I am of the age to have kids, some of my friends have them, but I have mixed feelings about it, just wondering about other people’s experiences.
I have kids. I said I wanted them until it really hit home how much work it was. I didn’t shy from the work though, and had 2 more. Now they are close to becoming adults and we are bonding over so many things. I would never do it again without them.
Is like to, but I won’t before I’m in a good enough life situation, and either seems improbable or very far away, and while men can definitely have kids to very late in life, I don’t want to wear diapers at the same time as my kids might.
So yeah, mixed feelings.
If I won the lotto right now and found a spouse, sure. Out side from that, nah, prolly not.
I work full time and do most of the cleaning, cooking, and kid stuff. My wife is handicapped and several months into recovering from a major surgery that didn’t go well, and she’s only recently starting to pick up the slack again. I’m exhausted. I feel like our home is wasted because it’s never clean enough to enjoy it. I use what energy I have on the important things like making sure my kids have healthy meals, but that means letting other things fall by the wayside, like basic repairs and mopping.
But I’m happy. I love my family. I love spending time with them. Every once in a while I can just sit back and be grateful for all the things that have gone right in my life.
And at least once a week my kids do something genuinely hilarious.
Lately my two-year-old son has been doing this baby talk thing, copying his sister who was copying from a video she saw of herself as a baby. So we’ve been gently reminding him that we don’t do baby talk in our house. No baby talk.
The other day, I heard my wife singing Baby, baby, baby… in a way that was unmistakably Celine Dion’s “It’s All Coming Back to Me”, except then she’d suddenly transition into Smokey Robinson’s “Tracks of My Tears”. I heard her do this three separate times throughout the day. Then she did it in the car and I pointed out that she was definitely doing the wrong baby, baby, baby.
She disagreed. Phones came out. Songs were played.
“See? It goes Baby, BAby,”
“No it’s Baby, baby, baby…”
“No, that’s too flat. You’re doing Baby, baby, baby, but it’s Baby, BAby-”
Then my son interrupts from the back seat: “Stop it! No baby talk!”
As someone who wants kids, this thread is very depressing.
No, I haven’t achieved my dreams yet (only 24) and yeah I want kids. I always dream about playing some epic games with my kids or teaching them generally.
Passing down knowledge and raising a (hopefully) good person are among my main reasons for having kids.
It’s a great feeling when you can explain your kids stuff about the world (through books or your own memory). In a way, you experience the marvels of the world again along the way.
Hmm it seems you’re not a dad/mom yet as well. When are you planning to have kids?
IF I have kids with my current partner it would probably be in about 3-5 years.
No to all. I get to spend all my time and money with my wife. We can travel, watch concerts, and do any activity without having to worry about babysitting, getting home early, etc.
Has anyone close to you told you that you should have kids?
There’s definitely some talk on my wife’s side of the family, since her extended family has tons of kids, so they just expect anyone who gets married to have kids. We just tune it out. It also helps that we moved away so they can’t really bother much. My side doesn’t really care, or at least doesn’t care enough to ask or talk about it.
I’m female. Hell. Fucking no. Pregnancy and childbirth sound awful and I have zero interest in babies, children, or taking care of something that might grow to hate me. Too much societal stereotypical expectation as the mom. I understand today parenting is a lot more fair and equal but I would still be giving up my body and time for feeding, among other things.
But I’ve genuinely had to ask myself if I was a male? Would I want kids… I think one of the biggest turn offs is literally the female pregnancy/birth part. If I didn’t have to carry and give birth to a child? Maybe?
I understand adoption would still be a thing but I still think as a female I’d carry responsibility that I don’t want.
I’ve never had a desire to be around kids or babies and the screaming and crying sets me off when I’m in the vicinity. Then the teenage mood swings? I can’t fathom.
Overall I’m a hard no.
I have no idea why why any woman would want to get pregnant. It looks like an absolute terrible experience all around, and that’s not even accounting for the safety risks and the long term health reprocustions.
Some women say they enjoy it which I cannot really fathom. I did not care for it. As for why the woman would want to get pregnant though… I mean that’s about having a kid, not about being pregnant, isn’t it?
And also not to be crass, but haven’t you ever had sex that’s so good in that moment you and your body genuinely want to get pregnant?
Let me rephrase, then:
I’m surprised that any woman would want something enough that they’d be willing to endure pregnancy.
I do not have kids. I fiercely disprove of the idea of havnig kids without having a person to have those kids with.
I finally met somebody I would probably have them with.
But shes already past menopause, so it’s not going to happen.
And that’s cool, we’re DINKY-ing it out.
I don’t have kids, but very much want them. But for a number of reasons, it’s just not going to happen in my life and I’ve masr my peace with that.
Firstly, I am a trans woman married to another trans woman. Quite happily! So obviously our only option would be adoption, however due to a chronic medical complications I’m currently using a wheelchair full time without any clear indication if that will ever change. Simotanously being in constant pain that makes any sort of mobility difficult. So while it is possible for us to start the expensive and lengthy foster parent system, there is no guarantees I would physically be able to help my wife with child raising. And since she is also our sole income, I can’t also expect her to work full-time AND do transportation, logistics and day to day child care while I am bedridden. Especially when my wife has said that her life is complete without children.
I take solace in the fact that our hormone replacement has likely made us sterile. That’s often not the case completely, but for my own emotional well being, I assume it’s a certainty so I don’t think about surrogates.
Part of having a disability is grieving the loss of your old life and old expectations, while coming to terms with a new life along with new goals. This is a touchy subject with a lot of complex feelings, but I want to thank you OP for promoting the question and allowing me to talk.
I hope you can overcome the parts of your sickness that keep you more immobile, but otherwise it sounds like you’re in a healthy relationship and state of mind, which, with or without kids, is still key for a happy life.
Thank you for sharing.
As someone in her early twenties, I am not a mom yet, but it has been on everyone’s mind. Me and my six older siblings (five older sisters and one FtM brother) are Pacific Islanders adopted by Indian Islanders and so it seems to have been inevitable for children to be on everyone’s mind, especially as my older siblings all are themselves foster parents. I could come as close as comfortably possible to it, but I don’t have confidence in the idea of being a mom, not just because I don’t think I could handle childbirth (if I chose not to adopt) but because I fear failing due to what I might mess up or not provide.
I’m not even sure if I want to live. Forcing existence on someone else seems an awfull thing to do.
That’s fair.
Absolutely yes. I just need a partner to have them with, which is easier said than done.
no, no and no, but you will have to find an answer if your decision to have or not to have kids was the right choice in any case.
Nope! No interest at all. I definitely don’t regret it as a millennial.
I have always been fine with children. I think seeing other people raise them with love and care and real emotional availability is the most heartening thing ever! I’ve even teared up a little when i see them do it well and with real emotional availability.
I was never interested but i had the question about whether i would with the right partner well into my 20’s. I never felt like it was something missing from my life. Now that I’m older i see my friends all across the spectrum about the choice from joy to regret. I am confident, learning about time commitment, cost, and thinking about the liability of a human life, that i would be deep on the regret end. In fact i see not having children as the best choice I’ve made in life.
I’m thoroughly happy and content being child free.
