Every day, all day, I have to lie to clients at work and tell them I’m good. I’m far from good and lying about it constantly is killing me.
I’m incredibly lonely and almost everything I usually enjoy feels like a goddamn chore.
Anyone else here feel like that? If so, how do y’all cope?
Its so annoying question sometimes, “how are you”. I dont want to start conversation about it and i dont want other person to worry. Buts its also polite so you cant really do anything about it and alternative would likely just be they dont say anything at all which would be cold. I hate lying or being expected to just go through the motions.
My response is:
Good, as long as I don’t think about it.
No one really wants an accurate answer. It’s just a greeting. Someone says ‘how are you?’ you say ‘grand’ then get on with your day. Same as when someone says ‘what’s happening?’ They don’t want a comprehensive list of your woes and such.
If it’s a greeting, then just greet me. “Hey!”, “Good morning”, etc. Don’t ask me a question you don’t want an answer to.
Well obviously, but I know that I’m lying and it just reminds me of how I’m shitty like 90% of days.
Could you maybe skip the answer and go directly to asking „how are you?“ back?
Adding a “thanks” acknowledges them asking. “Thanks, how about you?” Doesn’t answer the question, but follows the social interaction formula of acknowledgment and throwing it back/mirroring.
Then say something different. Same shit different day, surviving for now, whatever. They’ll shrug it off and move on. We all do it. My mom used to say, “it’s a good day. I woke up on the right side of the dirt.”
It’s impossible to be 100% honest all the time if you want to live in the western culture. It would cause so many problems. You would be seen as someone strange, even though you are the normal one for expressing your honest emotions.
In a mad world, being sane is seen as being mad.
In Ireland it’s common to say “not too bad”
It is tiresome. Its not going to be good unless modern society changes in some extremely significant ways in teh US at least.
“The horrors persist, but so do I.”
Your issue doesn’t seem to be the greeting itself. Please - talk with someone about your potential depression. Maybe someday you can say honestly “I’m OK.” and it’ll sit better.
"Struggle, endure, contend. For that alone is the sword of one who defies death. "
“Struggle is the bread of life. It is the element that distinguishes the living from the dead”
“No matter how deep the darkness, a light shines within those who fight.”
“In times of despair, remember this: the darkest nights produce the brightest stars. Endure, and you will find your path”
I don’t, I rely an ready made sentences that require no effort on my part are that are not lies at all. Depending who’s asking when someone is asking me how well I’m I will answer (it’s in French)
- ‘Je vais bien, pas le choix!’ (I’m doing well, no choice!) or more often ‘Je vais toujours bien, c’est défendu d’aller mal!’ (I’m always well, It’s forbidden to feel bad!'). Edit I will more often than not smile, saying that.
- ‘Bien sur et toi?’ (sure, and you?) and, yep, I purposefully do not answer the question.
I don’t lie (I may even hint that I may not be doing that well, in the first type of answers) but I also shamelessly use the fact that most people don’t give the slightest crap how well I really am when they’re asking. That’s small-talk 101. Like saying ‘the weather is nice today, isn’t it?’
The less interactions I have with the kind of persons who rely on small-talk, the happier I’m. So, it never bothers me to be ‘polite’ as I know how efficient it is to shorten the time and energy I waste with them.
Curiosity question, is it common where you’re from for people to ask how you’re doing as a form of greeting? I had always heard it was such an American thing to do.
Here in France it’s probably the norm the moment it’s some other person you vaguely know. Or if there is no ‘power’ our authority relation involved.
That said, things me be different for younger people (I’m in my 50s) as I’ve noticed they don’t talk that much in person.
I don’t know what your job is but I just either ignore the question immediately moving on, or give a short honest answer. I work at a servo though and that might not work.
Breathing is the answer that gets the best response for me.
Breathing? Just standing there, breathing, without giving an answer? What does breathing mean here?
I say the word breathing.
“How are you today?”
“Breathing”
I hated that question when I worked at jobs where I got yelled at by customers.
Just give a number out of ten.
Have you considered ego death? Abandon concepts like being polite or not rocking the boat. Do something you think might be enjoyable because you can and laugh off others who don’t understand. Life is too short to be normal.
Life is a sandbox game and nowhere it says you need to play it like other people do. I look at the lives of the “average person” and I don’t want what they have so I also don’t see why I should do what they do and expect a different outcome. Ofcourse one doesn’t just choose to not care about what others think - it’s not that easy, but there are small steps you can take towards it that you can do every day.
For example: I like looking at things. Virtually every day I notice something and go: “what is that?” A normal person would maybe look at it while walking by without stopping but not me. I’m the guy others walk by wondering what the hell is he doing. Just yesterday there was this fascinating chain mail curtain that a store uses to close in the cashier window at night and I spent a solid 2 minutes there twiddling with it while the staff was wondering if I’m going to buy something or not. Nah, I’m just studying this thing here.
I’ve been going with “surviving” for the last year or so. It’s about as good as I can confess to myself most days. I agree with you in that “good thanks”, you? Feels you close to lying for my morals on my bad days.
I do. It’s a cultural façade for both sides, one to pretend it cares, the other to pretend it’s being honest.
You can say other things. Good. It’s been better. I’m alive. Just keep it short.
The horrors persist, but so do I.
Cthulu lives (runs away)
“It’s good to see you” is still positive and doesn’t get into detail, so I prefer that.
