followed with ‘I wasn’t aware is so important to you. I didn’t want to insult you and if you felt so, I apologize. The word fuck is one I use very often, but I’ll try to control myself around you’
Note I didn’t insult the coworker (no fuck you or fuck off), but simply said ‘fuck’ out loud due to a job error.
Really not a good apology.
It comes off as looking down on the other person.
Note I didn’t insult the coworker (no fuck you or fuck off), but simply said ‘fuck’ out loud
So it is all just bad behaviour on your side. You can apologize for that: Your own behaviour. NOT the coworker’s interpretation of it.
Dunno. I’d expect grown ass adults to be able to put their personal feelings aside for the sake of professional obligations. If your coworker is gonna get upset at everything, he’s not in for a very good time.
OP came to share a thing they’re doing and you built this story as a extremely sensitive coworker?
Getting offended by “fuck” is very sensitive behaviour
Extremely.
I agree with the sentiment, but if we’re going to make that argument based around professionalism, I would also have to argue that it’s not very professional to use that kind of language in a work setting.
So maybe this is a situation where both sides can grow.
it’s not very professional to use that kind of language in a work setting.
That depends massively on the profession, setting, and context.
Restaurant kitchen where something gets spilled, a trade where something unexpectedly breaks, a couple lawyers without anyone else around finding out their client is on camera admitting to the crime, etc. are all fine to say a calm ‘oh fuck’ as a reaction. Someone in an open office who yelled it because their code didn’t compile would not be acting very professional.
OP is a nurse in a hospital.
If no patients were around then an excited utterance gets a free pass.
It may be more common among certain job categories, but I don’t think that makes it professional behavior to do so regardless of the type of work.
Any outburst would be unprofessional, a specific word changes nothing unless directed at someone.
Found the op’s coworker.
It doesn’t seem to me that OP’s coworker had an issue with professionalism. Rather, they seem to have been triggered by the use of the word
Than replacement words shouldn’t be acceptable either, you can either express your frustration or you can’t. A choose of word shouldn’t make a difference, it should be unprofessional to make an outburst at all if that’s the case.
I hate your coworker
Tell them to grow up. Adults use adult language.
Grow up. Your opinion is shit.
See how condescending that is.
Gotta love it!
Those who say, “Stop being so sensitive” often are the biggest little bitches.
No. It just means they have some maturity about them
Nah they’re little bitches because they can’t handle that other people might be different.
Be a bit more sensitive to others instead of being a little bitch who feels uncomfortable around people expressing themselves and telling them to bottle it in?
A quality apology consists of 3 things:
- An explanation of what you did that was wrong, and why it was wrong
- An explanation of what you’re going to try and change about yourself, to avoid the same mistake
- An expression of remose. I.E. the word “sorry” or “apologize”.
Your proposed apology has all those elements, so you’re already ahead of most folks. But there are a few suggestions for improvement in this thread that I think are also good.
“if you felt so, I apologize”: I don’t read this as you apologizing for how the other person feels, since you clarified that earlier. But I think it’s fair that others might read it that way, so you’re better off eliminating the ambiguity. You’re apologizing for what you did, without considering that others might (validly) consider it inappropriate.
“I’ll try to control myself around you”: similar deal, it should be clear that this is about you, not them. And when it comes to swearing in a workplace, it’s pretty-darn common to consider it inappropriate and unprofessional, no matter who you’re around. Maybe part of your apology needs to focus on how the behavior is unprofessional, and you simply needed help recognizing that, as you’re (possibly?) new to the professional working world.
You don’t have to say anything, just change the behavior around them. If you’re required to apologize, “I’m sorry. I’ll work on that.” should suffice
Not everything is about what we’re “required” to do. If op wants to apologize, why try and talk them out of it?
I agree. Id prefer to just address it openly and directly.
It also sounds like based on the preceding post that they really are going to have to do this as the initial reaction to offending their coworker seems not to have gone down well with them and their colleagues at all. It looks like they’re kind of having to do this to prevent things escalating any further which might be why their apology has needed to be workshopped and people are finding flaws in it. They’re probably having to work through a fair bit of resentment before they can find an authentic apology in themselves. Good for them though, that can take a bit of reflection and the initial instinct can be to try and issue a non-apology apology but instead they’re working through it to get it right.
No, but the swearing is immaterial. That apology isn’t, so let’s break down the likely interpretation a bit.
I didn’t want to insult you and if you felt so, I apologize.
This is probably the most egregious part, since ‘I’m sorry you felt offended’ isn’t actually an apology, it just sounds like one. You’re not actually apologising for anything you did.
No matter what it is you might have wanted or intended, the fact of the matter is that you did offend your coworker with your swearing.
The word fuck is one I use very often, but I’ll try to control myself around you’
This part is fine-ish? I’d leave off the “around you”, since it’s extraneous. They don’t need to know that you’re deliberately taking exception around them.
I apologize. The word fuck is one I’m used to using, but I’ll try to avoid using it.
Seems a better way of putting it. You made the error, you apologised, clean and cut. No need for unnecessary explanation that could be taken as excuse, or unnecessary exceptions that may taint your intended message.
Maybe accompany it with an apology muffin or something.
I apologize. The word fuck is one I’m used to using, but I’ll try to avoid using it.
This sounds like “I’m sorry I fucking swore around you, I’ll try to stop that shit.”
is it an office. if so the apology should be more about your behavior in a professional setting not just around one person. If its blue collar it might apply if members of the public are around.
This is a solid point.
In a polite environment like an office, if one person was offended enough to call it out, there’s a huge chance others feel the same way.
I mean there will always be Karen’s who flip out that you’re just eating chips loudly.
But It’s up to the company culture to decide how to approach it as a whole, rather than address it with a single person.
Somewhat. the office environment is the employers and generally follows a civil discourse type of rule. Again in blue collar if your on a site and everyone there is just a worker then usually swearing is commonplace but if your doing a job at a home and the homeowners are around its generally frowned upon. Public businesses usually do not allow it but will let it slip if its not confrontational or often. So basically the apology is more about the owner of the space I would say and whats appropriate.
Lmao, you forgot the apology part.
“I’ll try not to swear around you. I’m sorry. I will probably not be perfect, but I assure you I’m trying.”
That’s enough.
I assume you are genuinely sorry and have decided you want to behave differently around them.
You’ve got way more patience than me. Just yesterday my own grandma was offended by my use of fuck randomly and I ended up defending myself instead of apologizing (she likes Tim Walz so I said the guy called Musk a dipshit and somehow that got me out of hot water lol). I don’t think I’d even have that much tact with a coworker.
Why would you need to apologize at all? You swore. It’s not a big fucking deal.
Right? How about this: I’ll keep the swearing to a minimum if you remove all the religious bobbles from your desk and stop talking about God. You don’t have a monopoly on being offended, and respect goes both ways.
If you have a burning desire to say anything then “Thank you for letting me know how you feel.”
“Look, I’m sorry I’m such a foulmouth asshole. I’m trying my fuckin’ best, but this shit is harder than shit. I’m a cunt hair from beatin’ this shit. I’l try not to be such a cunt going forward. We good? Cool, Fuckin’ A.”
This is a terrible apology. You make it all about then instead of your actions and then don’t even say you won’t do it, but only that you’ll try to do it…and then immediately dropping the f bomb throwing out the window any chance that you’re “trying” means anything.
So. Your co worker NEVER watches TV? You know? Where swearing is everywhere.
