Well now that I have “fuck you” money there’s a few things on my mind.

First, I’m going to eat at a lot of restaurants. I’m going to enjoy my meals too. Through the whole meal I’m going to be buying iced milks for another random patron. I’m going to make sure the waiter is aware that this good gesture needs to be anonymous and I will make sure that as long as the waiter keeps delivering the iced milks I will keep added zeros onto their tip. These iced milks will not stop coming until there is nowhere left for the patron to reasonably sit. This waiter will not have to work for a long time afterwards.

Second, I’m going to buy a shit ton of gold bricks. Like the big one’s you envision are in Fort Knox, also known as “Good Delivery” bars. I’m also going to hire an elite team of private security forces whose sole job will be to transport that gold in plain sight everywhere that I happen to go. If by chance my gold is not allowed with me into an establishment, then I will just attempt to buy the place right there on the spot. If that doesn’t work, then my team will take the gold and wait with it on public property.

This is why they won’t give me money.