One of my new friends is/was a cop. Just found out about it. I genuinely believe ACAB, and this news has me conflicted because my new friend seems really cool and super nice. I don’t know him super well yet, though. He’s a big part of this new friend group and I don’t know how to process this and how to deal with the fact he’s a cop.
I don’t want to look past the fact he’s a cop, but I want to stay his friend and stay in this friend group.
Any advice for dealing with this shit?
I can’t talk to my therapist about it until Thursday.
My sister-in-law, a cop, married a cop. She also moonlights as a paramedic and fireman, but he does the investigative shit and comes home to his kids. Every now and then we hear of some bad news out their way and wait nervously until they get home.
She’s a sweetheart and he’s a great guy, funny as the comic actor he looks amazingly like. That’s about it.
But I cheat: in Canada you don’t become a Mountie because there’s no other choice, but for the naive and noble desire to do good things. And they’re paid low, accordingly. Maybe that attracts fewer scumbags? The ones I know from here and there are - except for the one fucking pedant - great humans.
Wouldn’t be a friend.
Well, either you drop the All from ACAB… or your friend.
With things like cops, you have to remember that if no one with morals goes into it, it’ll keep getting worse.
I have a lot of family that are in some kind of law enforcement, and a couple friends from college that went into it as well.
If you cut them off because they’re cops, then the only people who associate with them are assholes and it concentrates.
Just be upfront about it.
Couple months ago I ran into a friend of a friend from college who’s a cop. The first and last things I said to him was dont be a fucking asshole. Other than that I treated him the same as if he wasn’t a cop.
If we cut that dude out of our lives, the only people he’d talk to would tell him to be more of an asshole.
Like, obviously if he’s doing shady shit, then fuck him.
Somebody just learned the dangers of broad generalizations
i use to work with the police, and many i considered my friends. i know they were good people, but i also knew those on the force that were not.
part of the acab movement is about how the general public can never know which is which, so it is in our best interest to assume we are always facing the worst of the worst. your intimate knowledge of the person can be held separately from the movement.
i do understand that those good cops allowing those bad cops is a huge issue but thats really on them, not you. officers who attempt to ‘fix’ this issue arent officers for very long.
officers who attempt to ‘fix’ this issue arent officers for very long.
I think this is the crux of it. ACAB because any cop with morals and integrity doesn’t keep their job. Those who are left are either monsters or enablers.
I see some rather extreme responses here and I am pretty radical too but don’t let this shit replace your common sense judgement when dealing with people on personal level.
Use common sense.
I mean, try to steer him to not be “one of the bad ones” and always do the right thing even if that means the possibility of getting fired.
If he starts abusing his power, thats when you have to cut off the friendship.
Basically, act as his conscience, and stop him from getting corrupted by the system.
Remember, if its not him, someone else is taking his position. Just use the fact that this happened to be your friend to try to act as a moral guide. But be willing to confront him if he becomes corrupt and be prepared of the possibility to lose this friend.
Just talk to him directly, either he reacts badly and you can leave hil, or he react nicely and you could learn something about the day to day of a different kind of cop.
Perhaps you should get to know your friend better, instead of stereotyping him. You can either learn a little about the nuances of a law enforcement career from him, or shun him and put your head back in the sand
Can you separate the profession from the person?
Does ACAB mean the people are bastards, or does it mean it’s a job that can never be done ethically?
Is ACAB a critique of the people doing the job, or is it a criticism of our society for tolerating being policed?
I don’t know if this will help or not. I came across this video a while ago. It’s a former cop describing what they deal with. I’m ACAB too, but they are still people being exploited just like us. The system is what we should be directing our anger towards. https://youtu.be/_nl5zMIwcmQ
I’ve lived in mostly rural areas, so ACAB doesn’t apply nearly as much, but one of my two best friends took law classes and became one of those officers that goes door-to-door checking on people. I technically would assume it’s like a probation officer type of position, but she’s so unathletic and overall physically outside the expectations you’d place on a cop that either A) she’s not a parole officer B) they hired her simply because she can run fast or C) they hired her because she’s the last person to fulfill the ACAB stereotype on account of how unintimidating she is, and even if I were one of those ACAB types of people, I would never in a million years visualize her as fulfilling anything except the exception to the rule.
How did I react to the news? I just shrugged. If anything, it gave me some comfort that I had a cop friend which would help certain conflicts I could end up in. From a certain point of view, if you’re so scared of cops, having a cop friend could be seen as increasing your chances of having the benefit of the doubt should something happen. Wouldn’t you want to be friends with the people in power?
I genuinely believe ACAB, and this news has me conflicted because my new friend seems really cool and super nice.
What you’re experiencing is cognitive dissonance. New information is clashing with your prior beliefs, leaving you with a choice: either update your beliefs or double down and lie to yourself even harder.
The thing is: which belief is the lie? Can cops not be bastards? Or is this guy not as nice as he appears to be?
That all cops are bastards.
How can you be so sure that’s the lie? Is that not just your own prior belief? Why do others need to evaluate their beliefs, but yours should only be doubled down on? Is that not cognitive dissonance?
There are tens of millions of cops around the world. The idea that not a single one of them is a good person is so statistically improbable that I’d bet my life on it being false.
Can you name another broad generalization that applies to every single member of that group without exception?
It’s a private club that is only open to bastards. If someone stays, it’s because the group decided they belong.
It’s not statistical probability. It’s cause and effect. All cops are bastards not because of luck, but because only bastards remain cops.
Ever heard the phrase “Nazi bar”? You let one nazi stick around, then more nazis come in and people who aren’t nazis have to either leave, be nice to the nazis, or put up with a lot of nazi attacks. Either way, the entire bar becomes full of nazis.
Law enforcement is a bastard bar. If you’re not a bastard, you leave. If you stay, you’re either a bastard, a bastard enabler, or you have a target on your back and won’t be a cop for long.
Oh yeah? You gonna open up to a cop? You gonna talk to him about stuff, maybe? You know, about that thing? What’s he gonna do? Is he gonna write it down later? What if he finds out about your association with a minority? Is he gonna arrest your friend because of something you let slip? Does he hide when his friends and family commit crimes? Can you trust a friend like that?
Because the fact he chose a bastard job makes him a bastard.
I feel bad for you. The imaginary world you live in must be really terrifying.
Where I live, there’s a strict screening process to become a cop. It requires a three-year education, and you need a college degree just to apply. There are far more applicants than available spots, so even many good candidates don’t make it in. Trust in the police is generally quite high among the population, they’re respected, and every time a firearm is used for example, it’s investigated thoroughly. Officers do face legal consequences when malpractice is discovered.
So, yeah, I’d hang out with a cop and talk to them about the same stuff I’d discuss with anyone else.
Oooooh, so your opinion is irrelevant everywhere else. Have fun with the leopards. I’m sure they won’t eat your face.
When you realize that the cop on the job and the person in their free time are 2 separate, almost independent, personalities, the cognitive dissonance goes away.
Uh no. That is exactly what cognitive dissonance IS.
No. If you want to correct someone, please be sure to know your definitions.
Cognitive dissonance is a process inside the observers mind. In this example it goes something like this: ‘I believe all cops are bastards’ vs. ‘I met a cop and he is not a bastard’ -> something doesnt match, thats the dissonance.
My sarcastic comment hinted at the person OP met not being a cop, but the flipside of a human that is a cop in their job and a completely different person in their freetime (like schizophrenics). This makes the second statement ‘I met a cop and he is not a bastard’ untrue and resolves the dissonance.
It is not cognitive dissonance to understand that people wear different masks around different people Your best friend can be nice to you while secretly abusing his family. Cop can treat others like subhumans, and still be nice to you. Still a bastard.
I believe ACAB, and my cousin is actively trying to become a state trooper.
Doesn’t mean I walk up and spit in his face at every family gathering. We talk, we grew up together, we shoot the shit and have a good time.
But if he asked me to condone or celebrate his job? Nah, he knows how I feel about the police and their profession, as long as he’s safe and not drinking the Kool aid (he will) that’s all I can hope. And that maybe he’ll open his eyes someday. 🤷♀️
As a hard rule, though, I won’t date cops or mess around with them. One reached out on a dating app recently and I just politely responded with “I’m not interested in law enforcement, sorry” to which I got “Uh, I’m actually a correctional officer.”
Cool, so you abuse people after the police have finished abusing them, that’s not the brag you think it is.
This is the best mentality
