Let’s have a lunch and learn!
One company I worked for decided it was a good idea to name a bunch of firings due to performance “Project Panda” 🤦
Drill down
This isn’t strictly corpo-speak, but upper mgmt type people do this a lot:
Misuse of the word “myself.” Like, “if you have any questions, talk to Joe or myself.”
Nice one dumb-ass–you tried to sound smarter by adding syllables but it didn’t work, did it!I’ll take “myself” over using “I” as a direct object any day of the week.
“I” as an object gets used way too often and way too many people argue that it’s correct.
What I don’t understand is why so many people start using the object form of a pronoun as a subject the minute there is an “and”. “Me and her went to the store.”
(I know this is the opposite of the pretentious overcompensation of using “I” as an object you’re likely to see in a corporate meeting. But why?)
It’s appalling to I.
I heard “rightsizing” for the first time last year.
I have no idea what knucklehead PR dumbass came up with that but it made the following layoffs even more unpalatable.
The only time I hear rightsizing is for cloud resources. I’ve never heard of it in human resources. That sucks.
AI
But specifically “How could we use AI?”. If you dont know you don’t need it. Also looking st you big tech.
Let me introduce you to this AI TV remote. You push this button, and AI turns it on. Revolutionary!! Right??!
“Every interaction makes 35 telemetry API calls, and uses up 45 gallons of potable water so it can run that through GPT to pick what ad to push before finally, begrudgingly, doing what the user requested. Isn’t it GREAT?”
There are many but I find “let’s double-click on that” particularly grating
“I already three-finger-swiped down to minimize, sorry.”
I’ve never heard that one. What does that mean?
It means let’s take a closer look at a problem or project. Sounds like a Microsoftism
Cheers. I might use that one next time I’m in a meeting with the BAs haha
I always reply with, “Or we could right-click on that to see our options”.
We’re going to hyperconverge our core past the edge node and clear out to the cloud!
game changer… also any other sports reference…
Any talk of “we” from the boss really means “you”. It’s exceptionally maddening when the boss is already a POS who has an A+ for delegation but F- for teamwork and care factor.
Any mention of “family” and I’m out. You aren’t my fucking family. I barely tolerate any of you, and I only go that far because I am forced to participate in this bullshit just so I can feed and shelter myself. Just give me my project, shut your dick sheath, and let me grind my life away in silence.
On a totally unrelated note, “team player”.
I can’t read this shit on the weekend you guys are killing me :p
Collaborator instead of employee. That’s a usage that has spread through every company in French. It’s infuriating how it.she just plain lying.
“Good catch!”
Usually said when you bring up something that needs fixing, and said as a way to puff you up and not actually follow up on the problem.
“Good catch!”
We ‘nice catch’ each other all day. We celebrate when people find dumb shit, especially when it’s our dumb shit. We positively reinforce that natural code review and checking one another in the name of safety.
But I work with a bunch of pros on some private-possum shit, and that’s culture they’ve preserved from before the 2005 dark ages began. If you don’t know what positive reinforcement sounds like, I get it. Learning’s fun.
If you don’t know what positive reinforcement sounds like, I get it.
No, no. It’s words that sound like positive reenforcement be repurposed by people who don’t want to deal with it
Lessons learned
“pAiN pOiNtS”
these are not knots in muscles they are severe institutional shortcomings and failings that are draining us all, making us want to jump ship, hazardous, and in some cases even making the company lose profit but you fuckheads just want to write down pAiN pOiNtS and jerk yourselves and the shareholders off instead of actually doing ANYTHING MEANINGFUL
