When I was young, my elders told me stories of planting trees. Not for myself but for future generations. Instead they took the land, the wealth, the knowledge and the bits of whatever scraps left behind that made them feel powerful.

Then they turned around and insulted me, belittled me and blamed me for not caring enough about their every wants and fragile emotions. Demanded I work harder while they stood there watching me to criticize my every move. Accused me of selfishness for not following all the awful and outdated advice they constantly forced upon me. Hated me for not following step by step in their traditions that caused so much division and suffering. Bullied me for attempting to express myself freely.

They never got around to planting their trees. They just flicked the cigarette butt and watched the other trees burn.

The elders that left me feeling inspired and comfortable with me being myself are so few and far between that it hurts. It’s hard for me to not feel betrayed by the majority of my elders.

I want to be inspired to do good from people who already do good things. Instead I feel like my empathy for others is being built up out of spite against my elders actions. Their words are so empty and meaningless to me.

I’ve also chosen to not let my future self become a burden on the younger people that follow me. I’ve already chosen my retirement plan. Extreme sports. Wing suit would be fun. I’d easily settle for trying to kick a cop in the nuts.

The year is 2024, we stuffed a group of people into reservations and federally announced that we don’t need to provide clean drinking water to the people forced into those reservations. You mentioned that yourself.

Just because there’s no bullets flying does not mean these people aren’t suffering. Physically, mentally, it’s pain for them. I stand by my statement.

The yikes should be pointed at those to enable these horrifying actions. The yikes should be pointed at those who refuse to acknowledge these horrifying actions.

Proven? Provide proof.

You seem to know what these people need. What are you willing to do for them? Would you rather fight and die for the Country of Canada or for the people whose land has been stolen?

It sucks being forced to pick a side. I hate it. I don’t want it. I want to live in peace but bad people keep doing bad things. My life is threatened when any other group of people are targeted. Sitting on the sidelines pointing fingers at everyone just lets the bad people gather more strength. A person’s inaction is someone else’s death.

To be transparent on my part, I have not done anything to help beyond learning and listening. I am however working on a project currently that aims to bridge the knowledge gap, even just a little bit.

It’s easy to say things, a lot harder to do them.

If it came down to it, I’d die fighting for indigenous people. Invading forces means nothing. If Russia or China took over Canada, that just means even more genocide so what’s the difference if Canada is already commiting genocide.

I will add though that some band chiefs do not make matters better when money given to them doesn’t make it to those who need it. They are as much to blame in modern times as much as the federal government.

I refuse to victim blame. These people were put in shitty conditions. What good examples did these people have after having so much of their people, culture and knowledge eradicated? It seems their examples came from their savage invaders.

Blame the true savages who came with murderous intent. They set the expectations. They spread their greedy culture. They made themselves the adult in the room and beat anyone who disagreed with them, including their own who saw the injustices.

The country I was born in was born itself from genocide. The first people to arrive had worked to erase a whole people, culture and knowledge because there was land and resources to be stolen.

Women were raped, children were stolen, men were killed. Even to this day, you can’t go a year without multiple stories of disgusting abuse from the federal police against indigenous people.

The same country who stuck as many of the surviving genocided people into reservations. The same country that federally determined that those same people do not deserve clean drinking water in the reservations they were forced into. My tax dollars are funding a genocide today.

And what does Canada do? Point to China, accuse them of genocide against the Uyghur people. Hypocrisy. Absolute hypocrisy.

I refuse to fight for this country. I don’t feel free. I don’t see people feeling free. I think I must fight for the people whose land has been stolen over some imaginary borders that denies me the freedom to connect with people.

I’ve noticed personally just how different my mind works when I am constantly presented with data for my actions. Even though these random data points have no real affect on my life, I’m still drawn to having those numbers be bigger than before. From the votes I receive from a social media comment to the reactions from a meme posted in a discord server, all I want is more attention through a click of a button from someone else’s screen.

I hate it. It feels like my value is placed into a number. For me, I prefer my value to come from how I treat other people. I feel a far greater sense of self when I am able to put my time and effort into helping other people. I get to learn the inner workings of someone else and teach them to empower themselves. It feels rewarding when later on those people I helped express their gratitute and trust in me. That is far more rewarding compared to the quick hit from any brain chemistry when looking at a bunch of data points or a bunch of money.

Unfortunately, I can’t make money this way. Not in the way I want to learn, teach and empower other people. I’m terrified of going into a career that will destroy my innate desire to help others. I know it’ll wreck me in the process. Again.

Capitalism destroys everything it touches by sucking all the life, creativity and humanity out of it until there’s a empty shell left behind. An empty shell that looks like every other empty shell. All those empty shells can be counted, given a value and sold. Reducing us and the human experience to yet another data point.

I truly hope more people come to understand that these data points don’t have to put us in a competitions with each other. That our value as people can come from places that don’t have/need to be from a number value.

One day, our planet will die. One day the last historian will die and all that data and preserved knowledge will sit and decay. It’s human knowledge and it’s meaning has more value to humans than any other living creature on our planet.

Personally, I’d rather live a life where my actions are responsible for the wellbeing of myself, my community and the land under my feet. It doesn’t matter to me anymore if my value can’t be reduced to a number.