To keep it short: my ex-wife cheated on me with this guy, we divorced, she married him immediately after. Since January we’ve been co-parenting, she has our son (14 years old) for 2 weeks & I have him for 2 weeks. Her now husband is wealthy, and for the winter holidays they plan on going to the Maldives for 3 weeks (I agreed to give up 1 week of my 2 weeks; gonna get +1 week with son after the vacation). Apparently son has been asking his mom and stepdad if I can come as well. So ex-wife calls me and asks me if I’d like to go, all expenses paid by them, just to be with our son and have some fun - and let’s “put all the bad blood behind”. I told her I’ll think about it, but honestly I don’t think I’d feel comfortable. At the same time going would make son extremely happy obviously. Idk.
I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this situation. Unfortunately, no, I would not go. It’s not fair to you. I commend your dedication to your son but it would do too much damage to you than is worth it.
No, that’s just completely unreasonable of them to ask.
I would. But frankly I have a cuck fantasy soooo you do you.
Don’t go. And if your son doesn’t know why you two divorced, tell him.
Yeah, 14 is old enough to know
My gut says fuck no. My brain says have a frank, balanced discussion with your kid and decide from there.
I know my own answer would still be fuck no, but I don’t know you or your kid.
I wouldn’t. If my ex-partner decided to have an affair without thinking of the consequences, I’m not obligated to do it in their stead. I’d be covering for their fuck up and become a welcome mat.
Having said that, I’m a product of divorce and I knew from a very young age who fucked up and why. If my parent had told me at that age why I wouldn’t go, I would’ve understood. But then again, I’m not your kid.
Don’t do it
Personally I would do this but it depends how well you get along with them. Obviously the last thing you want is arguments and sulking. Having your own space to retreat to would be the thing to negotiate ahead of time.
You will be used as childcare repeatedly for their fun.
And they will make you look like the bad guy in front of your kids if you flinch.
Prepare for that.
Childcare… Of his own son?..
You know parents who, you know, love their children, actually want to spend time with them, right?
You know a whole lot of parents don’t love their kids and don’t want to spend time with them, right?
I’d absolutely assume mom & new dad would have several romantic dinners and activites alone while bio-dad entertained his kid.
I don’t think the guy would be pondering on here about going if he didn’t love his kid and didn’t want to spend time with him.
Why did you assume I was talking about the dad?
Even you were talking about the dad, why did the kid suffer because of the mom? He won’t be blind to their actions regardless
I’d kind of see that as a bonus. Some time to bond while on a nice vacation on someone else’s dime would be cool especially if it meant not having to deal with the ex and the new guy as much. Definitely don’t go if you’re not going to be civil with the ex and him though (which would be understandable given the circumstances). Ruining the trip for everyone else won’t gain anything other than possibly resentment from the kid.
Do you get a separate room? Tbh I’d go and spend the entire time getting laid and ordering expensive drinks through room service on this guy’s dime. Just figure out how to make sure you don’t get used for free babysitting. Work out a 50-50 coparenting schedule.
I mean, do what you’re comfortable with. But the bitter bitch in me says take the bastard for every cent you can and try to find a new tinder match every night. Maybe multiple if you can.
It’s a 14 year old kid, they’re mostly self sufficient at that point. Whether you’re “stuck” babysitting or get to relax on your own I see it as a win-win. If the couple want to squander their vacation time solely with each other (in which case, why did they take the extra week from OP instead of just leaving the kid with him the whole time??) while OP gets to bond with their child on a free vacation, I just don’t see how that’s a punishment.
Leave it up to the kid, they’re the one that wanted their dad with them and the whole reason he’s invited.
Abandoning your kid, making them feel like a burden, to go fuck around with strangers, just to get back at an ex who happens to be the mother of your child, seems like an asshole move here. Please don’t do this OP.
Edit: OP is the father, my bad. Editing now.
I get my own separate villa / bungalow.
Oooo, wait! See if they’ll pay for your new girlfriend to come too. It’s ok if you don’t have any candidates yet, they won’t be hard to get if there’s a free trip in it for them.
Definitely don’t introduce a stranger to your child on a family trip just to make your ex jealous and/or take advantage of their new partner. This is a shitty thing to do. Just spend the free vacation with your kid or don’t go if you can’t be civil.
I only saw one other comment talking about your son, so I’ll chime in.
Make sure to hear your son’s voice. This is his way of trying to make a connection with you and maybe more. Hear him out and don’t reflexively respond. Spend time making sure he feels heard and loved. And whatever you decide, he’ll know that his connection with you is strong. I don’t know what level of processing you’ve done with him, but I can imagine it getting a little back burnered as you work through the betrayal and grief.
Agreed, great answer. As a fellow parent, I know that connection with your kid is far more important than whatever “dignity” you’ll “lose” from going on the trip.
He’s probably old enough (only you know, OP) for you to even talk about your discomfort with going, and to be open about your personal pros+cons of going. Who knows what he’ll say, but it sounds like a good conversation to have.Having your kids watch you lose your dignity is not going to make a good relationship.
They are very attuned to that sort of thing. If they watch one parent allow and invite the other to trample on them the kids will also lose respect.
I’d do it just because my son wants me to. That’s more important to me than anything else. I have two boys. I’d do anything to make them happy.
If it was me, I’d milk that rich fuck as much as I could. I’ve no dignity, and I like trips.
Seriously though, you’re not me and if it makes you uncomfortable, you’ll have to decide if it’s worth it. The kid will get over it, though. Just hope that they don’t resent the weeks they have with you-- I got that way with my parents and petty kid I was, it was just a matter of my dad having a computer w/ Internet and my mom not. For that reason, it might be important to listen to your kid and their values.
They offered to pay on the gamble you’d say no and look like the bad guy to your kid.
If you go, arrange for it to be just you and your kid, for YOUR week, then fly home
Don’t do it man, think about your dignity.
