Your way of doing things is now how things must be done. Extra points for petty and minor stuff.
Smacking lips as filler for speech is considered rude, irritating, and condescending.
Fork in the strong hand, knife in the other.
Isn’t that how everyone does it?!
Using a knife and fork: knife in the left hand.
Using a knife only: right hand.
- Anything more than hushed conversation is banned on public transit (exceptions for children too little to be able to control it, developmentally disabled, etc.). You may answer the phone, quietly, to tell the person you cannot talk right this second and will phone them back from the next station
- Everywhere is accessible to the blind, those in wheelchairs, on crutches, etc.
- You will grow some of your own food as your space allows. If you have a tiny flat with one window? Grow some herbs or chives or something? Gotta big lawn? Now you have a garden. Those with small children will be left some room for them to play.
- Everyone wanting a driving license must drive a giant, slow truck and a small motorbike for several weeks. The tests everywhere in the US get harder and more demanding.
- You must use public transport in any case it is possible and practical (i.e I don’t expect you to try to take your haul from Ikea back on a train).
- You will generally only eat two meals a day and no more gluten (sorry; I didn’t want to inflict this on you nor did I want the gluten restriction on myself, but this is the only way my body works somewhat properly).
- Your mind’s eye and any audible inner monologue are now gone. It’s fine; enjoy the imagination and peace.
- You must live somewhere on roughly the other side of the planet from where you grew up (again, sorry to force you)
- You must live in at least one foreign country for no less than 3 months outside of a foreigner community and learn the language and culture (not at all sorry about this one).
- You must be in pain a lot of the time without docs being able to find anything useful. You must also have anxiety, ADHD, probable ASD, and overthink many things.
I tried to answer the actual question rather than how I think things should be. I’m sure I’m missing something about my life. I guess you’d all have to work as software engineers who run a small farm most of the year, strictly speaking.
I was with you until 7 and 10. No mind’s eye & inner monologue means limiting the imagination to a crawl. It would be peaceful though! Meditation & Imagination would be inverse in this Universe. Poetic.
Okay let’s say it
Everyone has to work at least a day as a front facing customer service.
ALL public officers elected or not are now chosen by sortition. That’s right baby, we are bringing Athenian democracy back. At least for a while
People can now express without fear of offending others as now they have self awareness to know that others can also think different as them (the P zombies will appreciate this one)
FF 20 years
The whole of humanity is now shareholder of a giant corporation managing the full resources of the Earth-Moon system
As a shareholder, everyone is taken care off, and basic needs are always available. You have been now guaranteed your needs for life, opening up for you to enjoy your freedom.
We start developing a solar collector array using Mercury as a resource stockpile
FF 30 years, we have finished the solar array. The Dyson sphere goes online. We spread during the next 6 hours a salvo of about 200 million self replicating probes through the interstellar space of our Galaxy and beyond it
These probes have everything needed to jump start the process again in other solar systems
If we are lucky, we might have our vector states inside those probes so we will have achieved functional immortality
pulling apart the bacon piece by piece to fry it.
listen, you can just stick the whole brick of it into the pan, the heat from the skillet makes the bacon slices separate. you can cook the whole thing at once.
No timezones. Only UTC or Zulu time. Also no daylight savings, it’s just fucking stupid.
That really kinda shifts a problem. I can generally guess that at 10am whateverTime a business is going to be open or people are going to be awake to time my communications. This adds a step of having to look up … I guess the current daylight hours and/or normal business hours first? Who would maintain such a database?
Same people who’s maintaining it today. We need to look up business hours anyway on top of looking up time zones. E.g. business hours in Denmark is usually 8-16 while in UK it is usually 9-17. Here there’s furthermore differences at the usual company. IMO you’re inconsiderate if you start planning meetings without taking the business hours of the recipients into account (which means all our UK enployess are inconsiderate jerks on this topic, calling me in for meetings until 18:00…)
So instead of looking up the time zone difference and the cultural business hours of a company in Australia, I can just see that they open after my lunch.
Bananas are only be opened from the seed side. Heretics who open the stem side will be mummified in banana strings after being purged so that they will be reminded of their hubris eternally.
what about those of us who snap them in half?
You already know you’re a freak. Let that flag fly brother.
No one has any pubes any more.
Fucking thank you
- We eating chips and popcorn with chopsticks now.
You’re welcome for cleaner fingers and everything you touch with them.
- Beer ain’t getting served without some sorta pickle.
- You’re getting paid for your commute time now. Your employer is covering tolls, transit passes etc.
I wonder how fast they would start allowing work from home again.
Not that fast really. It’s pretty common in europe if you can ride a train and work en route. I’ve even seen people compensated for driving time & gas.
Pets will be told about foods, walks, and treats in a foreign language as to prevent them getting excited about things they love during normal conversations
And this was how TheAlbatross’s Labrador became fluent in Croatian.
Which one?
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I love garlic stuffed olives, but have to eat them with chopsticks to slow myself down.
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My dogs love Pupperonis (one letter away from pepperoni), but I call them puppereenies so they don’t go ape shit when discussing toppings…
Edit: Swipe typing is getting worse every day, fixed auto assumptions…
I feel like swipe typing worked flawlessly over a decade ago, i don’t even bother with it anymore.
“Andrew Garfield nice”!?
How many times do I have to manually enter “nude”!? I wanna see that Andy G, D!
And you’ve taught your dog to eat Pupperonis with chopsticks?
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And salads! It’s so much easier.
Oh You’re so right. I had a salad with sliced chicken breast for lunch today that I ate with chopsticks. Soo much easier
The foreign language trick doesn’t work, turns out dogs can pick up words from various languages
You fool! I eat chips by pushing the bottom of the bag, then grabbing one with my mouth. No utensils required.
That seems messy and bad but you do you
Going to be pickle stonks. Get them while hot
Extra points for petty, minor things.
Fine.
Only using even numbers for volume or brightness. No handshakes (between humans). No unsolicited hugs. No greetings. No Christmas, new years eve, Halloween, birthdays, etc. (only regular days). No loud talking (if any) on public transport. No phone calls or video calls. No purchases of digital goods (be it media or software) that doesn’t come on a physical copy. No buying from Nestle. Avoiding supermarket membership “discount” (read: “data collection”) programs.How do you turn it up to 11?
Only using even numbers for volume or brightness.
Can 5 be an honorary even number?
Fine, those are okay. But I still prefer 16 over 15.
But even numbers aren’t primes!
Your way is now the right way.
Oh well, but it is my way.
Even numbers are so six-a-dozen.
Using comments as an excuse for writing shitty code.
The proper spelling is indeed Rebekah. Also, chili is eaten over rice or mashed potatoes and always has beans. All cats have an infinite amount of names, none of which they respond to and most of which are very situational.
Chili with cornbread is phenominal. Never had it growing up in the US Midwest, but moved south and fell in love. Still make it now on the other side of the globe. Rice isn’t my favorite and potatoes wouldn’t be my first choice, but chili is basically just a curry in the modern sense anyway for most recipes so that makes sense.
I had a crush on a Rebekah once. It was during music clinic.
I normally would have balked at the mashed potatoes suggestion, but I made a 13 bean soup with a creamy potato base recently and then I made chili with the leftovers and it was godly.
a 13 bean soup
Just a small portion then?
- No opinion, so OK
- Criminal, and also a sign that someone has never had Cincinnati Chili
- Truth
Cincinnati Chili
I’ve never had Cincinnati Chili but would like to. Point a fella at a decent recipe?
It’s mainly just an all-meat chili with a lot of seasonings, but not necessarily a lot of spice. Like, it has chocolate in it - not sweet chocolate, but the powder without sugar. And cinnamon.
We discovered it when we were doing a low carb diet, because it has no carbs in it. But it’s one of our favorites. I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite chili of all time, but is among my favorite dishes, if you get what I mean. I do like a chili with beans.
I couldn’t find the online original; we may have copied it out of a book. Here’s a PDF version of the recipe we like. We used to have it over spaghetti squash.
Nice one, thank you!
I’ve had cincinnati chili, and guess what? I’d still eat it over mashed potatoes But, ah! It’s okay to eat food wrong. That is always fine.
No. No, over mashed potatoes I think it’d be fantastic. I’ve probably eaten it that way myself. But didn’t you say something about rice? Rice would be an abomination. Like, almost as bad as not putting pineapple on your pizza.
I said mashed potatoes or rice! A choice!
Ok, sounds good!
Chili over rice—esp. something with more flavor, like Jasmine rice–is pretty good, TBH. I always put beans in my chili, because I know that every time I do it, a Texan dies.
And yeah, that’s pretty much the way cats are now, so, no change.
Ranch’s a condiment , not salad dressing
Wait you don’t put salad on your ranch?
Your way is now the right way.
My way was always the right way!
But now it’s official.
Football is defunded, everyone watches pro wrestling now instead
Lateral move at best.
