I’m tired and with a few deadlines that will hit me on monday. I need to finish my task or i wont get vacations… so… all the fuel is going to the wrong place.

My lease ends today and I’ve had two apartments reject my application. So I’m going to be sleeping in my car with my cats tonight. It’s all pretty surreal. It really can happen to anyone.

I hate not having money…

Tired already. Four more years of this shit

I can hardly speak to people anymore. Suppressing my gender for 4 years then finally coming out feels awful. I really thought it would be better. I know my family would have issues but fuck. I have so many thoughts in my head but I can’t get more than a word to two before bursting to tears.
Add on top of that the most stressful school schedule I’ve faced yet and the political climate?

I kinda just want to go to sleep and never wake up to go through more of the same pain the next day.

Ready for the general strike followed by the mass executions of the oligarch class.

Usually takes a couple years for the general public to catch up to where I’m at so biding my time.

Really anxious. Reading too much news

I have two kids in college and have always been optimistic about their future, but the next couple years are critical to forming the world they emerge as adults into. It’s not encouraging

I feel like I’ve been internally screaming for several weeks straight.

Haven’t been sleeping super well and my back is burning because of it. Stressed to high heaven about rent but luckily not awake enough for a panic attack yet

Very stressed, too much on my plate, exhausted.

Thanks for asking.

How are you?

Been sleeping the majority of the last 36 hours in between emptying my stomach, so not too hot. I really should not go into work today but I probably will anyway.

I currently work as a postdoc in biomedical research, so my line of work was directly in the line of fire of recent Trump administration nonsense… Not great.

Beyond this though, I’m just impressed at how almost delusional my boss and some of my lab members has been. Lab PI/group leaders are responsible for bringing in grants, yet they don’t seem to even care about the fact that almost all grant reviews are paused (and some of their grants are due early Feb!)… Not to mention they seem almost happy about RFK and Bhattacharya; I do not approve of such behavior as a researcher… Especially since another student in the lab is fucking suffering from long COVID-induced chronic fatigue. I don’t understand how could some other ppl in the lab be so insensitive

To be fair, I’ve been essentially “fired” from the lab anyway. Not actually fired, but was on an 1-year contract and PI refused to renew (and it’s more difficult to fire someone than not renewing contract in Illinois law anyway). Pretty shitty behavior but I guess I should have expected a newer PI to not know how to properly lead a lab… Partly due to that, I’ve started applying for jobs in Europe two months ago and have just recently started getting interviews. All of them are scheduled early morning for me, I’m not a morning person, and at least one or two have been somewhat disrespectful so… At least I’m hoping to get at least one offer I hope?

Also am worried about selling some large possessions (furniture, hobbyist items) since I’m probably leaving the US soon. So a bit stressed recently between work and personal matters

All in all, I’m… surprisingly calm for the amount of bullshit I need to deal with. No ideal why. Maybe it’s just the power of video games lol

Burying myself in my work so I don’t burst into tears every other moment. Grieving the sudden loss of a cat that was my universe for her whole fuzzy diabolical life. It’s been a month, but I knew the second I plucked her from the bushes that she was going to destroy me. We had a good eleven years but fuck, man.
My gf and our surviving cat have been great consolation, but violet had no sense of personal space and I find this void in my orbit to be currently…unbearable.

Not fucking great.

Nearing a psychotic amount of rage directed at the elites whose sole desire is to grind the rest of use beneath their feet.

Rip and tear, brothers.