I dated around until I was so heartbroken and fed up, I took an intentional full year off. I focused on my friendships and family. I stuck my toe back in when I was 32.

Met my forever love on plenty of fish in 2019. I thought he was super nerdy, our first conversations were just about his cat. I had actually just became an accidental owner of my first kitty myself, so we chatted about our kitties and metal music that first day. He never was crude, he never sexted at me, he never pushed himself physically at me, he was just sweet

After about four weeks of texting all day everyday we met up. We went for a walk, and I was comfortable enough to go back to his place where we smoked weed and we talked for 6 hours. We then hung out after he got off work, and my kid went to sleep, 3-4 times a week. We’d hug goodbye and those hugs reset my soul. After about three weeks of that, he texted me after he left my house on night, “I wish I kissed you”. And next time I saw him we did. He still never pushed for sex. I really loved this after years of being treated like an object. After hanging out for about six weeks we went on a weekend getaway near by to the shore, became officially a couple and made love the first time.

The rest is history. I met him online, we’re both introverted af and idk. He said he was ready to quit the app before I messaged him. He said, “oh lord who is this girl?”. He also never (still doesn’t) want childrenm he took a gamble with me because we got along so well. And so, we clicked. He’s my favorite asshole :)

I always remained optimistic when looking for a partner, always open to new ideas. But it was clear my partner was the type who respected women, and like I said, after years trying to find the man I thought I wanted, I found the one I needed. I had always wished I could tale the best part of my exes and sew em up into the perfect man, well, he is just that. All the best parts. He is my bestest of best friends, and I’ll cherish him until I die. He really saved my life and gave my young son and I, a real family. This matters to me more than anything. I just giggle sometimes remembering I nearly wrote him off, nearly, for being such a goober that first chat, and I’m so glad I didn’t. I even love his flaws, or what he perceives as flaws, I love them, I love him.

Optimism really was what kept me going. Plus, I’m a catch ;)

I don’t know how much the online dating scene has changed the last few years, but I wish I could tell people it’s okay if you haven’t found your partner in life yet. I know folks who didn’t meet thier partners until they were 40, I know fresh divorced 29 year olds. Like, don’t rush, let it come and gather patience, if you can, inside your heart.

My current partner and I are both introverts. The only reason we met is because we both dared to go outside to our LGS (Local Game Store). There, we met over a game of Magic the Gathering and some DnD and misc board/card games that I brought with me. And we started chit chatting over discord.

I eventually invited them over to my birthday at Dave and Busters where we bonded and there was a spark. I asked them out first, to which they said “yes” but they had a condition. We had to go on 3 dates before it was official. During that time I learned a lot about her life and I told her alot about mine. We were extremely similar in a lot of ways but also different in some ways. But the dates went really really well. And we’ve been steady for 2 years now.

In addition, I’ve somehow very quickly gained favor with their family simply by doing occasional board game nights with non-mainstream board/card games and just hanging out with the family and stuff. And also providing tech support on occasion haha.

Needless to say it has been going really really well. Way better than any of my past relationships. It only took me 39 years to get to this point in my life. As some of the comments have said, finding your love can sometimes take a long time.

Just try to be patient with finding love. And try to do things you like to do that are outside. That way you can meet people naturally with similar interests. There’s tons of events and things out there that you can go to just to meet people that like the same things that you do.

33 years ago, we really just collided, there is no other way to describe it.

I was in the US Army and stationed at the same hospital she worked at, she brought a patient consult to my office. Two weeks later we started fucking, four months later we got married.

We met through a shared college class, and became friends studying. We kept having lunch every few months for a couple years while we both dated other people. Eventually the stars aligned, and we went on date! Here we are 11 years later, happily married <3

Dungeons & Dragons.

We met on Tinder of all places. It happens :) We vibed real quick, and now call each other love of our lives.

Met through mutual friends. Dated. Had fun. Got married. Had kid.

My wife and I met through Okcupid about fifteen years ago.

I had been in an insanely stupid long-distance relationship, called it off, and started looking for someone local.

The woman I broke things off with was younger than me and baby crazy, so I extended my age range by the same amount and met my wife quickly thereafter.

Specifically, we chatted for two or three weeks before I suggested we meet at a coffee place.

Two dates later we were exclusive.

She is seven years older than me and had never been in a serious relationship.

Just keep looking. Lonely people are absolutely everywhere, and you’re bound to find someone you just link up with eventually.

In my mid-thirties, I decided to take some classes after work. I took an acting class because it’s not something I would have ever done. Ended up marrying someone I didn’t even know was in my class. Guess I made an impression. I was not a good actor.

I also took an art class, despite not being very good at art. Met some cool people that I kept in touch with for a while.

Take some classes, or just get out of your comfort zone. Doing something you’ve never done before, especially with other people who have never done it before, that’s when the brain is lit up and paying attention. That advice also works for dates. Go do something together that neither of you has done before. Do that multiple times in a row. 60% of the time, it works every time.

A couple decades of going to the gym and eating healthy. It eventually pays off. Might take a couple decades but hey better late than never.

I met her in a bar, I was 35, she was 21. She was friends with a friend I knew. I order her a Guinness and a shot of whiskey- she proceeded to down the whiskey without flinching and chased it with the Guinness- then looked at me with big “kitten eyes”.

This was all before I even got to touch my drink.

Hell of an ice breaker.

Anyway, that was almost 18 years ago.

I think it took all of about a week or so for us to just know we clicked. And a bit longer for me to get off my ass and make it “official”. As far as how?

I was just being myself. Nothing more. Never use tricks, oversell yourself, or act against who you are… all of this comes out sooner or later.

Just be who you are. It’s better to get someone to love you this way than to have to maintain an act.

And it’s genuine. There’s a lot to be said for that.

Local game store. Played various rpgs with him. Boyfriend at the time dumped me. Started talking to him more. We were going to take it slow because there’s a 16 year age gap, but mother kicked me out of the house and I asked if I could stay there. He agreed. I didn’t leave.

That was almost twenty years ago.

A question for those who have a partner, how did you manage to do it and how long did it take?

I/We did not ‘do it’ if by that you mean deciding to meeting someone to become a couple, be it for night or for a lifetime. For us, it happened and it seems to be holding quite well after 25 years together and counting ;)

How did it happen? We were into some similar interests and we started chatting about it (online, back in the late 90s, before apps and algorithm), no dating, no nothing, just chatting about that common interest. And enjoying our conversations. One day, we decided to meet IRL as the opportunity arise and, well, it clicked. We enjoyed that time together and decided to try another time, and then a third. And then we both agreed it would be nice (and much simpler too) if we moved together.

it’s hard for me to communicate with people on the street.

You’re right, it is hard. For anyone. You probably should not do that to begin with.

I mean, one may (or may not) meet people on the street (or anywhere else) and then one may (or may not) start having a conversation with them, and then… But most of the time, people are not on the street waiting to be ‘communicated’ with, and the few that do they are probably doing it for the money.

One needs to spend time with people with whom one has some shared interest for a conversation to have a chance to get anywhere. One also needs to be ok with those person not be willing to have discussion or spend time with them as they may have other plans and/or interests. It’s ok to being told ‘no, thx’, it’s not a failure.

So, the question is mostly this: what are your hobbies and passions? Because that’s where you should try to meet other people. It helps a lot to know you have some common interest, even more so when you’re shy.

I’m an introvert

My spouse and I we’re both introverts. It would be an understatement to say I’m shy as fuck. And so is she, just worse. But it seldom is an issue for me, provided I have something to talk about with the other person. No matter how deep or thin the topic is as long as it helps me stop feeling like it’s about me (which it never is, btw) and more about whatever is the subject of our conversation. Even asking for directions or… commenting to your question ;)

As far as dating goes, no matter how unpopular this seems to be considered nowadays, I think it also helps a lot to not have expectations regarding who the other person should be (physically, morally, financially and so on), and how she should behave (the should do this and that, say this and that, think this and that). We all are different, we all have flaws. And we can all be going through some hardship, at times.

Like I said, my spouse and I have been together for 25+ years but there are still today things she does I don’t like, and people she likes I don’t like (and don’t waste my own time with). And it’s same with me. We’re not glued together, even though I’ve read Plato I don’t believe we ought to become ‘one’ as a couple. And that’s fine. We also had our fair share of issues, as a couple, and that too is fine.

In summary: being shy did not prevent me to meet girls. What did was not knowing what to talk about with them, and then my fear of being rejected. And then my expectations. The day I got rid of that fear and expectations, taking meeting new people what it truly is (an opportunity) it went better. An opportunity? It’s an opportunity to try and maybe to fail and maybe to learn something in the process (improving oneself), than to not even try and to certainly not succeed and not learn anything in order to improve, quite the contrary: fear of action and rumination won’t help anyone grow/feel better.

I am an extrovert and I met my wife by approaching her. Probably puts me in the minority, but I was on vacation, she was a friend of a friend, I hit on her in a bar, it worked, we stayed in touch after my vacation ended, visited each other, went long distance, moved in together, got married. Together 11 years, married 7 years.

I dated for 18 years before I found the right person. I met her at a friend’s party. We were all just standing around chatting, and at the end of the night I asked for her number because she was fun to talk to.

I met 18 years of wrong people using dating apps, at activities in school and after, and at various parties. All those methods are fine.

I have never once communicated with a complete stranger in person. It was always a friend of a friend, or we know each other from something, or talk first on apps.

There’s no trick to it. Just talk to people. If you struggle to talk to girls, talk to guys. If you struggled to talk to guys, work on that by talking to more guys.