Sorry this isn’t really a question
She doesn’t listen when i tell her how i want to be treated. I don’t owe her an explanation about why it hurts. It should be enough to say “this hurts me”. She never, ever changes her behavior no matter what i say. It’s always my fault when i get hurt.
Strongly recommend reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson, PsyD. Very insightful and helpful when you find yourself in this situation