My wife & I have an 18-year-old son. He started university in September, studying medicine. There he met this 41-year-old man - a classmate, and they became really good friends. This man has just started university now at this age because apparently he was born poor and in the first half of his life was focused on making money, but medicine is a dream of his. Son has always been an introverted, shy, socially awkward kid with little friends, but now goes out often. Honestly my wife & I are uncomfortable, and we can’t help but side eye the dude.
It doesn’t have to be creepy or problematic, but your son would have to know what worrying things to look out for. Nothing wrong with having a chat saying “hey just because large age gap friendships are rarer, i wanted to make sure you’re on your guard…but your friend might be awesome, just have your eyes open”.
What specifically worries you?
Maybe I’m projecting my own feelings but being basically this guy’s age I can’t imagine hanging out with someone so young. It just gives off bad vibes.
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Of course you can’t.
But picture putting your life on hold for 30 years. Would you not then feel extremely out of place with your own “peers” who didn’t do that?
Age isn’t really what defines where you’re at as a person, that’s stuff like culture, hobbies, career, education. People don’t connect over being the same age. They connect over stuff like video games, philosophy, books, nerding out about their industry, how that one class at school sucks, etc.
What would you do if you were the 40 year old hanging out with an 18 year old? Really dive into your fantasy and let us know what you are thinking. I bet you can come up with some really wild imagery that the IRL 40 year old would never dream of.
I don’t quite get what you’re implying but as I’ve said I wouldn’t be hanging out with an 18 year old in the first place.
I’m a shy, awkward soul that never felt ‘in sync’ w/ my generation. Old people rock, life would be a lot more empty without them.
If you go to uni, hanging out with people aroind your son’s age is implied. I bet the guy might feel out of place as well - but consider he is now living his dream of studying in university. He is surrounded by 18 year olds and he has two options - be isolated for nothing but his age or make friends and experience life he couldn’t experience when his age was appropriate for it.
It is likely your son and this guy just clicked. When I was around 16 I had a great virtual friendship (played World of Warcraft together, only met once) with a guy in his 30s. We also just clicked. I’d say he was my best friend in that guild. We are not in contact anymore but I still remember that friendship fondly.
I understand your concerns as a father and I’d recommend discussing it with your son with open mind. Friendship is just friendship, I don’t think there is an age limit on it.