Kicking us off. My worst story was on the day of my wedding. The night before I was drunk with friends in town, and they had never had real seafood before. So I ordered a huge platter of everything. Including, you guessed it, oysters. Now oysters are delicious, and they are usually fine if prepared well. Unfortuately we had just been through a large heatwave, and most of the oysters had spoiled, but no one knew yet. So I slurped a good 4 or 5 of them. Next day was the wedding. I really began to notice right before the ceremony. My (now wife) sent in the best man thinking I had cold feet. He came in, we chatted, he asked if I was alright. I… explained everything and he did what any good best man would do, and laughed. I was able to rally and attend my own wedding, but didn’t enjoy too much of the food the day after.

Turns out - it was Vibrio. I spent the next few days within 30 feet of a toilet at any given time. We weren’t on our honeymoon yet thankfully, but our first few days of marriage were definitely interesting.

This was really on me, but I once ate yogurt that was well past its expiration date and ended up with hives everywhere.

I was in Jamaica and my friend and I bought mangoes from a Rasta. We went down to the beach to eat them but I saved some for the next morning. Unfortunately I forgot to put them in the fridge and they sat out over night. Dumb me didn’t realize at the time and I ate them for breakfast. Everything was fine up until this point but thing was I was flying back home in a few hours. Right before I got on my first flight it hit me. I managed to be calm and hold it but it was rough. Landing back in the states and waiting to go through customs was awful and once I got through I let it all free. I was in so much pain and discomfort waiting for the next flight and once we got on there were plane troubles and we had to get off and walk across the airport to our new gate. I had to use the bathroom every 20 minutes between this, had bad cramps and nausea. Luckily I was able to sleep through my next flight because I was so exhausted after all that. I’ve had some bugs before but this was the worse. All from my favorite fruit too.

I was making the wife and I some turkey meatballs with a little cube of mozzarella in the middle trying to be fancy. Turns out, when the mozzarella melts, and you don’t have a food thermometer, it’s REALLY hard to tell if the meatballs are done in the middle… We both spent two days being sick from both ends in a one bathroom apartment. Also had to pay $300 for the doctors note for my crappy job so they wouldn’t fire me for missing work for two days. Not my proudest cooking moment…

Most recently because my memory is bad? Had some ramen with leftover brisket. I had been eating it for a bit, but the brisket had just past the point of no return.

Luckily I was the only one to eat that, so me and the single toilet were not disturbed.

I was on the final day of an overseas trip. I’d been there for several weeks, and my wife flew over and joined me for the last week to see the sights.

I’d eaten the hotel breakfast buffet almost every day of my stay with no issues. So, I grabbed my usual items, including some buffet line shakshuka (an eggs, feta, and tomato stew). It may have been sitting out a while…. Thankfully my wife opted for something else. Yum yum, check out, drop stuff off at my company’s HQ, off the airport, drop the rental, etc.

We were sitting in the airport inside the security check when it started - nausea, sweats, and bad cramps. Not the best look when in a foreign country with serious (and slow) airport security. Got through, beelined to the bathroom, and I thought I got it out from both ends. I boarded the plane feeling a bit better, but it ramped up again once we were onboard and continued for the entirety of the 13 hour flight home. I have seen immense torment inside the tiny bathroom of a 747 airliner, and I think I spent more time in there than my seat. When I did make it out, I sat shivering and sweaty in my seat for a few minutes before I had to go again.

I was thankful my wife was there to keep me hydrated and that the plane was empty enough that I could grab a seat row near the back for myself to lie down, instead of climbing over some poor bastard every time.

Surprisingly, I still like shakshuka.

My wife, probably the year before last, got a fancy home made from scratch cake for her birthday from her fancy pastry chef friend. Well, she loved the thing so much she’d bring it out for dessert every night, the whole thing, and nibble on small bites until she had enough and put it back in the fridge. Savoring each night and bite. Well, she should have taken a small cut from it each night, leaving the remainder in the fridge, and nibbled on that. Anyway, live and learn. By the end of the week she finished off the cake… and got thoroughly sick over the weekend.

I couldn’t help but laugh a little at the absurdity of the situation, but I felt so bad for her. It was an amazing cake, but yeah. If you’re going to savor something like that, please cut a portion out each night instead of taking it out and putting it back after about 30-45 minutes nightly.

We had just moved from Portland to Denver, and were trying new restaurants. One Sunday we ordered delivery from a local Chinese place that had good reviews. Food came, we ate and all was good for a couple of hours.

Then my wife said "I think I’m gonna puke* and dashed for the bathroom. Being the good husband, I followed her to hold her hair while she worshipped the porcelain god.

She had barely got done emptying the content of her stomach, when I literally had to shove her out of the way to emoty mine.

We were both miserable for about 36 hours.

In high school we were hosting a marching band competition for schools a little smaller than ours. The band students helped work the whole event, so we were outside running around the football field all day.

Eventually, we got to lunch, and myself and friends ran over to Arby’s. I’ve never really enjoyed coffee in my life, but a friend convinced me to try the JaMocha Shake. “It’s so good,” they said. So anyway, after a shake and roast beef sandwiches, we go back to the football field to help out in the afternoon.

An hour or two later, something in my gut started turning sideways. I was sitting high up in the stands with friends, waiting for a band to finish their performance. Suddenly, it all came up. Roast beef and coffee shake. All over the stands…and dripping down onto who ever was unlucky enough to be below. At this field, the concessions were under the stands. Oof.

So I ended up going home, of course. But I know that a friend of mine unfortunately had to clean it up. Poor girl.

I’ve gone to the ER twice due to a stomach virus caused by a bad deli sandwich, about 100 miles apart. I only wish that on my enemies.

When I was a kid, working in a mall, there was this french fry place across from us that made AMAZING french fries, with this house made dijon sauce. Just phenmmenal.

You could buy a POUND of fries, so the other guys and me on the shift would get a pound and split it.

Except I’d get sick from eating them. Only me, the other guys were fine.

OK, process of elimination…

Fries by themselves? Fine.
Fries w/ ketchup? Fine.
Fries w/ dijon sauce? Horribly sick, puking, the whole bit.

Now, you might already know, dijon sauce is made with white wine.

Ok, maybe it’s the alcohol? I don’t drink so… let’s test the theory…

Had A beer. One. Within 30 to 45 minutes I was throwing up everything I had eaten since I was 12. Was sick for 3 days.

Turns out, my liver doesn’t have the enzymes to correctly process alcohol.

Alcohol -> Enzymes -> Acetaldehyde
I have those, Acetaldehyde is what makes you sick when you’re hung over. Cousin to formaldehyde.

Acetaldehyde -> Enzymes -> Sugar and water.
Those I’m missing. :(

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6875787/

On a backpacking trip, the better part of a day away from the trailhead. It came on so quick I didn’t have time to run behind a tree, just dropped pants and let it out in full view of my travel buddies. As embarrassing as it was, it was the right choice. I didn’t have any other pants to change in to and the distance we had to hike out would have led to far more serious health issues had I hiked in dirty pants.

I’m not sure what caused it. I was the only one who got sick. Probably a simple hygiene slip at some point. Someone didn’t clear their hands well enough before cooking, or something made it past the water filters. I’m just glad someone had immodium and everyone gave me their spare fluids and electrolytes. I can see how a person could get really dehydrated really quickly and wind up in trouble.

I started a new job at a nice-ish office, next to a pretty fancy mall. On my 3rd day, my colleagues invited me to lunch at the food court of the mall. A couple hours later, I started getting nauseous and sweaty. Had to rush to the bathroom a couple times, which looking back I was lucky it was coming out of one end instead of two. After the 2nd time, I thought I’d chance it and rush home rather than having to go through another ~2 hours of this at the office. Luckily I lived close to the office back then so I was able to make it home. But in my rush I forgot to tell my manager, just told a coworker sitting near my desk I wasn’t feeling well and left. I emailed my manager that night, telling him that I also wouldn’t be able to make it in the next day. So my very first week at this job, I was only there for 2.5 days before getting sick for 1.5 days. Not the best first impression.

I didn’t know until much later, but my manager told me that he thought I hated the job and was about to quit after a couple days.

While camping my dad and I found a watermelon. Not a wild one, or anything like that. One that someone had left. We ate it. We regretted it. It was not even that great tasting of a watermelon. Plus since we were camping we brought a limited amount of toilet paper, there was a lot of dipping our bottoms in the stream.

Went to a nearby island with my wife when we visited my hometown. It’s not exactly a tourist destination so there was like one hotel and we were the only guests. We just stayed overnight so we ordered breakfast at the hotel. I don’t even remember what it was anymore but I started feeling weird on the way back. I thought I was just seasick from the boat ride. Shortly after we arrived back on the mainland, I was alternating puking and pooping for over 2 hours.