I’m not sure I want to die of a heart attack if I live to old age. I thought maybe I’d use a gun to relieve my suffering so that everything would end quickly, but I’m too scared. Are there any recommendations on how to die without suffering or something like that? Maybe I should leave this world during a happy dream?
Or should I humble myself and go through suffering before I die?
I’m clarifying: it’s not that I want to commit suicide when I’m young or right now, no, I mean when, let’s say, I have one day, a week or a month left to live suffering from an illness, or I know that after a while I’m going to have a heart attack that will definitely kill me.
I would suggest dealing with your death anxiety through counseling so it doesn’t consume your life.
If you plan to kill yourself with a gun, drag a billionaire down with you. Make the world a better place for the next to come.
I will probably do the bathtub special
Hi deadymouse,
If this really is something that bothers you, perhaps you could discuss it with your GP? They should know what your options are and can probably advice you better than random strangers on the internet.
You seem to have misunderstood the question a little, I meant when you know for sure that you are about to die, in a day, an hour or even a minute from a heart attack, for example, or from hunger, but you don’t want to suffer from this, you want to make this process easier.
You don’t ever know for sure. I’ve seen people with “less than a day left” take months, and people fully healthy drop dead from completely unknown health issues.
Another person said it, but I’ll repeat: you don’t know.
People who provide hospice care will tell you that many people have a “good” day right before they die. After weeks or months of decline, they are suddenly lucid and communicative. Families think this is a sign of recovery, but the workers know it’s a sign of the end. The patient is normally gone the next day.
A good friend of mine died of cancer in April. He was diagnosed a bit over a year earlier, and he went through multiple windows of “you’re cancer free!” to “you probably have a month left.” And there were many days the pain was so severe that he wished he would die already.
Six months before he died, he’d tell me, “I think this is it. I don’t think my body can go on.” And then he’d keep going.
If people could tell, I think our culture and our medical systems would look very different.
I guess most religions caution against getting too self-absorbed or materialistic in life. It’s a common trap we fall into, and it’s an awful place to find yourself when you’re on your deathbed.
As I get older, I think more about the people who will be left behind once I’m gone. Will they be all right? Will my passing cause a lot of drama? If they still really need me, I will fight to stick around a little longer, even if it entails some personal suffering. It’ll be over soon enough.
I guess if I’m in the middle of some personal quest, I may also fight to see it through before kicking the can? I dunno.
Otoh if my living on creates a greater burden, I might want to go sooner rather than later?
And I try not to concern myself with what happens to me personally after I’m gone. Whether you’re religious or atheist, let’s face it. Your fate is out of your hands at that point.
The very moment itself is nothing to be afraid of. It’s a moment. How many times have you fallen asleep in your life? How about passed out by other means?
I imagine it’s going to be more like the latter than the former if you’re still in your right mind when it happens, but both ultimately happen outside of conscious control. Consciousness shuts down and then it’s all over.
As you rightly surmise, it’s the indefinite period of time that leads up to that moment of no control that is the most difficult and is what requires the coping, if any.
For that, it’s down to your own beliefs. If you’re not sure what they are, you might want to think about who’d be hurt by your “leaving early”, so to speak. (One of the main reasons I’m still here is that people I care about would be upset by it.)
And don’t think that any decision you make now is set in stone. The day may come where your existence is unbearable. If you think you’re there or about to be there very soon, that would make it an excellent time to seek some kind of help. Therapy. Pain relief. Emergency hotlines. Those sorts of things. (Been there. Done that. Will probably be there doing that again at some point.)
You may also want to take your religion, if any, into account, if your actions before the very moment are supposed to affect what, if anything, happens afterwards. (And if you don’t know your religion, I can’t help there.)
Even in the absence of right-to-die laws, from what I’ve seen with older relatives, once the healthcare providers know what’s what and divert you to hospice care, the drugs take care of the visible pain and, frankly, consciousness. These are generally practical, kind people who understand the odds and don’t want to see suffering.
let’s say, I have one day, a week or a month left to live suffering from an illness,
A big problem with this line of thinking is that in real life you rarely know this, especially while remaining aware enough to commit to such a plan. It’s just a prognosis, based on averages.
or I know that after a while I’m going to have a heart attack that will definitely kill me.
- You want to give up your remaining time because a heart attack is in your future? Usually you can reduce the chances with diet, exercise and medication.
- For many heart attacks, survivability is directly related to how quickly you get medical attention.
Generalizing this back to what I believe is the goal of your question, it’s rarely certain or predictable. When it is, you may already be too far gone to make such choices (hence legal documents like DNR)
I found this book very comforting - Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs and Communications of the Dying by Maggie Callanan.
I think the scariness comes from lack of familiarity. Getting a closer look at what it’s actually like for dying people can help us face our eventual end.
Pain, fear and suffering is part of life and we are very resilient. What may seem unbearable in the moment will seam like nothing once it’s passed. We endure plenty throughout life.
A heart attack is fairly quick. I would much prefer that to a long battle with dementia or certain cancers.
I’ve wavered between wanting to die in my sleep and not, but as of right now I’m back to wanting to be awake. Death is an experience we only have once. I don’t think there will be anything left to remember the experience, but it would be cool to experience it nonetheless. Even things that are painful can be fulfilling experiences, and death is the final one.
But there is no point in worrying about it until it comes knocking. What you can do today is prepare your final will, and make your resuscitation-request known, and opt into donating your organs - but knowing how you’ll feel about death once it nears is impossible.
You likely wont know when it is imminent, and you likely wont be able to reach for a gun when it does. Likely hospice workers will do their best yo minimise your suffering for you, so embrace your final moments when they come.
I’ve legitimately almost died twice now in my life and both times were pretty different from each other. The way that I look at it, you can’t predict it and you can’t control it so you shouldn’t worry about it a whole lot.
I mean when, let’s say, I have one day, a week or a month left to live suffering from an illness
The likelihood you’ll have any clue your going to die in such a short time as a month is extremely low. You’re much more likely going to die in an instant through fatal injury or bodily failure like a heart attack or brain aneurysm. Lets say you live to 85 years old and are finally dying of something entirely predictable for old age like congestive heart failure or late discovered end-stage cancer. You’re going to be long past having any energy or ability to do anything about without help.
If you actually get some kind of clear guidance you’re going to die from a prolonged (meaning not instant) ordeal, you’ll likely be in hospice where they will give you amazing narcotic drugs in whatever massive doses you need so you feel no pain and are simply swimming in dopamine as your body gives out.
The takeaway is, there’s no point trying to spend your healthy hours trying to plan for something like this. No plan you can think of will be useful even in the extremely unlikely scenario, the conditions you imagine do happen.
Whatever way death comes for you, take comfort in the fact that it happens to every one eventually, and has happened to countless others for a very long time. It’s a certainty, and it’s a design, so it’s definitely not something to be afraid of. As for the suffering part, that’s just the human experience. Your brain is more powerful than you think if you know how to control your thoughts. Mind over matter, everything happens at the mind.
So you’re saying that I don’t have to worry too much because the brain has enough masculinity to admit its end? It sounds logical, but how it will actually be?
I don’t know where you’re getting the masculinity thing from. I think what the person was saying was to try to make peace with the way life has always been for all living things. We all come into existence, and then we all return to the universe.
Were you scared before you were born? Of course not. Death is the same as that, it’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s what unifies every single living thing.
Personally, was considering a potent opioid overdose. Bliss out and stop breathing. The end.
I’m worried I won’t be able to convince the dealers when I’m 88 that I am not a cop.
Best option is while you’re young do everything to ensure your country or place you live has an assisted dieing legislation that allows healthcare professionals help you when the time comes.
The drugs they can offer let you just drift off to sleep and you don’t wake up again.
“Right to die” is a medically assisted death that is available in certain places around the world. If you can’t make peace any other way, moving to a place where this is an option may be the most helpful thing for you.
