enjoy flirting. that’s very dehumanizing for others of us.
not everyone is capable of flirting.
Is chewing redundant? The little swish of a nice beverage? Flirting is the game, it’s half the fun. Sure the other parts are nourishing and wonderful too. But to flirt is to delight in such a primally human interaction.
I mean, if you don’t chew you’ll choke to death on your food, so, no it’s not redundant.
It’s only fun if it’s appreciated by the other party, though.
Same with any pair activity. Paddling a canoe is no fun if one person doesn’t like water and wants outta there ASAP!
Seems like this was answered already, but I’ll add my two cents. Attraction isn’t always 100% physical. It can be and often is tied to personality. Flirting is a way to show your personality in a more intimate way. A good flirt can cause someone else to develop attraction where without it that attraction may not have developed.
No. A well executed flirt can make someone interested when they weren’t before. You flirt with the cute girl at the party and if she’s receptive, maybe ask her out or ask to kiss. Or not. Sometimes flirting is just fun for itself.
Standing there in chaste politeness is going to create a whole different scene with different outcomes.
I’ve been with the same woman for ten years and I still flirt with her every day
Flirting is just part of seduction. It’s not just to “make intentions known”, people are more dynamic than that. Being flirted with will often actually create feelings that weren’t there before. If you enjoy how someone makes you feel, you open up and become closer. Merely being liked by someone can be quite flattering.
So you should just treat the person you’re interested in like you would any other person.
But flirting is how I treat every other person!
Flirting is a means of communicating that a person likes another person. If no one flirted, then meeting people would be even more difficult than it already is.
Attractive is not the same as good-looking. Nice, fun people are attractive. Assholes are ugly.
I have known a lot of good looking girls who I only want to see via binoculars - that way I can enjoy the eye candy but their terrible personality is invisible. Fortunately there are plenty of nice girls that are also good looking that I can get close to.
I didn’t flirt with my partner at all and kept my emotions in. so we didn’t get together until like 8 months of friendship. my SO had 0 idea I had any interest until we had a moment. It overwhelmed SO and led to wanting space between us for a few months. I wonder if it would have been different if I flirted some.
But your SO did like you in all that time?
Lol i just asked and got the standard “oh, I dk” in the cheekist voice possible.
My memory of the situation was no. I was hard friend zoned and my partner has always had zero interest in me physically. Before me i know there was zero interest in anyone beyond standard friendship. That dice roll i did to grab a kiss when I did change both our lives.
Cute. Thanks for sharing.
I see flirting as banter to make sexual/romantic intentions known.
That’s basically what it is. It’s not there to make someone develop feelings, it’s a way to safely make your feeling known and see if they are reciprocated. It’s basically lowering the risk of rejection, if the feeling isn’t mutual and you don’t get a response you can just write it off as a harmless flirt. If (s)he flirts back you can dial it up a notch.
Is this how am AI scrapes the internet for emotional data?
Hey now, I am not AI. I am a real human.
A lot of people have low self esteem and/or don’t see themselves as attractive. Their perception of themselves isn’t always obvious, either. Flirting with them can give them that “nudge” they need to act on their feelings.
Precisely, flirting signals to someone else that you’re potentially attracted to them.
If they’ve written you off as a potential romantic partner for whatever reason (they assume you’d never be interested, they thought you had a partner, they thought you were only ever going to be just friends, etc), then that signal can cause them to start considering you as a romantic option.
