Some random dude walked up to me while I was waiting outside a food place for my food and asked me this question.
I said “no, I dont give out random favors” and something along the lines of that’s sus.
Is it rude to say no to random dude that asks for a favor?
Assume they’re asking because they want to make sure it’s not imposing, in which case it’s good to assert boundaries you need too. If they push it was just a manipulation tactic, in which case you’re more than justified in walking.
He walked away. Said something about it’s not for money or something, I’m very suspicious of random humans.
Since he walked away i assume he meant no harm. I thought it strange shrug.
You think it’s strange to ask a stranger for help? That sounds like a cold world to me
You weren’t there.
He walked up and said hi and wanted to shake my hand (red flags germaphobe)
Hey, can I ask you a favor? (As he tries to set stuff down next to me on the table, red flags what do you want from me, money, theft, drugs)
I stood up and was like like “no, you can’t ask me a favor.”
Like, seriously I guess I am rude for wanting to sit in peace and waiting for food from place.
You’re mixing up two very different things. In your post you asked how you should respond in the general situation of a stranger asking if you could do them a favor, and so that’s the question that people answered on this page.
Then in your replies you try to apply those answers to a totally different situation.
- If a person simply asks if you could do them a favor, then all the replies on this page apply.
BUT
- If a person is rude to you first then you are justified in being rude back to them.
There’s beggers all around in my area. I say no all the time. You get tired of all the same begging bs very quickly.
At least he didn’t continue asking you and following you.
Sometimes people use that question rhetorically because it feels polite, viewing it as a small talk precursor to ease in to actually just saying what they want.
I don’t like when people use it as such, because it is insincere, poor consent practice, and low-key manipulative due to the foot in the door phenomenon .
There are tons of legitimate reasons to not be comfortable with the question. Don’t have time, bad headspace, don’t feel comfortable… If they can’t understand that, I try not to care what they think of me.
This is part of my fear.
Not at all everyone has their own set of boundaries and if you don’t want to do something for a stranger that’s OK too.
Thanks, that’s kind of my stance. I’m suspicious of random humans.
I don’t think it’s rude. It’s a favor, after all, not expected behavior.
I almost always respond with, “depends on the favor.” They could be asking for you to take their picture; they could be asking for $1000 for their MLM. I’m not signing a blank check by answering “yes”.
This is my go-to as well, never fails. Because a lot of the things people want me to do for them (especially at work in public-facing job) are legitimately things I won’t or don’t want to do.
No
Rudeness is in the presentation, not the fact.
If you say “fuck off”, that’s rude.
If you say “I don’t do favors for people I don’t know” or “I don’t take requests from strangers” those are neutral and acceptable facts.
If you say “you can ask, but it doesn’t mean I’ll do it” that’s another neutral and acceptable way to address it if you’re willing to see what the favor might be, since some favors might me acceptable.
I tend to be willing to hear the request, but only with the caveat that I will most likely not comply. Last time a stranger asked if I could “help them”, my response was “I doubt I can, and I might not, but ask away”. They asked, and all they wanted was a light. I no longer smoke, but I carry a lighter. So I checked the surroundings and lit his cig
Years ago, I had a patient that lived in a really shifty area, and folks would approach me on my way up to their apartment. I’d see them coming and before they could reach me, I’d tell them that if they were wanting something to not waste their time, but if they were looking for trouble, they found it.
Which was rude in other circumstances, but necessary in that place at that time.
Your response was acceptable in that time at that place. Not necessarily the friendliest way of phrasing it, but sometimes being friendly doesn’t go well.
firmly agree. It’s all about the presentation. For example, using what was provided above the act of just saying no was a neutral sentence. Adding afterward that that’s just sus changed it from being a neutral to a negative because now you’re accusing the other person of being sketchy/sus,without providing the ability to prove otherwise. That I find rude.
The ones that you call neutral, I would say are still rude.
There’s always leeway in that kind of thing for sure.
Part of it Is what we assume is the minimum degree of energy/effort we’re required to spend on a given person. Places with a higher degree of obligation to strangers are going to see what I call neutral as anything from rude to outright antisocial.
Even here in the south, where the obligation is relatively minor, my neutral would be seen as unfriendly, though not rude. People shit on southern hospitality because it can seem artificial, but there is a genuine “code” where the standard of obligation is higher than in many places in the US. Someone approaches you politely in public here, you really are supposed to hear them out at least. Some of the older folks still think that if someone drops by to visit you almost have to invite them in if they’re even remotely known to you. And likely offer them a drink. And you won’t talk shit about them until they leave lol.
I grew up in notoriously rude New Jersey. You might be surprised to learn that we also had a similar code, we’re just less tactful about it. People in that region are assholes but genuinely kind, helpful people. Kind of like the opposite of the south.
See, that’s the thing people do “the opposite of the south”
Have you been down here for extended times? Ever been in a rural town when a house burns down and everyone rallies to keep the family going? Or seen the nigh endless parade of food when a person is sick, or dying?
This fucking idea that southern manners and hospitality are fake is such bullshit. Empty headed bullshit at that. Oh, there’s plenty of “bless your heart” going on, but there’s also people feeding every damn kid that’s in the house, no matter whose they are.
The fuck outta here with that “opposite” bullshit.
Right fucking now, my sister has three kids that are no blood relation in her house, feeding them, making sure they’re clothed, making sure they were getting to school, making birthday parties happen.
Why? Because that’s what you fucking do.
That’s just as much a part of southern hospitality as whatever half-assed concept you think it is.
Opposite of the south. The fuck?
Yes. I have spent time living in the south and I have family from there.
Your rant has nothing to do with my comment. I was talking about superficial friendliness versus rudeness.
Well, the reason it came across otherwise is this sentence:
People in that region are assholes but genuinely kind, helpful people.
When that’s followed up by “the opposite of the south”, it would read that the entire sentence is what’s opposite, not just part of it.
My apologies for not asking for clarification and assuming the worst.
It’s not rude at all IMO. Some people like to help some others not, simply as that.
I tend to say something along the lines of “what’s your problem?”
Gives an opening to hear more without committing, and makes it clear it’s still THEIR problem.
When I was growing up, attending Jewish day school, my Rabbi taught me that an opportunity to help a stranger is a gift. I would entertain the question and I recommend that you do too in the future. Obviously you don’t need to comply with any unreasonable requests but typically a stranger is only going to ask you for something that takes like 2 minutes of your time and no real loss.
Helping people is enriching and will give you a sense of well-being in this fucked up grim world. You come out ahead in these situations. On the flip side, it’s clear that refusing this stranger is eating at you at least a little and has done some tiny damage to your soul, strictly figuratively speaking.
I take your point, and in general agree with it. We should try to help.
Hoever, someone approaches like that and my radar is going off. Sorry, my safety comes first, so I’m just going to say “No thanks”, every time, because we all know this person is trying to scam someone. (And I literally mean “No thanks” - It’s oddly disarming by reversing the roles, if only for a moment).
Someone once told me “don’t let them use your principles against you”, which is exactly what this scammer is doing.
There’s a world of difference between helping a stranger and allowing yourself to be pulled into a potentially risky situation.
This is the same reason I never pick up hitch hikers (I have in certain areas/circumstances).
Though I have no problem helping someone on the side of the road. I’ve helped random people carry stuff out of the store to their car - by offering to help them.
These are different situations which you can assess in the moment.
It would be rude to not even allow them to ask. But it wouldn’t be rude to turn down the favor after hearing what it is.
(Seriously: If it’s a stranger, it’s not rude at all. It’s actually more rude to ask a complete stranger for a random favor)
Your stance is that I’m required to say yes for some random street person to ask you for a favor?
As in yes, please explain the favor first so I can say no afterwards?
I suffer from anxiety and nearly had a panic attack. Been mugged and had broken bone from it.
I have severe anxiety too. It is an unfortunate additional challenge, but it does not absolve us our part in society nor give us an excuse to treat others poorly.
I don’t think you’re required to do it, personally, but I agree that it would be rude to not even hear someone out. Especially with someone you know even as an acquaintance. It could be anything from, “can you hold this for a second” to “do you mind splitting this $8000 timeshare with me?”
If it’s just a completely random person on the street, and their first word is “can you do me a favor” that’s different. I think it’s still rude, I just also think that when you engage with entirely random people being rude is acceptable sometimes. Especially if there’s an actual reason for you to feel unsafe- if you’re alone/it’s a shady area type thing.
This probably depends on the area, though. I’m from the southeastern US and from my understanding people engage with each other waaay more in public here than they do in- as a random example- New York.
You chose a seemingly intentionally rude way to respond. There’s a whole lot of ways to decline something, and it’s just as easy to be polite as not. “Sorry, I don’t have time,” even just “sorry” and keep walking are great options. Or you can choose to make someone feel bad just for asking/needing help with something. Not sure why you’d choose to make a stranger feel bad, but I guess that’s up to you.
And btw, the way you are responding to comments makes clear that, rather than genuinely asking this question, you are just looking for people to tell you it was ok to be rude.
The interaction made me feel bad.
Like maybe they are getting ready to con me. The foot in the door that someone referenced earlier. I was attempting to be polite and firm with “no, I dont do thing”. It didn’t matter the human that was asking.
I guess you could say OP’s wording was a bit rude (stylistically, not in substance, imo). Personally I’d go with a “No, sorry.” or “Sorry, in a rush!” if on the move, and leave it at that as elaboration leaves the door open for them to pry. Either way the question is about whether it’s rude to refuse, not whether the specific example was.
Personally, I’d rather assume OP is chatting/providing more context rather than fishing for sympathy. Many of the comments that say it is rude also say but not if it’s a rando, which it was.
Keep walking while sitting and waiting for my food…
No, but people often sees you like the guy who doesn’t do any favors
“You can ask, sure. Let’s go back inside.” where the cameras are and it’s illegal to solicit or beg.
Make sure to call the police too champ
Bit rude, yeah, but sometimes it’s better to be rude than let someone cross your boundaries. How much more awkward is it if you say “yes” or “maybe” and then they ask if they can borrow your phone or something and you have to evaluate whether you trust this random person while they’re looking right at you? A lot of people are definitely asking this way because it gets you to let your guard down and they know you would’ve said no if they’d just straight asked. Personally I tend to respond with “you can ask” or something like that. Making it pretty clear that I’m skeptical of what they’re going to ask. But my default assumption of other people in a city is that they’re potentially either trying to scam me or rob me.
A lot of people are saying similar.
It also sounds like they targeted you specifically while you were waiting in line. So not only did they only approach you about it when they could’ve asked anybody, they approached you in a place where it’s hard for you to just walk away. That’s sus to me, I think your instincts were right to not give them an in.
No line, solo outside at a table on my phone. Dude invaded my space wanted to shake my hand and ask for a favor.
I guess I could have handled slightly better according to lemmy.
I have helped so many people in my life and lost thousands of money and time to helping humans.
To be not rude, all you have to do is be polite.
If a stranger politely asks if you can do them a favor, you don’t have to say yes, you don’t even have to ask what the favor is, but to be polite you do have respond to what they said. Like you can just reply “sorry, I’m busy right now” and keep walking on your way
It’s difficult to keep walking when you are sitting and waiting for food.
I was giving an example, you aren’t limited to just that exact response
I guess i may have been slightly rude for immediate denial of a stranger invading my personal space.
Is walking up to you and asking something while your waiting considered invading your personal space? Thats insane to me.
Said in another comment, he walked up to my table said hi and reached out to shake hands, set his stuff down on the table I was sitting at.
“You can ask.”
That’s a pretty good answer. Indicates your not taking any bullshit without being rude.
It’s still a bit passive aggressive, I would feel.
I think if I were quick of thought (oh, how I wish!) I’d reply something positive like, “sure, what’s up?” And then if the request were too onerous I’d say, “sorry, I can’t.”
When a stranger asks for a favor but then doesn’t immediately tell you what that favor is 9 times out of 10 it’s some bullshit you definitely don’t want to say yes to so just the phrasing of the initial question would make me feel less inclined to respond something nice.
Depends on tone, for sure.
A good answer
That’s a con game, you can respond whatever way you like within reason.
Also, “no” is a complete sentence and it is more rude to ignore EPs if person is on fact vulnurable. So stiff no will do the job while letting the person to keep their dignity
What is an EP, please?
I was also curious so i looked it up expecting a lot of common acronyms/initialisms, but was not prepared for 169… Anyway after scrolling through it a few times i think either ‘everyday people’ or ‘entitled people’ are the most likely ones.
