I’ve been trying to meet new friends and new people to hang out with so have been going to a lot of social events.
I noticed that everyone seems to ask for my instagram account and when I say I don’t have one that connection kind of dies, and it feels too personal to ask for someone number when I just met them.
I don’t want to create an instagram because of the privacy invasions of meta but I also don’t want to feel left out when trying to make new connections. Anyone have any advice?
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How is having somebody’s phone number more personal than having access to an account where you can see all the photos they take and shit? I’d just ask for their number.
Anyone have any advice?
- Ask them for their number, and see how it goes? Worst case, they will say ‘no’, end of the story. Maybe the will ask why you don’t have IG and that will be the start of an interesting conversation.
- Try to meet different kind of people? I mean it seriously. I know a lot of people around me who have IG/Facebook/X and so on but at the same time none of them make it a requirement to use it.
- Use a second phone/number for that crap content only? I barely use my ‘real’ phone (I have nothing installed on it beside what I’m required to use) still I do own a second phone just so I can easily share a number with all the services and various craps that ask for one. It’s a phone I never answer to, despite it being constantly harassed by callers. And that peace of mind (my real number is almost spam free) only costs me the 2€/month (plus the phone, I purchased used). You should be able to do something similar for social networks: have a second phone without anything personal on it, just with IG.
- Accept that you’re doomed to use IG because it’s with those ‘IG people’ and no others you want to spend your time with? I like to spend time with people reading books, it’s kinda expected we indeed read books. Would I not like to read, I would not spend as much time with them.
2€/month
🇫🇷❓
I suppose you’re asking if I’m French? Yes. And, yes, it’s a French operator (Bouygues Mobile)
Is this an age thing? I’m about 40 and I never had instagram, barely used facebook, and didn’t use any others really. I don’t think I’ve ever had a problem where someone backed out because I didn’t have instagram. But I also don’t have a big group of casual friends, and maybe that would be harder.
Discord sucks, but I’ve noticed a lot of social groups use it. A couple meetups I go to all use it for communication. Maybe that’s more bearable than instagram?
Find a way to use Instagram to drive them to another app, like this: https://lemmy.world/post/21620691
same, i just say I don’t do instagram and tell them my local whatsapp equivalent’s id or phone number. I’ve tried using instagram a few times but it can’t be used anonymously at all.
This is, IMO, the biggest problem with FB and IG. They’ve replaced personal connections. I know some women who say they won’t date anyone without an IG account.
and it feels too personal to ask for someone number when I just met them
Someone’s number is literally just a series of digits. Social Media has their fuckin’ life’s story. I’d say it’s far less personal.
I think it’s mainly two things:
- people fear reverse phone numbers look up tools more then the equivalent tools for social media.
- It’s viewed as less replaceable then just blocking somone on social media
I don’t really agree with either of these but it is what seems to be common.
Get a new phone number and never sign it up on anything. It is very easy to replace a phone number. If you have had a phone number for multiple years and signed it up multiple times and still using it, it is time to change it now.
Blocking somebody on social media doesn’t really mean anything, they still have your account, can still see your posts, comments, and even liked videos if they use another account. You would have to delete your account if some random person has your personal Instagram that you don’t want anybody knowing, even if it is private.
They both have there downsides though.
An IG account isn’t a phone number or email, and I think it’s weird that young people treat it like it is.
Just say you don’t do social media, and if they can’t respect that, it’s a quick test as to if they’re your people or not.
quick test as to if they’re your people or not
Absolutely… it’s like when during job interview the recruiter ask if you code on the weekend. Some people treat that like the absolute worst question ever. Yes, in most cases I would argue it’s to probe if you can be abused by working over time for free… but maybe you are into that or rather you do have found a way to make it work, e.g. NOT work during some weekdays. The point is that the question itself is a way to discover BOTH ways, for them AND for you. It is perfectly fine to stop right there and then if any of you is now aware that it’s a show stopper because of whatever difference. The entire purpose of dating or interviews is to engage in a more involving relationship ONLY if it’s worth it for both. It’s a discovery phase, not a “let’s close the sale” phase.
but that’s a lie bc op obviously does mastodon
It can also be a good conversation starter. Some people genuinely don’t know or care about the social media corporations spying on us. You can have some interesting conversations with them.
Or come across as a weirdo, conspiracy theory, antisocial, tech obsessive nerd.
I mean, it’s not inaccurate, but not maybe how to present initially when you meet someone.
It’s a bit risky, for sure. You just need to express your point in a calm and professional manner. Appeal to common sense or ethics, stick with the facts, and you should be able to find common ground with most people. You’ll be fine as long as you don’t use aggressive language, or go into crazy conspiracies.
Definitely second date material
That is a good point, when I say I don’t have any social media more than half the time people respect it, almost like I’m saying I’m X years sober from alcohol.
But I still feel like I’m tempted to make an account to avoid this additional social friction. Maybe I won’t use it for anything except getting people’s contact info in these situations. I’m not sure I’m a bit torn.
Back when Craigslist had personals ads I answered one saying that I had 10 laptop computers and no facebook account, and I actually got a couple of dates that way. Not everyone wants corporate media.
I’ve been chatting (non romantically) with someone I met on another forum, who is about the same way. No facebook or reddit or anything, not even Lemmy, just a few niche forums.
Don’t worry, I handed out my Instagram to some people who requested it and those connections fizzled out just as easily.
Could be down to me only ever checking it on a designated laptop once a week, but in my opinion, if it comes down to an Instagram account and regular app access, can’t even exchange SMS numbers to text, then it’s already a tenuous connection.
Funny enough, I didn’t even make my own Instagram account. My friend really wanted me to be on Instagram so he went ahead, made it under my name, and handed me the keys. You probably can’t do this nowadays due to security checks, unless you’re Meta making a shadow profile kinda like my friend did for me. I’m just sitting on the shadow profile that would exist anyway, trying to contribute as little as possible.
Unfortunately I have also found it to be a huge impediment to making friends with other millennials who aren’t techie. I sort of left a crowd that was always on xmpp and signal and found myself rather ostracized. Things are changing slowly and most of them are now on Signal and with the usernames it’s easier to exchange contact without relying on phone numbers that feel like a bigger commitment. But unfortunately passed explaining why you won’t support Meta, and why alternatives like Signal are good there isn’t much to do.
Man I’m glad I got done with the “I want to meet new people” part of my life before social platforms became inevitable. As far as I know nowadays it’s either friends or privacy. Can’t have both
Opsec requires sacrifices. Friends ruin opsec.
It sucks, but just ask for numbers or emails
yeah i feel you. I’m in a band, so instagram is basically a necessity for promotion and communication. getting the word out about shows, other bands will message me for gigs etc
just try to use it a little as possible, and try to lock it down as much as possible in the os. you can do alot in the android app settings.
basically treat it as you would having a conversation near a security camera.
The band TOOL literally never did any interviews before (or after) the internet.
Worked well for them.
ok, and i’ll just buy a house to build wealth like my dad suggested. and dress better than the manager if i want a job. and stop eating avocado toast.
I would just make an IG account if it’s being a large obstacle, you probably don’t have to install the app as you can do most things through the web browser.
Never install an app like Instagram on your phone, It will know your device even if you uninstall the app or use a different IP.
Privacy is subjective. Use it but dont use it for things you don’t want Facebook to know about. Don’t use it on your phone. Don’t use it on a computer with things you care about. Keep it in a container tab in your browser but don’t keep it open all the time.
It’s kind of a pain but you can definitely be mindful and only give meta crumbs where others are giving them truckloads of data.
Sadly there is a lot of good content on Instagram
