I have this argument with my wife often. I like to cook, and for me cooking is more than taking frozen meatballs and dumping them into a pan full of jar pasta sauce. I would rather make the sauce, maybe have some meatballs made in advance. My wife seems to think that pre-made stuff or mixes are the way to go. I would rather just make pancakes scratch, which isn’t hard, where she would rather I just open the mix, add water, and make the food. But I do agree that having a frozen lasagna is better than taking the full effort when I just want to get dinner going. So where are your eat the pre-made vs make it from scratch?
You enjoy cooking, she doesn’t. You can cook from scratch, she can heat up the frozen stuff. I don’t see why this is cause for an argument.
Yeah, I personally despise cooking. I’ll do anything to get my meal the quickest and with the least amount of effort and mess possible. I don’t see the big deal. If people want to cook from scratch, go ahead. I’m just not going to be the one to do it. Why does it matter if one person prefers to cook one way and one person prefers the other?
Edit: If it’s specifically pancake mix that OP’s wife prefers, maybe there is something about the flavor that she likes better with it. My brother also weirdly prefers instant mashed potatoes over homemade…even if he is not the person making them. With certain things, some people just have a preference it seems.
In this same vein, I’ve never had a from-scratch brownie that I like better than the box brownies.
She will insist on the mixes.
As in when you cook she wants you to use the premade stuff? Why?
Nostalgia for what her mother used to make.
Yo man, that’s a legit resson for her to prefer one type of cooking over another
Compromise, then?
Perhaps every other night you can cook from scratch, and cook as she likes on other days. Or, you could try to replicate the flavors she’s looking for in your cooking. Involve her, have her try tasting some sauce you’re making or whathaveyou and then try to see if you can nudge the flavors in a direction she likes.
Would she be open to use the pre-made mixes as a base and then you improving on them? I love to cook from scratch with nothing but fresh vegetables and base ingredients; it really makes me happy and, if I do say so myself, I do a good job at it (it is indeed a time consuming experience). My mom cooked from scratch and the taste and process of pankakes starting from scratch is familiar and comforting.
I have also learned that there is a lot that I can do by using pre-made ingredients, and that sometimes it’s a huge advantage because I can then focus my cooking creativity on the parts that are less about ‘turning the ladle’ and more about personal time and experience. Some examples:
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Pasta sauce: Buy a decent tomato basil sauce. Then add caramelized onions (40 min), mushrooms, artichokes and spices. Now I can focus on what the sauce goes on top of.
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Pankakes: Some of the store bought pankake mix is pretty great, I especially love the Ube mix from Trader Joe’s. If you are not making your own mix, then you can really focus on creating some excellent and amazing hme make toppings. It’s a good excuse to perfect a recepie for marmalade or make a perfect mini fried chicken from scratch to go with that pankake.
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Mac’n’Cheese: It’s absolutely possible to make Mac’n’Cheese from scratch, but also delicious to start with a box, and then figure out how to max it Gormet in all different ways.
just some ideas.
For all these responses, it’s not just pasta sauce or pancake mixes. And yes, the she does let me doctor things up sometimes. It just gets irritating when I make a sauce, it’s delicious, and then she buys a jar version because “you like this kind of sauce”. I found a great soup recipe I want to try, ask for specific ingredients and she just buys the canned version of the soup. I’ve talked with her before about it when she brought home a cookie mix. I used to make homemade cookies when I was depressed, and it would cheer me up. She suggested I make the mix, all I had to do was add some eggs and water, and we can have the cookies. I had to tell her it wasn’t the cookies that made me feel better.
Talk to each other, apologize, and compromise. Sometimes do it your way; sometimes do it her way. Understand and forgive each other, enjoy both approaches, and be happy about the situation.
It sounds like you should be doing the shopping when you want to do the cooking.
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NGL man, you’re coming across as Defensive Internet Man on this. You two “argue frequently” about this, she “seems to think” mixes are the way to go when it sounds like it’s really only pancake mix that’s hanging you up and you know perfectly well why she likes pancake mix over scratch. She “tried to pull” nostalgia on you as if missing her deceased mother is a trick she’s playing on you.
Amateur advice from someone with no special related experience: any time someone says they like a Thing because it reminds them of Close Dead Relative, maybe just take their word for it and let them be.
Yeah maybe she might be a little overreaching there? Forcing someone to always make (and eat) the thing you prefer is not a healthy relationship. Time to compromise.
With OPs tendency to trickle in less flattering details only after 2-3 comments in, I’m skeptical she’s “forcing” him to do anything. This is a one-sided perspective from someone intentionally devaluing his spouse’s perspective.
she would rather I just open the mix, add water, and make the food.
Wait, why does she care if you are the one making it?
I make almost all my meals from scratch.
The pancake mix was a particularly stupid argument in my opinion. She said that’s what her mom always made and she likes it. It’s hard to argue against it since her mom has been passed for about 15 years now. She tried to pull nostalgia on me, and I don’t have nostalgia for food.
I get it. I’m the same way about instant mashed potatoes because that’s what my grandma always made and that’s just how mashed potatoes should be (to me). Not a fan of real ones really the texture is just off. I can’t speak to pancakes because I can’t think of any pancakes I’ve ever had that really stand out from any others but it could be something like that. Pancakes certainly don’t seem to be worth arguing over to me.
I’m not really qualified to give marriage advice, but if you want to hear an opinion based on no real life experience anyway, here goes:
I’d personally just do the box mix for pancakes that she wants, if it is something particular and special for her, as a show of good faith, and cook other meals the way you like, as long as you are the one cooking.
My thinking is along the same lines. I think OP and his wife both have good arguments for making certain dishes certain ways. And indeed, it seems (to me, in my unqualified opinion) that they need to have an ongoing conversation about which dishes each wants made which way.
OP’s wife is nostalgic for a certain boxed pancake mix because it reminds her of her deceased mother? Cool, that’s pretty low-stakes, just make the boxed shit. But part of OP’s self-care routine is cooking food from scratch, and that’s important too.
OP is right that fighting over this is silly. OP is wrong that scratch-made will always be better. Oh, I’m sure it will taste better, but in the long run it will be worse for OP’s marriage.
And crucially, they both need to be flexible. If OP takes pride in their cooking and the couple is having company over for brunch, then maybe leave the boxed pancake mix in the pantry and let OP wow the guests with their delicious and fluffy scratch-made pancakes. And of course, OP needs to remember that that flexibility is a two-way street.
It really depends. One specific shop near my home has good quality frozen meat pancakes and dumplings. Yeah I have made dumplings by hand some 20 years ago, but those frozen ones are simply better. Maybe I can do some exotic dumplings with a buckwheat flour and a lot of eggs, but that would not necessarily be better, just different.
On the other hand, pasta sauce prepared from scratch will always taste better than store-bought one, mainly because the stores here only sell ketchup and mayo, and pretty much all pasta sauce here is some variety of tomato concentrate with a bit of carrots.
Need more reasons to stop eating ultra-processed food? How about 32 of them? That’s the number of health problems noted in the largest-ever review of studies about the dangers of diets high in ultra-processed foods. The findings, published online Feb. 28, 2024, by The BMJ, come from a review of 45 analyses published in the last three years, involving about 10 million people in total.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/nutrition/more-evidence-that-ultra-processed-foods-harm-health
I make as much as possible to avoid the flavor additives, texture modifiers, and preservatives found in much packaged food.
I make waffles from scratch and freeze them for quick breakfast. Prep large pots of soup, chili, stew, etc and freeze in deli tubs.
But as to who is right? No answer on that. I have built up plenty of cooking experience so things that seem tricky or time consuming to other people don’t faze me.
Depends on how much I care about that particular meal and leftovers vs the effort. This includes stocking separate ingredients.
I definitely love prepared frozen vegetables like shredded potatoes for hash browns, frozen cut broccoli, etc. that just need heated up. I also buy pasta instead of making it myself, although there is a chicken and noodles recipe that I have made fresh noodles for. But not for spaghetti, or even lasagna even if the rest of the lasagna is assembled manually.
But I do tend to make my own diced and slow cooked peppers (mix of colorful bell peppers and jalepenos) that I will use to top scrambled eggs just because I find it fun.
I’m all over the map, just depends.
Your health says avoid pre-made mixes as much as possible. I’m no salt-phobe (insufficient salt is a greater concern for 99% of people than too much), but even I shy away from the insane amounts of salt/sodium in anything packaged. Some stuff has more sodium in it than anyone should have in a day.
Plus, pre-made mixes often aren’t anywhere near as good as making something yourself, and usually more expensive, even allowing for your own time.
There are exceptions of course, but I have spreadsheets to calculate costs of mixes, meals, you name it, and it’s rare when something is cheaper to buy pre-made.
Dishwasher detergent powder is the same cost as making myself. As is onion soup mix, gravy mix powder, etc. Most other mixes I make as I go along - making chili uses a mix of different spices which I keep on hand. And I have 3 different chili recipes that use different spice mixes, and the end result is very different. I have a few recipes like this (creole/Cajun for example), that technically use the same spices, but not the same mix, and are very different for it.
I don’t understand people like your wife (or one of my siblings) that seem to view eating as just something necessary, (bless their hearts 😁, as my southern family would say)…good food is crucial to me, it’s not just something I do to get by. I mean it’s something we have to do a few times every day of our lives. I want that experience to be as good as I can as often as I can.
Speaking of creole, I started making a roux for gumbo yesterday and burned it after prepping the veggies and meat. We are pizza last night. But today I’m doing the slow 4 hours in the oven roux so I don’t mess it up again.
Roux is definitely a tough one. At least the ingredients are fairly cheap if you do mess it up, but damn you better be prepared to put in the work, endure the heat, and watch closely if you want to get it right. Damn tasty though.
I would like to cook more as it just tastes way better (and is much more healthy), but I’m always exhausted especially after work. I suppose my answer is that right now I’m eating a lot of prepared (refrigerated or frozen) food, but would prefer home-cooked meals.
If you can, just do one pot of something that makes leftovers that hold well and are easy to reheat. After you get one thing, it gives you some breathing room for the next couple days.
I try to make a big pot of something on Sundays, so I don’t have to think about cooking Monday, maybe Tuesday. That gives me a little breathing room. I also make stuff I can portion and freeze - again, gives me a little breathing room.
Last week I was under the weather for 4 days, I just grabbed stuff out of the freezer and threw it in the toaster oven. Zero effort for my sick self. Now I need to restock what I used.
Meal prep is the way.
Cooking from scratch is almost always going to be less expensive, better tasting, and healthier.
Cooking with pre-made ingredients is often faster and easier.
For me, the decision is often predicated on how much energy I have. Sometimes prepping all the ingredients and the resulting cleanup feels like an impossible undertaking. Which is a shame because I’m a good cook - but sometimes I hate cooking.
Meal prepping or making batch meals is often a happy medium. Homemade food that you can later just reheat. If anybody has tips for making it feel less like I’m eating leftovers all the time, I’m happy to hear them
This is us basically. Though we’re pretty busy, so we usually try to cook 2 maybe 3 meals a week, and eat the leftovers on the days in between.
Don’t get me wrong, we cook good stuff, we just purposely make a lot. I’m not going through all that effort for one tiny meal, unless it makes sense to do so, like we won’t be home for meal times or something so it would go bad.
But we keep some premix stuff around, and I have a few fast but not so healthy scratch recipes I can whip up in a jiffy. That’s usually us on Tuesday nights.
I’ve got one where I literally just throw rice, chix broth, frozen precooked (by me) chicken, frozen mixed veggies, and garlic/other spices into a rice cooker. That way I can just slap it together, jump in the shower, and eat quick before leaving again. Sometimes life is just that way.
There is a big price for eating shite out of the box… if you don’t accept it, just do what you do. but you can’ expect others to “see it” that way.
As others say, premades are generally less healthy and carry more preservatives like sodium. I personally keep them on hand anyway in case I need something in a pinch, but even then I have a few easy meals if foods are stocked (like carbonara, which i make tonight!)
If you do go frozen for the wife, be sure to check what you’re getting. My step father has been having heart issues lately and I don’t think he realized his diet of mostly frozen dishes were putting him at like 300%+ daily intake of salt.
If you have time, make food for the whole week and you eat “pre-made food” (point for your wife) made by you from scratch (point for yourself)😁
Some people don’t like leftovers, I can only figure their experience with leftovers has always been bad.
I love having leftovers around, but I make a pot of good stuff with plans for the leftovers. Some things are never leftovers because they don’t hold well (anything with leeks or tarragon for example).
My experience with leftovers growing up was having to eating my mom’s terrible cooking again when it wasn’t even good fresh. As an adult I love them because I like my own cooking and it means I get to skip a few nights a week.
Sometimes, leftovers don’t reheat the same way.
I don’t care either way, but too many premade meals I have bought in the past were gross and inedible to a point where I had to toss them and just make food from scratch. I just keep the supplies for a quick 1 pot Carbonara in my fridge at all times - it might not be super healthy, but it’s always a predictable taste/texture and only costs about 1,50€ per Portion
Cooking your own meals with unprocessed ingredients is one of the basic parts of a healthy diet.
If you practice a bit cooking a home made meal can be done in less than 30 minutes. If times a issue I have some 20 minute recipes.
I make sure to have a basic stock of ingredients like pasta, flour, some vegetable stock cubes, some assorted spices, onions, fresh garlic,…
Whenever we order out, when I don’t have the energy to cook my son orders the gross pasta that cost 15€ and complain afterwards I do it better.
Today I did not want to cook, so he wanted to order the carbonara… if you would serve that to an Italian they would rather jump into the Vesuvius than eat it. I just skip the meal anyway because ordering out is not satisfying to me.
So damn it, made him a take away style tortellini with spinache and ricotta, shrimp (out of the freezer) and cream with fresh herbs, and on top mozzarella out of the oven, then salmon filet on skin out of a skillet, in compound butter on young salad leaves with a mildly sweet and sour garlic vinaigrette. This is cheaper than the 15€ take away. Took me half an hour, but I am a trained chef.
I do freeze prepared meals though, but I say fresh food over anything else. I certainly don’t buy any prefab from the supermarket.
