I think: actual straight people don’t exist, only self hating people who cling desperately to an imagined blood tribe.
That being said, don’t proselytize your ways in other people’s places of love that do you no harm. I think of it like a church: you do you, I’ll do these people :)
That’s only true if gay people don’t exist either though. I would love to be bi, how nice it must be to not care what body someone wears. Not closed minded, half my kids are queer, and my mom didn’t care or judge either.
But I’m straight, I know, I’ve tried with women and it doesn’t feel like sex, there is nothing. It’s men for me, so that makes me straight, yes?
I think: actual straight people don’t exist, only self hating people who cling desperately to an imagined blood tribe.
Honestly, this is absurd. I’ve been on this Earth for over 50 years, I am a man, and I’ve never felt attracted to a man. I am straight. I exist. I don’t hate myself, I also don’t hate others for their sexuality. Let gay folks be gay, let lesbians be lesbians, let bisexuals be bisexual. I fully support trans folks. I am not against anything LGBT+. But I don’t fit any of those labels. I am a man, and I am only attracted to women. I don’t even understand how/why straight/bi women are attracted to men. I’m glad they are though.
You could offer me a billion dollars to fuck a man, and I just would not be able to do it. No man is making my dick hard. My sexual identity is just as valid as yours. Gay people exist. Bisexual people exist. Straight people exist. You can’t tell me I don’t exist. I am attracted to women exclusively. To be clear, that includes trans women, some of those women are really beautiful. Trans women are women.
…thirty years ago “fag hag” was a common pejorative for groupies; not sure whether that’s still the case…
Also “fruit fly”.
never heard that one.
I once got told off for being at a gay bar by an older lesbian couple. They said “our kind didn’t belong there” after they saw me dancing with my (just-out-of-the-closet) male friend and I guess assumed we were straight 🤷.
I understand they get annoyed when straight people just come to their parties because it is fun, because it is supposed to be a safe space and a space where you go to look for other gay people. At the same time, I wanted to be supportive of my friend and continue going to parties together.
Those people are just as pathetic as homophobes.
Similar, granted…however homophobes didn’t go thru societal level hatred before finding a safe space
Yet! There’s still time to change that.
Heterophobes
Nah, fuck those old bigots.
Nobody gets a pass on that shit. And people likely to say that shit are likely to say it about other groups they don’t belong to as well.
What’s my opinion about women going somewhere where they know they’ll be safe, you mean?
Lesbians and bisexual men rape people too.
At a much lower rate
Where’d you find stats?
I couldn’t.
Like, obviously by total number. But that’s because there’s a lot more straight people.
Anecdotally back in my bar hopping days, people were getting dosed at gay bars way more than straight bars. Mostly straight male friends, but once it was it was a woman in our friend group.
Pretty sure it’s because she drank her BFs drink that night tho, that dude was a weirdly a magnet for it.
But I think it’s important that person was just saying it happens there too.
Like, the people who do this are dirtbags, if women are going to gay bars to feel safe, they’re gonna go to gay bars and do this too. Because when people feel safe, they let their guard down.
Just because a bar owner designated their bar as gay, doesn’t mean they have date rapist radar installed.
People should be aware that nowhere isn100% safe and you still need to be aware.
So imagine a bowl of skittles…
Yeah… OP reaks of being pissed that some girls have figured out a safe space and he’s too straight to go to a gay bar.
I’m happy these girls have found a safe space, I’m sad they had to find a safe space.
I’m gay. Bachelorette parties “taking over” gay bars and then SA gay men because “you’re gay so you don’t care if I grab your butt” is annoying AF. Objectify gay men in our safe spaces is unacceptable.
I mean, have the bar kick them out because they’re groping people?
I’ve been groped by gay men in straight bars, I never said gay men shouldn’t be allowed there. I never even tried to have any kicked out, just said I wasn’t interested.
If you told them that and they kept doing it, you should have had them kicked out because even if they stopped doing it to you, they’d likely do it to someone else.
But loads of places don’t let in obvious bachelor or bachelorette parties, that seems like a more level headed path.
My apologies, I made a poor assumption.
That kind of behavior should result in being ejected from any (every) establishment.
You’re exactly right: your safe space must be kept safe.
They’re free to do whatever they want. Besides, why would they care about my opinion?
I do think of gay bars as spaces SAFE for gay people, not exclusive to us.
Probably because that’s what they are supposed to be?
That being said, as a straight man who’s been to a lot of gay bars all over, I know more people (regardless of gender) who were drugged at gay bars than people (again, regardless of gender) who were drugged in “straight bars”.
Like, it depends on your definition of “safe” I guess, and obviously the individual bar. All it takes is one douchebag to make anywhere unsafe.
You probably just meant “gay bars are a safe place to be openly (whatever sexuality you are)”.
Which is true.
I’ve never seen any gay bar discriminate against straight people tho, the absolute closest would be they treat hot women as normal people. And especially for young attractive women that could come off as discrimination. Because they don’t realize how much preferential treatment they get at straight bars, and that it’s all based on their physical looks.
The last part reads super misogynist. Young attractive women have problems of their own, feeling underpriviledged in gay bars is not one of them.
So as long as I’m a good boy, I’m okay to be there?
I’m not going there on purpose, but I managed to stumble into bars a couple of times without noticing it at first. I finished my drink and went on as I didn’t want to offend anyone as the foreign object invading.
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Pretty much like this, yeah, but it was all men.
This lesbian bar has no fire exits!
This was me in a foreign city one time. Walked into a random bar by myself, had a few drinks. In retrospect i think it was a gay bar, but i had no idea.
Nobody cares.
When I was younger gay bars were always the pre-drink bars.
It’s not like they’re all you can eat buffets where everyone is down, it’s just a place where gay people feel comfortable approaching people they’re attracted to.
So by being there, the only thing you’re agreeing to, is not to freak out if a guy hits on you. It’s a very low bar to clear.
Straight male, i went to this gay club a bunch with friends. Vibes were the best, plus i could go into either mens or womens restroom and be in the stall with either doing coke and no one gave a single fuck. We were all just there for a good time.
But this one time i went up to tip this beautiful drag queen and they pulled me on stage and danced around me before kissing my cheek. I dont like dudes but they were hot and i didnt care. It was always a fun time.
I think not everyone is out of the closet and we shouldn’t make anyone feel unwelcome. Also anyone you clock as “straight” could be one of those who fall under one the letters or the + at the end of the acronym everyone leaves off in conversation. Which means they ESPECIALLY deserve not to feel alienated and shouldn’t have to justify their existence in a space that is “suppose” to be accepting of queer folks. So unless someone is being obnoxious twat (in which case bounce 'em) we should mind our own damn business.
Oh and if you have a “straight” friend you want to bring or wants to come to a gay bar, all of my points still stand.
I don’t care?
As a straight man, I feel like I shouldn’t have a lot to say here, but I do.
First off, toxic masculinity makes me very uncomfortable. I’ve found over the years that I tend to gravitate towards friendships with queer people, and I find a lot of straight men very off putting.
But it’s not black and white. I find the younger queer crowd, at least the circle that I feel into, to be very kind and accepting. E.g. you can identify as whatever gender you want and people will support you. I find that very touching.
But I’ve also met a lot of problematic gay men. People who will speak rudely of woman because they are gay and I guess they feel they need to prove to the world that they don’t like woman 🤷. And it’s not just me, because I’ve seen the woman around me, including one who is bi, feel very uncomfortable at the comments made at them by certain gay men.
Like it’s not that hard. If someone isn’t being disrespectful then don’t be rude to them. Sometimes I feel like toxic masculinity plagues all men, regardless of their sexual orientation.
Is this just me, or has anyone else noticed this?
edit: probably worth saying, as I typed this it turned into a tangent. Just want to emphasize I understand the importance of having spaces for queer people
Being neither a woman or gay, I have no definitive opinion on this
Then why did you reply?
Main character.
I wanted to be part of the group
When I was a young woman and alienated teen, the gay bars were so welcoming and safe, it was a safe place for some of us who didn’t fit at the keg parties and proms and shit. We didn’t bother anyone just danced, drank, enjoyed ourselves. Made friends, watched drag shows. It probably helped me stay sane back then. Not to say that was anybody else’s responsibility, just that that’s what it did. They liked having stylish punky girls there, were always welcoming.
Of course that was decades ago and we were not like “tourists” there, if that makes sense, there was more overlap between subcultures and back then at least the gay guys were a subculture. We stayed close to some of those guys, but over half our older gay friends died of AIDS, including two who killed themselves when they got HIV.
Its all good.
The dance bar in my old city used to get overrun by bachelorette parties, women disrespecting the space and its purpose, disrespecting patrons, etc. So they made a rule that you couldn’t do bachelorette parties there anymore. Ultimately it was a good rule. I have nothing against a girl and her friend going out for a drink at a gay bar. I do have issues with them getting blitzed and walking around, trying to hang on the half naked guys, trying to be the “star” of the night, that kind of thing.
We don’t care. We know why they come and we welcome them. Bring your straight male friends. Bring your bachelorette parties - they can become annoying but we know what happens when you finally feel safe and uninhibited. And at the same time, there are economic rules at play. We go to find other gay men for various objectives. If it becomes difficult to find them or if the market feels saturated with women and straight men, we will go to a different space where there are fewer women and straight men and we will feel some amount of annoyance that we had to do so.
