I’m gonna be honest, I’m not asking for a friend, I’m asking for myself. Our daughter (24) married this man (65) in September. She herself stated money was the main reason, and he knows it but it doesn’t bother him. Both my husband & I are having a very hard time getting used to the idea.
You’ll both have lots of time to get used to the idea. Sorry to hear that your daughter turned into a gold digger marrying out of financial convinence instead of love. Its kind of unsavory and understandable why its causing some cognitive dissonance. But well thats the kind of thing our society incentivises and she’s an adult who can make her own choices. Its hard to judge too hard. Hope the husband is alright personality wise and even if this is dark to say, you can take some solice in that statistically speaking its probably not going to last too long and she will probably inherit some assets. If it all burns down it will be a hard but good lesson in not being with people just to extract value out of them.
a gold digger
the husband
Why use a perjorative for her and not him?
Surely the 65 year old marrying a 24 year old deserves exactly as much shame as she does. Do you think his motives are any less selfish than hers?
I didn’t know gold digger was perojatorive, I thought it was just the common name given for that kind of behavior.
Human beings at base are emotionally complex, greedy, self- interested horny apes driven by comfort and convinence. Theres no shame in acknowledging less virtuous parts of our animalistic nature and addressing their manifestions of behavior in ourselves and others honestly.
Does it suck that some people are materialistic? Yes, but I dont shame them for it. That comes from part instinctual nature and part of social conditioning for hierarchical society. Theres plenty of cultures where marriage for political and financial power plays is completely publically normalized. Just not the one where I or presumably OP come from.
I agree that a 65 year old person being with a 25 year old person introduces a yuck factor but an conventionally named ‘prerogative’ for that behavior doesn’t come to mind especially not when I wrote the comment. Would ‘Youth-digger’ be appropriate?
“Gold digger” has been a pejorative for a long, long time.
She’s an adult and I assume she’s mentally capable. Just support her and when/if she ever regrets her decision, she’ll have you around to lean on.
If you openly hate on her decision or shame her for it, you’re only going to drive her away or make her even more firm in her choice.
I’m with you with everything except for the regret part. Some decisions have consequences that you can’t just get over. Life ruining consequences that follow you for the rest of your life. This probably isn’t it, but as an adult you need to take responsibility for making those decisions without expecting daddy and mommy to always pull you out.
I’m not sure how you interpreted my comment to mean that “Mommy and Daddy” would need to pull her out. I only suggested they be there with love and not shame so she doesn’t stop speaking to them.
I interpreted it as you implying that if shit hits the fan, her parents have to pick up the pieces. You’re right though, parents should be there with support, not to shame their children.
I don’t really interpret their comment as saying that the parents will pick up the pieces, rather just not laughing in her face and saying “I told you so get fucked”
Which is a pretty far cry from being there for your child while they pick up the pieces
I’ll add one thing to oylther’s responses. Make sure she, not they, but she is covered financially. If she spends 10 years with him, not developer her career, and he drops her, will she be OK?
I.E. its perfectly OK for them to have this arrangement, it’s not OK for her to be in a situation where she feels trapped by money.
Bahaha dude u realized she “trapped” herself in that scenario?
How did we get to a place where people don’t deserve the consequences of their actions?
She only “deserves this” if it makes her rich???
Do u see how fucked in the head you are for thinking that?
A transactional relationship shouldn’t end in one party pulling the rug out.
But also, her parents should be largely concerned with her happiness and stability.
We don’t like your kind around here.
Go somewhere else.It was the tween-like dialect, wasn’t it?
It’s the fact that he sounds like one of those incels who gets really upset by the idea that sex work and mutually agreeable transactional relationships shouldn’t end in the financially benefiting side getting cheated out of what they agreed on
How is “make sure she has a backup plan” anything at all like what you said?
That’s someone who is mad because they can’t marry someone for money and no one wants to buy pictures of their feet.
Hey, I’m mad about those things but that doesn’t mean I’m out here being an asshole about it…
Have you tried selling pictures of your feet? A lot of folks are mad that they can’t but they haven’t even tried yet.
But, to be honest, I’m pretty sad that I couldn’t marry for money. I would have made an amazing trophy husband in my youth.
I’m kinda glad I couldn’t marry for money when I was younger. I’ve been in a place where I would’ve and a gilded cage still traps you. I think by my age I’d’ve been miserable like that. Now sex work? Main reason I never picked up that side hustle is I can’t advertise for shit and trying sounds awful, and knowing people like me who’ve done it I don’t think it would’ve caused me nearly the issues of gold digging.
Somehow reading your comment managed to actually make me stupider.
Pretty well, I got a rich kid.
how do you manage?
I’m relatively conservative, so probably a blend of bonds and market tracking index funds.
Tangent but how the fuck our we in a world where we can lock ourselves in with someone for financial gain, we have tiny computers in our pockets, we can travel the world in a matter of hours, we have set foot on the fucking moon. yet we are chained by capitalism.
We sell our buddies intimately, we give the largest chunk of our waking life to employers. We are fucking slaves. Knelt for our masters.
But the worst part is we accept it. Lion share of comments are praising her, a few are pointing towards a kink which if that the actual reason then what ever. I feel sorry for her, not pity but the fact she is potentially degrading herself/selling her intimacy for a the semblance of dignity in a world which should afford us all dignity.
…we have tiny computers in our pockets, we can travel the world in a matter of hours, we have set foot on the fucking moon.
All brought to you by capitalism. Is it really such a surprise that money rules everything?
If you can’t find something better(because it works and people won’t give it up to go back) then why would things change?
Everyone on the bottom is forced to see what those on top have. Especially in this modern age.
“Why do i have to sacrifice when I’m barely surviving, when those people have way more than ill ever have?”
For the greater good right? Well its become bought sold and corrupted and is now The Greater Good©®™
Life is now a product because it was never prevented from being more than that.
It’s certainly an odd situation to behold, and the thought of getting with someone twice my age makes me feel gross, but they’re both legally adults and appear to be happy with the arrangement, so I guess there isn’t all that much to do but wish her the best and get used to the new son-in-law.
Having said that, 65 isn’t all that old for an OAP, so I hope for both their sakes that there is more to it than her being just his sugar baby - I can’t imagine decades of loveless marriage to be good for anyone.
If they’re cool, they’re cool.
Do you trust your daughter judgment? If so, trust her even when you may disagree.
If she is happy with the guy (reading your other comments, that seems to be the case) and since this mariage will give her the means to do all she wants and not worry too much. Imho, wishing them both the best seems the best thing to do :)
Based on all the replies this seems both are getting what they want out of it, so I don’t see an issue. Not every marriage needs to be a love match, but it does seem like there is some of that, so even better.
I do understand your moral reservations as it seems a bit cynical, but in the end it’s her life and she and any kids they might have are basically set for life.
Smart kid
Good for you kiddo. Not that I have kids, but hey if it gets ya ahead and/or happy, go for it. As long as said kid is a consenting adult. Otherwise it’s cop time.
Be sure to wring the old fart dry
mmmm, wet farts, sharts if you will
As long as both parties acknowledge what kind of relationship it is, and she gets what she wants out of it, I think I would be able to accept it. Doesn’t mean I would like it, though.
It’s sad that none of you realize that none of this is true, and it’s a troll for attention.
What makes you think they are trolling? Their answers are grounded and are providing context when needed. A troll would include details about a gold coin vault that he swims in.
How is it a troll for attention? What kind of attention? Does it really matter on the internet?
True or not, it’s really only a relatively new problem and only in western cultures (to my limited knowledge.) It wasn’t that long ago in Europe where kids, specifically girls, had a mate chosen for them, especially in upper classes. In India, it’s still a prevalent tradition. It’s really only western cultures that have the “love conquers all” ideal. Personally, I find it fascinating to talk to people who are successful and happy in an arranged marriage.
I think that most or all of us understand that any post like this is suspect. It’s just more fun to play along than shit on everything.
Condescending to us just makes you look pathetic, not smart.
