Now that we have determined in this thread that a friendly/flirty conversation is indeed not harassment, women are just people too, the old gender roles are dead and public parks are a singles hunting ground, how do I make it clear I’m open to being approached?
Since chatting someone up is out of the question for me, I’d rather hedge my bets on some women using those tricks all you Casanovas left in that thread on me. We’re all progressive here, I don’t see why the man must start this dance.
But I can’t help but notice that this plan has not worked at all yet. How do I express I’m single and ready to mingle, except by just having that printed on my shirt? Like was said, having just a friendly conversation with any gender would be a start, can’t remember those happening in a while either.
Try to look like you might have cocaine on you.
(Sorry man, I got nothing 😔 )
Wear a t-shirt that says I’m single you can talk to me.
I’m kidding. Sort of.
As other people have mentioned conversation starters, interesting social props, and such, I have to circle back to your original post. You spoke down of printing it on your shirt. I say, don’t print “single and ready to mingle” on it. But something like, “Ask me anything”, you’d be surprised. I was an information resource for a big event and they had a half dozen people in shirts that just said Ask me with a big question mark on it. After the week was over I would sometimes wear the shirt and would have lots of people stop me because of it.
Probably the best thing I ever did to get random people to talk to me was growing a big curly handlebar moustache, now complimented with a long bushy beard.
My fashion choices also tend to make me stand out a bit- brightly colored Hawaiian shirts in the warmer months (I have one with pictures of the dog breed I have on it, that gets a lot of people approaching me,) occasionally a kilt (people love to ask about the kilt) interesting sunglasses, hats (used to wear a bowler occasionally, I’m less of a fan of it these days, panama hat in the summer, etc.)
Clothing and style choices are a little tricky. There’s kind of a fine line between wearing something interesting that makes people want to talk to you and coming across as a fedora-wearing neckbeard who’s trying too hard. Those choices have to look good on you, you have to like them and give off a bit of confidence while wearing them, and it has to be something that will catch the attention of the kind of person you want to attract.
And most importantly, you need to be able to carry a conversation from there. That’s the hard part.
Having some story or a joke at the ready is a pretty good crutch to kind of get yourself over that last part. For example my go-to when people come up to me to compliment my beard/moustache is to joke that “I grew it myself” which is usually good for a chuckle, and then the ice is broken, and you can kind of try to steer the conversation from there.
I’ve had a lot of fun conversations with strangers and made a few friends along the way. I never personally had much luck turning that into a romantic relationship, but that was also never something I actively pursued much in general, I just kind of let things go from there and through friends who I met that way I eventually met my wife.
Hawaiian shirt, interesting sunglasses, hat, beard, moustache… are you Dr Jacobi?
Wait, who said gender roles are dead? That’s not a thing. Assuming youre a man, most women that are interested in you (or might be interested in you in the future) will expect you to make the first move. I don’t think that’s the patriarchy at work; most straight women want a man who is confident and assertive and I don’t think there’s anything problematic about that.
As a straight man, I also want a woman who is confident and assertive.
You have to talk to them.
Try to just be friends. Try to be funny. Try to be a little irreverent. Unpredictable. Amusing.
Nice day huh?
Did you see that cool show / game last night / dog that ran by just now with a six pack of beer?!
Excuse me you look really familiar. Have we met before?
Hi I’m Fred what’s your name? (Only do this if your name is Fred otherwise it gets awkward)
If they blow you off whatever. That one was just practice.
You got this bud!
Way to miss the question, I know that works for some but for me it’s not going to happen. Unless you can tell me why I can’t take the role that never needs to initiate I’m not interested into being psyched up.
Because gender roles are actually still a thing and (most) women won’t approach strange men in parks.
At a party? Different story. Ideally smaller ones with mutual friends
Unless you can tell me why I can’t take the role that never needs to initiate
Because then it’s simply out of your control if it ever happens. It’s still out of your control if it ever works but having a say in when it happens gives you a massive advantage. Being able to approach someone also makes those insances where you’re being approached far more comfortable. Not trying to make it sound like the other route can’t work out at all but showing initiative is imo the easier route long term. And I say this as someone with social anxiety.
Relationships take effort, like all the time. If you are not willing to put effort into meeting someone, then you are not ready to be in a relationship.
You seriously need to analyze what kind of person you want to attract/ communicate with/ hook up with/ chill with…
Maybe try dating apps so you can filter what you want specifically out of a relationship.
But on the real, you need to open up and broaden your horizons. You can find relationships anywhere on this planet if you’re willing to talk to people, show kindness and compassion.
If you don’t initiate, you rely on others to give you what you want. If you approach yourself, you’re making what you want happen.
There is no “role that never needs to initiate”. Women have always been initiating, just less than men and maybe in a more indirect way. If women want something, they also make sure to try and get it.
In the end, the only thing you’re doing is not taking responsibility about your own happiness.
Women have always been initiating, just (…) in a more indirect way.
Well, tell me those indirect ways!
be in the moment
speak about the moment
if that moment isn’t happening, dont force it
Since chatting someone up is out of the question for me
Why? Are you unable to speak? Are you unwilling to try? Because it sounds like you’re hopeless about the idea of meeting someone and you don’t feel like your own efforts could possibly help.
I don’t see why the man must start this dance.
The truth is that nobody, regardless of gender, wants to put themselves in a position where they could be rejected. And women usually don’t need to. While you’re leaning against the wall waiting for that woman to start talking with you another guy will approach her and ask her out. We all want to feel like someone is interested in us. It’s flattering. It makes us feel good. And your question makes it clear you’re unwilling to put the effort into showing you are interested. You want someone else to show they are interested in you. That way you don’t have to risk anything. But low risk means low reward.
This may sound harsh, but I do understand where you’re coming from. I went through this myself. One thing that helped me was learning to let go of any expectations when approaching and talking with someone. Try to understand you aren’t there to pick her up, seduce her, or whatever. You are just there to talk. Everyone is interesting in some way. Practice asking people about themselves. You’ll be awkward at first. You’ll mess up and be embarrassed. But keep trying. If you can let go of your own desires and just be curious it will take you far. And talk with everyone you meet. Men, women, old, young, don’t discriminate. It’ll help you realize it’s just a conversation.
Also, put one of those sticky name tags on your shirt. “Hi my name is Tudsamfa”. It makes people more comfortable knowing your name.
You want someone else to show they are interested in you. That way you don’t have to risk anything.
Everyone is interesting in some way. Practice asking people about themselves. You’ll be awkward at first. You’ll mess up and be embarrassed. But keep trying.
The whole comment is solid advice. I especially think these are the meat of it.
have you considered purchasing (or renting?) a Horga’hn?
So now I need to get a Horga’hn tattoo or something. How will people know I seek Jahamaron? I can’t believe I haven’t already had this thought. This is obviously where I’ve been going wrong.
That’s not something to buy or rent, that’s something personal, something you carve yourself! Preferably on a sunny day in the park, where people can approach you about it. /s
Sorry I can’t be genuinely helpful, I always just kinda slipped into my relationships and an generally quite, no, very clueless. All the best for OP though.
What you need, my friend, is a slump buster. Casual sex with a woman you otherwise wouldn’t be interested in. I don’t know if it’s a sixth (or 7th or 8th) sense that women have, but they can tell if you’ve gotten any recently. If you have, it makes you more desirable. Alternatively, a good wank before going out in public, but that’s not nearly as effective. I ended many droughts with a slump buster back in my single days.
Maybe go on a site like meetup or find local events you are interested in. Go out and do something with strangers: help a charity, go on an organized hike, take a language class, do some volunteering.
Just hanging at the park putting out the vibe likely won’t get you where you want to be.
Wear a button that says “I’m approachable!”
Like this?
Until very recently, I had neon colored hair. Pink, blue, green, orange, purple, red; the whole rainbow. Changed it once every few months.
Women very frequently came up to me to compliment my hair and often would lead to conversations about where I got my dye, who did it, etc. like women stopping their cars in parking lots just to give me a compliment. More often than not it turned into a short convo, that usually ended around the time I mentioned my wife was the artist who did my hair.
Had I known this was a thing before I was married, I would have died my hair in a heartbeat.
I think it may have been a little disarming and was something unique enough that it was worth striking up a convo.
Damn, if only I had hair.
Where there’s a will, there’s a toupee . I am blessed with a full, thick, luscious dark blonde coupe, but everyone around being so negative about hairpieces made me think about them a lot… Following that, I have come to peace with the fact that I might go bald, and I might not like it, and rando hairpiece-haters around me won’t stop me from going all 18th century on my new hairpiece.
My first own house was in the middle of a lot of cultures that are different from my own, and man did those folks LOVE changing their hair every few days, with pieces or otherwise. Every second shop was selling surrogate hair, and it looked very cool. I think that part of those cultures is fucking rad, and it inspired me to pre-emptively accept my own future toupee, if it ever comes to that.
Rainbow pubes and low cut jeans? 😂
Lots of spinach, hair dye, and v-neck shirts (and low-cut jeans!)! :O I’m so back
An unusual hat works as well. I frequently have people asking questions on my hat.
I’ve always wanted one of these bad boys:
Can confirm, as a woman, this is a very good idea. Having brightly colored hair actually communicates a few things at once :
- He’s confident enough to stand out
- He’s at least a little more open-minded than average
- He put some thought into his looks
- He’s not the stuck-up fun-hating “alpha male” type
I cannot stress that last point enough. These days, every girl I know has her radar set to max to get as far as possible from “alpha males”, because they’re just incredibly annoying, self-important pricks. The more you can do to signal you’re not one of them, the better.
Oh man, that makes me think back to college when I got an eyebrow piercing. I did it because I liked the looks but also as a social experiment, wondering how people’s reactions to me might change.
I expected the worst, but I found that it actually seemed to make most people approach me easier.
I think the less is that doing things that are highly visible draw attention. Some will be good, some will be bad, but it’s a conversation starter either way!
Just get it printed on a shirt.
Along with something funny.
Literally wear a name tag.
A guy, that goes by the name of etymology nerd, did this everyday for a month and people approached him more often.
He made a short video explaining why this was the case and how it was an invitation to converse.
Huh. I got to try this.
