Why do stars twinkle so pretty? Same reason fuck Jeff (he knows what he did) that’s why.

NO I WANT TO MAKE THE BIRDS SPLODE

They stopped making shock tarts and my mouth weeps. I’ve been trying different sour candies but nothing compares to homemade.

I already got rope

plan it on a wednesday in the middle of the day so everyone can say “ah, i’m busy” and feel satisfied for doing jack shit

“I Reject This Premise”

if it’s not the start of a general strike idgaf. a single day of protests works about as well as blacking out a subreddit.

“they’re just being deported not murdered it’s not that bad”

I have an old usb adapter (I don’t know what it’s called, I bought it like 20 years ago) i can plug in my ps2 controllers, I synced one of my dualshock 4s to my PC, and I have a gamesir g3s I use on my phone.

I’ve got my old NES, SNES, Genesis and 2600 and associates games in a box in the garage somewhere. I should find out if they work, but (1) I don’t have anything I can connect the 2600 to and (2) I don’t have a TV with RCAs anymore so that rules out the other 3 too. fuuuuuuck. thank goodness for emulation.

I used to belong to a cult. On my way out I tried a fair number of these. It was kinda fun.

pop?

step 1: can’t find cat

step 2: get up, find cat

step 3: play with cat

step 4: cat goes to sleep

step 5: now i’m wired, i can’t sleep

step 6: nyquil

bladder

have you been to hole in the rock in phoenix? vandalizing it is the city’s pasttime

1 2 3 4 5

If it weren’t for Stanislav Petrov, Donald Trump would never have been president get him!

We count one two many lots

Midnight does happen once a year

Nah, that could hurt the spectators. Maybe four sisyphuses?