“Buy experiences, not things”
The rationale isn’t exactly wrong for the comparison, but it smuggles in an underlying assumption that it’s reasonable and normal to be spending all your available money in an effort to be happy. Money is way more useful for reinforcing your continued survival and freedom than for anything else and the idea that it’s good for regulating your emotions beyond that is a deception geared towards keeping consumer spending up.
I was also never sure how to separate “things” from “experiences.” Is a fancy cocktail while I’m on a beach vacation a thing or an experience? If I buy a new table saw for my hobby woodshop is that a thing or a experience?
We don’t normally buy things and then bury them in a hole in the ground. We buy them because we intend to use them, even if that use is just for decoration. Our things enable experiences, and our experiences require things.
The line between thing and experience has always been very blurry to me.
Another example: is a good book a thing or an experience?
Use AI.
It’s rude to discuss your salary at work
That’s just what your employer wants you to think so you don’t know who’s getting paid unfairly.
Yeah I agree, it’s utter BS. Just like your engagement ring is supposed to be 2 months salary, it was 2 weeks 30 years ago. Debeirs just makes the shit up.
“Don’t care what other people think about you”
Sounds like permission to be an asshole.
I understand what it’s trying to say, but assholes don’t mind borrowing the mantra.
if you care what people think about you, you become a masked compliant normie
(masked as in masking autism/adhd/etc and ICE)
I’m with you on this one, OP. Selfish, litter-dropping, swearing-in-front-of-kids, loud-music-playing motherfuckers don’t care what other people think and they accelerate the erosion of community. Community is how we defend each other from the inevitable shit that is heading our way.
seeking other people’s approval constantly also makes you an asshole
I read a book a while back called “The Courage to be Disliked”. That title could be used for some manosphere nonsense but it was instead an overall positive book about determining your self-worth based on your own honest evaluation of yourself, with the goal of improving things that you otherwise make excuses for. It was helpful to me as someone who’s been a people pleaser with low confidence. Hearing that mantra reminds me of it. I think it’s certainly not universally applicable, but it can be good advice for the right person.
I get what you’re trying to share, which makes a lot of sense, but now reframe it in a different context (just an hypothesis, obviously not an affirmation) : you live surrounded by assholes (say, racists ones), should you mind what they think about you (not being a racist)?
“Crime doesn’t pay”
Tell that to the companies which get a few million in fines for stealing tens of millions in wages.
Crime doesn’t pay when you’re not protected by privilege and status.
Idk man I’ve been making pretty good money out of growing weed and am not protected. Even with the occasional bust, it’s still a net plus.
Be good at what you do. No half measures.
Edit the camera was shitter than my older phone, apologies
Edit 2 for law enforcement this picture is >2 y old
Thank you for your service.
o7
I was gonna be like “fkin Americans commenting again on me mentioning military service” since 75% of males here do it, but yeah, this one was good.
I’m proud. I was a bit hesitant, actually, about ordering a new tent, (since my last one got confiscated, again, 2nd bust in all), but with that comment, I think I’m gonna have to continue serving.
“Be yourself” in regards to dating.
I don’t know about most people, but I was an absolute asshat in my twenties.
If I had to rephrase that for myself, it would be to read a bunch of books, work out, and learn to be more socially acceptable so people can tolerate my stupid ass and actually want to date me.
(fyi that was like two decades ago and I’m happily married with two kids. )
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I like that a lot! Thank you!
I’d rephrase it to “be your best self” … you know that you can take better care of your appearance, ask attentive questions, chew with your mouth closed, etc.
It’s a question of effort.
This is a double edged sword. You shouldn’t put a ton of effort into your dating self if you’re not prepared to keep that up for the rest of your life, otherwise you’re just screwing your spouse. I’m so so glad I put very little effort into masking/ lying about who I am when I dated my spouse. I was just honest. I hate cooking. I’m hard to get ahold of/ don’t answer messages quickly. I don’t want to own a dog. Now that we’re 7 years in, I don’t have to let him down by saying a dog is too much housekeeping for me. I told him that on date 2. He on the other hand definitely presented his best foot, which was disappointing 5 years in when he could no longer keep it up. He’s messy, he apparently really wants a dog, and he also hates cooking, none of which i knew until long after we married.
Yes, absolutely.
The mature thing is to recognise that you don’t want to live in a dirty home and smell bad … and to realise that means you need to put in half the effort needed to accomplish that (assuming a partnership of two people under one roof)
To me it means be genuine vs being fake. Acting like someone you aren’t to get a partner only results in having a partner that you don’t have a real connection with, and who values you for qualities you don’t actually have.
Well yes … but I’ve met many men who, when being themselves, were simply putting in zero effort. And they were oblivious to it.
Sometimes it takes someone to come in from outside and give them a shove jn the right direction.
Absolutely this. I currently know a guy who is a fully grown adult who loves Asmongold and flips out at why he can’t get a girl to look at him.
“Be yourself. And then make sure “yourself” is someone people want to be around.”
This one is hard because it also depends on what “you” (the person receiving this information) considers is good.
I think about the manosphere and those frail babies are surrounded by ego cucks.
I still think it’s good advice FOR DATING.
If you’re a pile of shit, then regardless of if you’re dating, married, or single you should be taking active steps to learn and grow into the best version of yourself. “Be yourself” is not an instruction to stagnate.
Specifically for dating, don’t invent a personality or persona. IF the person falls for you, they didn’t fall for you… they fell for a fabrication. For someone who doesn’t exist. That’s a super shitty thing to do to someone else.
“Pretend to be the person someone else wants you to be for the express purpose of getting them emotionally invested in you” might be the most toxic advice there is. It disregards the agency of the other person. It disrespects them entirely. It implies the ends justify the means.
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It also sends a message that there’s no point in bringing up things that bother you. A kid raised on “just ignore them” may internalize that they shouldn’t talk about their problems, since nobody’s going to help them anyway. Then someday they may end up in a work force where they don’t bring up issues to management that could totally be resolved with a simple conversation. Worse yet, if they have a beef with someone and the other person speaks to management first, they’ll immediately be put on the defense simply because they didn’t say anything sooner.
One of the worst, isn’t it? Blaming the victim in advance.
He’s just looking for attention. Paying attention to him makes him do more of the thing he’s already doing, so if he’s doing a thing and you’re paying attention, it’s actually your fault now because circular reasoning works because circular reasoning works.
- Money doesn’t buy happiness. YES IT DOES
- Everything happens for a reason. Yeah sure and the reasons are because of someone’s action or inaction. There is no all knowing benevolent deity effecting things in our lives.
Money buys stability, not happiness. The second you get savings you start worrying about it. The more money you get the bigger prick you seemingly become. It’s like the second you can afford a BMW the switch flips to being a public asshole. Get the high score and you get to be an absolutely miserable billionaire. Show me a truly happy billionaire whose jollies don’t come from hurting everyone around them.
No… it buys me all types of happiness.
I’d say that people often misunderstand the “Money can’t buy happiness” thing. I think the saying should be “Money BY ITSELF can’t buy happiness.” Happiness is bought by being smart with the resources you have. There are happy poor people and miserable rich people because even though money helps, it’s not the main deciding factor as to whether or not you’ll be happy, it’s your decisions and personal mental framework.
Below a certain threshold, it is a big deciding factor. Doesn’t matter your outlook if you can’t afford to go to the doctor, or eat healthy foods.
Everyone returns to their baseline happiness 3 months after something big happens, but when you’re poor, hard things happen more often than every three months.
I always say money doesn’t buy happiness, but it is a prerequisite. Starving homeless people don’t have a lot of opportunity to seek whatever makes them happy.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and make bad decisions.
HAHA yeah! And typically that is the reason more often than sometimes.
- Money doesn’t buy happiness. YES IT DOES
Actually more nuanced. It does, as long as you don’t have to worry about affordability. Over that, it only adds worries.
Peeing on a jellyfish sting. It doesn’t do anything, except maybe humiliate a person who’s already in pain.
Is this really common advice?
It was a big plot point on Friends
That’s my kink.
Some people will pay for this service…
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. Your silence in the face of injustice is what enables abuse.
Yeah and now people cant handle a reality check, and I’m the asshole for giving one rather than reflecting on what they did wrong
Yes! All that civility and decorum training. I’ll add to yours “Don’t speak ill of the dead.”
Stops people from learning about intergenerational trauma and fascists/terrorists in the family. Sure, my grandad was wildly abusive to his daughters and disgustingly racist about black people in Nova Scotia, Canada (the ones in Jamaica are fine btw). But he’s dead now so “we don’t talk about that.” Totes cool to mention his army medals tho.
“You need to vote to make a difference”
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“If you don’t profit from it, someone else will, so you might as well get yours.”
Don’t even get me started on how toxic and self-centered this is…
Good things come to those who wait.
You can be anything you want.
The man who stands atop a hill with his mouth open will wait a long time for a roast duck to fly in
“Blood is thicker than water” meaning family is more important than chosen relationships.
And before any smartypants claims it used to mean something else, there is no evidence of that.
That’s something people say cause they think it makes them sound smart. Like people who say the Hunger Games is just Battle Royale, while ignorant of the long history of stories about death tournaments
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Irrespective if the meaning has been reversed over the years.
What most people miss about this saying is… IT GOES BOTH WAYS.
If someone mistreats you and uses their blood relationship to you as an excuse, then that is not a member of your family. Family supports and goes through things together. Friends can become family. At this stage of my life, I have cut off my entire blood relations due to their toxic and stupid behavior. My family is the woman I married, my kids, and a few choice friends.
its such dumb phrase too. “blood is thicker than water” well no way, it is?! And why is water representing the chosen relationships here and why is the thickness the implied positive thing here? You know what is thicker than blood? Porridge. No idea what that implies though. If you need someone to explain the meaning of saying to get it, then its not very good saying imo.
“If you didn’t hear back about the application, reach out to the company/recruiter/interviewer.” - they’re either not into you or swamped trying to get things lined up to move forward or both. Either way they don’t want to hear from you because you’re not getting it or they are working on it. Just pretend you didn’t get it and move on.
“Personalize your cover letter for each job application.” - no one has read that shit in years–and that was before AI slop started doing them all for people—and good companies don’t ask for them anymore as it’s cruel to waste applicants time on them.
“Ask for what you’re worth in the interview/during a promotion/counteroffer!” - this one comes with an asterix as it’s not always terrible advice, but well-run orgs gave a budget for your role, know what the job generally pays for the skills it requires and can’t go much outside of it at all or they’ll create pay equity issues which is against the law in most states if not federally, depending. I say all that and close by saying most companies aren’t well run, so they’re just trying to save money, but some are actually working withing a good system so don’t take it personally if they don’t or can’t offer you more.
