Fun fact, this is why I got laid so much in Mexico. I took so much straight dong on that trip I should have gotten frequent fliers miles

I’ve mentioned it on here before, I think. It’s one of my favorite stories. The look on his face was absolutely horrific and hilarious. I asked him several times afterwards how his pregnant sinuses were. He did not find it as funny as I did.

But not from Tennessee.

🎶I got a brand new pair of roller skates you got skint you knees, let’s get to together and touch together our peepees🎶

I love telling this story, but I’ll warn beforehand it’s explicit.

! so, one time I was getting a blow job from this dude who was sort of newly out as bi curious. So, he asked if he could suck me off because he’d never done it before. Anyway, when I came, he didn’t pull off and decided he was going to swallow, and since he was still really new and nervous, I thought it would be hilarious if I said “no homo” when I came.

Unfortunately, he also thought that was hilarious, and laughed while swallowing. Ever seen milk come out of a kids nose in the cafeteria? That. But with spunk !<

Can I know what that religion is?

I can’t find a source right now, because I just woke up and I don’t want to, so (Trust Me Bro, et al, 2024) but there’s a chance that quote is actually about Nazis!

A lot of French people referred to them as “the others” and would often speak sort of semi-codedly about them in writing and such so as not to piss off their new overlords. So that line may well not have been “I’m such an introvert that being around other humans is like being in hell” but instead “hell has delivered itself to my doorstep in the form of goose-stepping bastards”

I once had a conversation with a cashier in TN that started with a newspaper by check out saying something about remembrance day in England. I explained it’s basically like their version of Memorial Day. It ended with me having to explain what Europe is. A super abridged synopsis:

Me: It’s basically their version of Memorial Day.

Her: why do they need a different version?

Me: they’re a different country, different laws.

Her: it’s not really a different country if you can drive to it

Me:… What

Her: I mean, it’s basically just the same country

Me: you cannot drive to England.

Her: you can’t?

Me: it’s an island.

Her: I thought it was Europe?

Me: you also cannot drive to Europe.

I then had to explain what Europe was, how England is Europe in the same way Puerto Rico is North America. I shouldn’t have included that. Or tried to explain armistice day. It was a very long conversation that ended up going outside during her smoke break.

She was the second grown adult I had to explain Europe to. Tennessee has failed it’s children, y’all. I’m not being funny, and contrary to OP’s premise, I don’t really judge them for this. I judge the state and the school system. It’s bad.

If someone is cleaning a floor and I have to walk over it, they’re getting several sorrys and at least 2 thank yous, while I do that shrink my body to the side and putting my palms out towards them like a peasant not trying to be whipped by a landed gentry.

I’ve mopped professionally. It sucks.

How do you do this? I’ve seen it for years, but never thought to ask before. Lol.

Absolutely love him.

Honestly, with the majority of the people I’ve slept with, not so much a bold as just taking advantage of the opportunity. Hell, some of them and I already know each other from group sex, and the the majority of the rest have engaged in group sex in other circumstances. The vast majority are, at the least, okay with random hookups with strangers.

Probably bone. Most of the people I’ve had sex with, sex has been the only thing we’ve had in common. If it’s everyone I’ve had sex with, it’s going to be a little crowded, but I’d imagine we could all have quite a bit of fun.

Probably contacting some media outlets to try and monetize my talking-duck status, and wondering if if my life expectancy is on par with duck or human.

Monkeys. Several species, but specifically pygmy marmosets. What I really want is Borrowers, but since the scientific community refuses to focus research on the actually important things, it feels unlikely in my lifetime. So pygmy marmosets. I want to walk onto my porch, and a troop of teeny little monkeys is chilling out there, living their best lives.

I want a thick, prehensile tail that’s at least 2/3rds as long as my body. I want to be able to use to hold things, hang upside down like a opossum, climb trees, and slap the shit outta Greg from work when he irritates me. That’s the kind of tail I wish humans had. I don’t care if it’s furry or smooth. I’ll crochet a tail condom if I need to.

I absolutely will not. Vote blue no matter who is why we have the situation we have. 2016 did not give us trump. Generations of shitty corporate politicians on both sides of the aisle gave us Donald Trump. Populists win because they’re popular, and trump got popular by pointing out the factual information that the house, the Senate, and the oval office are filled with corporate skills and corrupt puppets. Sadly, it was the fascist who got popular pointing it out, but it doesn’t make that part of what he says untrue.

I live in a red state where my vote for federal office does not count. So I will cast my pointless protest vote for the green party in the hopes that one day they’ll get their 5%, and maybe something can change. Down ballot I’ll hold my nose and vote for the Democrat in most offices, and if I ever move to a competitive state, I’ll do the same for federal, because I’m being held hostage by the corporate shills, and I’d rather my family not die in concentration camps that are inevitably coming if/when the fascists fully take power.

But no. Fuck blue no matter who. Who. Fucking. Matters. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t be in this mess. Have some standards.

I tried plugging my phone into the elm tree out back. Turns out it doesn’t work, and also it wasn’t an elm tree, it was the neighbor, and he was pissed when he woke up.

Same for me, minus the weight. I hate weight on me when I’m sleeping. Makes me feel trapped and claustrophobic. I use the thinnest blanket the temperature will allow, and I always have fans (and if possible an AC) going. Anything above 63f/17c and I sweat like a pig. :(

Does the chillpad work? I’ve heard mixed reviews.

An aspiring writer, you want to be published and have dreams of being the next Stephen King or JK Rowling, but you can never find the time to hone your craft, because of your daunting responsibilities to Charcumwa, the Eldritch horror you have trapped in the basement of an abandoned apartment building 2 towns over. It must be fed daily or the pact will be broken, and it will be freed. The 4th generation to carry this burden, you sometimes wonder if it wouldn’t be worth it to just let it go, knock out a few chapters of your book, and try to guess what stocks will crash when it is freed. You’ll make a killing on the market with this kind of foreknowledge.