My wife & I have an 18-year-old son. He started university in September, studying medicine. There he met this 41-year-old man - a classmate, and they became really good friends. This man has just started university now at this age because apparently he was born poor and in the first half of his life was focused on making money, but medicine is a dream of his. Son has always been an introverted, shy, socially awkward kid with little friends, but now goes out often. Honestly my wife & I are uncomfortable, and we can’t help but side eye the dude.
So the guy worked to get to a place where he could reasonably go back to school to do something he’s passionate about.
Going to college will do that, what’s the issue? Is it impacting his grades?
Why are you uncomfortable? What about the guy is off-putting to you? And are you really untrustworthy of the guy, or uncomfortable about the new choices in behavior your kid is exhibiting now that he has autonomy?
With how little information is provided, I can only fall back on my own experience as a kid with an over protective parent who had to be explicitly told to let me be an adult, and I get similar vibes. But that could just be my experience coloring your post.
I think you’re misunderstanding me. My issue isn’t him going out often, I’m happy about that, it’s a good thing. My concern is that it’s almost exclusively with this guy, and it’s worrying to me that they spend so much time together. I’m this guy’s age and I can’t imagine regularly hanging out with someone so young. It’s just odd and gives off bad vibes. And my son always had autonomy, that’s not what this is about.
What, specifically, are you concerned they might do, or might become? Are you afraid this might become a predatory sexual relationship? That he might become codependent? That the older guy is immature and will be a bad influence?
When you can define your concerns, it will reveal what action (if any) is appropriate.
It’s not odd. If that’s who you interact with, that’s who you’ll be friends with.
Age is a number, and friendship with someone with life experience isn’t going to hurt anyone.