For example workplace harrasment by women towards males like touching or groping being ignored because the victim is male but if it where to happen to a woman by a male the male would be fired
This was asked 37 million times on Reddit.
Cool, this is Lemmy.
No, this is sparta.
No, this is Patrick!
this is a Wendy’s?
And it’s refreshing to see what people have to say instead of getting attacked by rabid feminists, getting mass down voted, banned and have your comments removed. If you don’t like open discussion reddit is perfect for you
So one thing I noticed is that women betraying their partner has become extremely normalized
- Every “ethical non monogamous” relationship I’ve seen IRL is just a woman pressuring their long term monogamous partner into a situation where she has multiple partners and she’s struggling
- “Monkey Branching”, where a woman starts dropping hints at one guy while still seeing another in hopes of making a seamless transition, is pretty accepted. Emotional affairs are only a thing for men apparently
- While it’s always been acceptable to leave a guy if he can’t “provide” for you, it’s really fucking stupid in the context of modern feminism
- Women who use OLD are often encouraged to have a “roster” of men, who they form a well beyond casual connection to.
- There’s a large number of 30+ year old women breaking up with their long term partners to “find themselves”. I put that in quotations because this usually just involves a ton of casual sex. It’s basically the modern day equivalent of a guy leaving his wife for the secretary
- There are a million different love triangles on TV. They are almost all two guys and a woman who is disrespectful of both. The guys get mad at each other and the women’s behavior is not portrayed as toxic.
- Like 80 percent of holiday movies involve a woman leaving her fiance for a man she just met. This is always seen as romantic, instead of psychotic.
In addition to all that, women are extremely reluctant to criticize other women. This stands even when another woman is behaving in an almost objectively toxic way. I moved post covid. The first year I witnessed a fuckton of toxic behavior, but when I tried to point it out I would get dirty glances from women. The second year there I ended up getting close to other women in those conversations who took it upon themselves to tell me in a smaller setting that they actually agreed with me, but they didn’t want to appear unsupportive.
Whatever the intention there, the mentality enabled a subset of women to be shitty and probably convinced a lot of men that such behavior was something most women were okay with.
Hi, ethical non monogamous person here. My wife did not pressure me into this. The only other couple I know IRL that does this it was also the husband who prompted it.
I almost never meet women like this so maybe it depends on your area. I’d love to be in a woman’s roster but they all want monogamous relationships.
I’m had 2 women tell me they had this and saw one on OLD. Of them the 2 got so fed up of men and their bullshit. Started having activity buddies with benefits. One was my cousin so I knew the back story of her asshole husband. Other was a neighbour of a good friend.
Trust me, you don’t. These women will often want the full emotional availability of a romantic partner from you, with a fraction of both the emotional and physical availability of a partner from them. They generally want a monogamous relationship, just from an emotionally unavailable guy who is very physically attractive. Above all else, they will not be honest about your “ranking”.
Almost any woman who is halfway sane and willing to use online dating tends to get into a relationship in like three months tops. There’s also a decent number of women who are either not looking for a relationship, or would like a relationship but think the apps are super toxic.
However around 10 to 15 percent of the women I meet are very much architects of their own misery. These women are extremely vocal, generally shitty to their potential partners, and can always find more partners due to the nature of OLD. The frustrating part is I haven’t met a single woman who calls out this behavior, and a significant amount that actually reassure these people.
My GF insists that most women are just trying to be supportive, and that they don’t actually approve of the toxic behavior in question. My conversations with closer female friends backs this up. However in my eyes all this does is enable and normalize said behavior. It is also especially frustrating because I’m 100 percent expected to speak out if another guy does something remotely problematic.
These women will often want the full emotional availability of a romantic partner from you, with a fraction of both the emotional and physical availability of a partner from them.
That’s a whole separate issue from women having a roster of men.
Idk about emotional availability. I just want a fuck buddy. If she can’t provide that, she’s gone.
That’s about you being able to enforce your own boundaries, bro
Okay so what do you suggest I do. Cut out every single female friend in my life? Convince my single male friends, as a man in a relationship, to boycott online dating apps?
The only behavior uncommon enough to actually get away from are ethically non monogamous relationships and straight up cheating. That’s 100 percent a red line for me at this point. Everything else is so ubiquitous that I’m basically forced to put up with it if I want to be social.
You just have to worry about being happy in the relationship you’re actually in and not project these feelings of disrespectful non-monogamy on to others.
It’s completely reasonable not to want to live in a society where infidelity or betrayal is normalized.
You’re projecting your own feelings of betrayal onto others. This is a you problem.
“women are extremely reluctant to criticize other women”
You should listen to women talk more, they’re extremely enthusiastic to talk shit about each other.
I actually do agree with some of your points though, but on that point, I’ve rarely seen a woman reluctant to talk trash about another woman when given a chance (maybe more in he said/she said situations is what you’re referring to).
Every single experience you mentioned I cannot relate to at all. It’s really weird to read.
It sounds like you haven’t seen any healthy ethnically non-monogamous relationships. That’s a shame. As a part of one, I’ve seen several others as well. It can work, if it’s done for the right reasons and if all partners respect each other.
You know it’s funny. I hear a million different accounts of ethnically monogamous relationships that work, but only on the internet where it’s impossible to get the full context.
I know it’s a typo but I’m cracking up at
ethnically non-monogamous
Dress code at work. I work in investment banking. On a hot summer day I have to wear smart shoes, black socks, long trousers, long sleeved shirt. Women can wear whatever. It’s fucking horrible
It wasn’t always this way. When I first started working in the early 70s, women weren’t allowed to wear trousers at work. Or have bare legs, even in summer. Women called bullshit, and the rule was relaxed in most places to allow us to wear trouser suits. But as late as the mid-80s I was chastised for wearing trousers at work. I had to point out that the then prime minister, a woman, wore trousers at work!
If you want the dress code to change, then lobby for it to change. I honestly feel sorry for men locked into their own notions of what they’re “allowed” to wear. I remember a friend whining enviously about how breezy my summer skirt looked. I suggested he wear a skirt himself. “I can’t! People would think I’m gay.” Sigh.
Also - men used to make an effort! https://media.newyorker.com/photos/5ec9401b929e439dacc2a56a/master/w_1280%2Cc_limit/Piepenbring-Codpiece02.jpg https://www.thecultureconcept.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/404448.jpg
As someone born in 1980 in Poland I was oblivious to women struggles with attire in the not so distant past. Thank you for sharing your perspective. And I love your sense of humor, those baroque outfits are hilarious
Go get the traveler suit from suit supply and some lightweight wool /cotton shirts, NOT the “performance” ones made of plastic. I live in the Deep South and I’m a consultant. This is so much better in the hot summer.
It does not address the problem at all. Attire requirements in big office settings are typically anti-men.
Everyone says to talk about your problems but the second you do, you’re told that women either have it worse or how they have some worse problem. I’ve largely stopped talking about my problems because I’m never heard, just talked past or worse, made out to be the problem. The older I get the more reinforced my silence is because evey time I open up it’s used against me and this is just normal.
Meanwhile I’m expected to play therapist when someone else talks about their problems and I have to stop my autistic ass from telling them I really don’t want to hear about you. I can’t even get the silence I give returned to me.
Some good examples:
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Fat acceptance and body positivity. Obesity is glorified (even fetishized) when it’s a woman, whereas obese men are shunned. Have you noticed that nobody in the fat acceptance movement is vouching for the 300lb basement dwellers?
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Older ladies who date younger guys are called cougars, whereas if you flip the gender roles, an older man dating a younger lady half his age is going to be labelled a pedophile, even if she’s of-age. Just look at at the anger surrounding Tobey Maguire (48 years old) dating a 20 year old actress. There are people who legitimately think men like him should be hunted for sport.
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The amount of effort you have to put into your dating profile. Women have the opposite problem of being inundated with matches even with minimal effort.
The amount of effort you have to put into your dating profile. Women have the opposite problem of being inundated with matches even with minimal effort.
Dating apps have fuckloads of problems that work against non-top paying users, but for men the main issue is demographic: 80% of users are men. There just aren’t enough women on them.
The body positivity one really upsets me. A few years ago Target rearranged the clothing area. The men’s area shrank and the women’s is like three times are big. The women’s area has all manner of plus sized models and mannequins. Nothing of the sort in the men’s.
It’s like, I’ve always known body positivity (when it comes to corporations doing it) is extremely one sided and they’re only chasing profits but I’d never seen it so literally before. Target was one of my favorite places to shop for clothes.
Body positivity almost doesn’t exist for men. As soon as some asshole guy does something, its jokes about their body. Ive seen jokes about being short and no one cares as long as your talking about Putin or Tory Lanes, fat and small dick jokes constantly thrown at Trump. All of these are body shaming that will never be seen by the people they’re directed at but will be seen by pleny of others with those features.
I think I get what you’re saying but let’s be honest in that a larger guy half the time will just need an XL T-shirt. The sizes of these areas for merchandise are relative to consumer demands and consumer volume by sex. As someone who worked at Target for a couple of years back in the day, yes, far more women shop there. And the style of dressing for women has always been more diverse.
With respect to the mannequins, there seems to be a difference in the perception of average body types in reflection based on the gender. Perhaps this is more a trait of conservative men, but no matter how much of a beer belly they have, they seem to want to be perceived like they’re macho manly six-pack men. Marketing plays to that. On the flip-side, it has become trendy to give comfort to women who – by far – receive far more bullying over being large both online and offline. No doubt as a white male I feel fucking privileged by contrast of what my sisters or wife have gone through at times in their lives.
I think I get what you’re saying but let’s be honest in that a larger guy half the time will just need an XL T-shirt.
I’m being honest when I tell you that I need 2X.
I am in the dating scene at the moment. I definitely agree that men and women suffer the opposite problem on those apps. I think the apps are generally not designed to be successful and take advantage of choice fatigue. I don’t know if it’s a double standard per-se but I do think there’s a drastic difference in amount of effort applied.
Of course there’s no requirement but I do think that the minimum general expectation people have is that there is going to be effort applied to find a partner (aka, communication). That doesn’t always seem to be the case, especially from my anecdotal experience, that getting anything more than a 1-3 word reply is considered a success.
On the age thing, TBH anyone under 25 or so should not be dating anyone more than 10 years older than them. It’s still a very formative time both physically (brain development) and psychologically/sociologically. It can cause serious power dynamic issues that risk them being unable to end the relationship or deny consent for certain things. That said gender doesn’t make a difference in those scenarios beyond the fact that women are at a disadvantage and less likely to be wealthy and use that to control the younger.
But outside of issues where the older person holds power over the younger, I don’t think age should even be that big of a thing. Yes, people of different generations are less likely to have things in common and other conflicts can occur that are age related, but that’s for them to decide.
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Men are often expected to swallow their emotions and just “function”, while women are allowed and even encouraged to display them openly
Men are often expected to swallow
😏
their emotions
😔
Women absolutely are penalized for showing emotion. Socially between friends there is a lot better support, and that is probably what you are thinking of. In a workplace environment though, there can be serious consequences for expressing anything other than congeniality. If you’re socially withdrawn you’re an ice queen, if you get angry (no matter how justifiable) you’re a bitch or a dragon lady. If you’re stressed and not perfectly composed you’re weak “unable to handle the pressure”. I get that men are subject to the same kind of judgments but there seems to be more leeway.
That’s a funny one because men are celebrated for suppressing emotions and women are penalisd for showing them.
Which is also funny because that leads directly to a lot of mental problems for these men.
I see a change is this trend, but a lot of damage has already been done and it will take quite a while to recover from this.
Yeah the patriarchy is really just the ruling class using us to suppress each other.
Hmmm, I think Kyle Rittenhouse and Gus Walz might have a different perspective. One displayed remorse through blubbering “tears” to play-act out of murder charges and one displayed genuine emotion for a successful family member. Both were pilloried for displaying emotion, fake or real.
Magic Eight Ball says: Concentrate and ask again
Unless that emotion is anger. That’s the one exception.
Its sort of crazy how there’s no real effort to help people develop their emotional intelligence as a kid or beyond. It should be like no later than grade 1 or 2 where people learn about their feelings and setting limits with people.
So many parents gasp at the idea of their child actually having boundaries that are to be respected because muh dominion or they never learned about it themselves and aren’t open to everyone simply being more observant and respectful of them
This is called Social Emotional Learning and is a big thing in the school I teach in, but has big pushback from many conservatives because it talks about respecting people for their differences, even if they are gay or trans or a poc.
There’s a huge discrepancy in how people understand the word respect.
The “blindly follow what I say and override all your reactions to the pain it will probably cost” and hold your tongue/bottle your emotions shit needs to die in a fire. That is blind control, it is very different and it means much more work and negative outcomes for all involved.
Love this, thanks for giving such shape to the form I was getting at
Np. It’s not mine of course, but unfortunately I don’t know what the source is.
One reason we chose the school my kids go to is because they do teach about emotions and friendship and so on.
Thats awesome! Super important stuff for being well and a good person to have around for others
It’s not that women are “allowed,” it’s more so that women are expected to be emotional because they’re oh such emotional creatures and of course she’s crying.
I would counter this and say any woman with a career can absolutely not show emotion. They’re expected to behave like men, which are in turn not supposed to show emotion in the workplace. It’s less of a double standard and more of a toxic standard.
Commenter didn’t say work. It’s true in all circumstances.
You recognizing it as true in the work place by understanding women are expected to be like men in the work place. Because men are not expected to show emotions.
Your counter is actually an example.
One of the two presidential candidates has five children with three different partners. The coverage of that fact would be very different it it were the female.
This is going to be my new way to antagonize conservatives I know:
ME: Did you know Harris has had 5 kids with 3 different partners?!
MORON: I don’t doubt it. She’s a whore!
ME: Oh sorry, I meant Trump.
Yeah, he’s a good looking stud, what do you expect.
downvoters did not pick up on sarcasm?
Absolutely not. Satire of Trump supporters and Trump supporters are indistinguishable. The ear bandages, the diaper wearing. The complete and utter nonsense they swallow and spout. Being proud of “grab 'em by the pussy” and openly supporting KKK and walking the streets with actual swastikas. There’s nothing too extreme to be even remotely too absurd to be true from MAGA. So no, unless you’re putting a /s on your fake utterly stupid moronic take Republican opinion, I absolutely can’t tell that you’re ridiculing them instead of just being that stupid.
The fact that any point made in this post, no matter how reasonable a complaint, or how heinous it would be considered if done to a woman, will likely be derided and dismissed as misogyny, mansplaining, whining, etc, and all male participants in the discussion labeled as incels.
Incel
ITT about male victims of sexism-based double-standard, we see
- stories of female victims
- downvoting stories of male victims
- the top-voted post about how men can’t speak up for fear of being shouted down
Wow, Lemmy. Be better than Reddit.
That is exactly why I’m downvoting many of the comments here. Not personal stories, but all the “men have it so much worse” comments, which are ultimately just toxic against women.
Because holy fuck, that was exactly Reddit, and I do not want this place to end up the same. We already have a massive imbalance between the genders and if we men start discrediting women, they’re most fucking definitely not going to show up here.
I do want men to be able to speak about abuse stories. That is where our patriarchical society kills men, in that it does not allow us to show weakness. But it cannot fucking devolve into a us vs. them discussion, which this whole question is locked and loaded towards. That is not helpful to anyone.
I’m aghast at the comments in here lol
Like… I’m speechless.
This thread and ones like it just prove the point
This comes from my own observations, and might not be a popular take, but men are often encouraged or celebrated for having multiple partners and not using protection.
This attitude puts men(especially young men) at risk for STI’s, some of which can affect fertility even if a course of antibiotics will take care of it. Others don’t have cures yet, or are not as easy to treat like herpes, the different hepatitis strains, HIV, genital warts ect.
This attitude towards sex for men puts their health at risk and their partners.
The amount of times I’ve seen dudes encourage each other to not use condoms is kinda distressing. I don’t think guys are being educated on how a condom should fit and how to find the right size. They shouldn’t be uncomfortable. If they are try a different kind.
Women often have to try different birth control pills until they find one with minimal side effects. Try different condoms until you find the right ones for you. It’s to protect your dick from diseases, not just to stop pregnancy.
Take care of yourselves guys. Your health is important.
I mean maybe its just my circles but I found there was a type of guy that was a small minority who had a lot of partners and the average guy had a few and a goodly amount had trouble having one while women on average had a few. I guess what im saying it to me the average women has more partners than the average guy but like there is an above average area where the men have more than the women and then also guys obsess more over it (and lie). Granted at the extremes the extreme case women is likely going to overtake the extreme case guys.
Regardless of whatever the case may be, men should be encouraged to protect their sexual health.
Women have gynecologists they see to monitor and do preventative care, discuss birth control methods ect.
Men don’t typically see a urologist unless theres an issue, and because of that there are less opportunities for them to ask questions, or be educated about STI’s and ways to protect themselves. Or know the potential long term risks of common STIs or even the symptoms.
Add to that common misconceptions about condoms, user error while using them, and cultural attitudes and men are kinda set up to not use them in way. Men’s health is important. I worry for my nephews who are getting into their early 20’s. I hope what I tried to teach them makes a difference.
Yeah I getcha. I actually always mention to my wife I sorta wish men could have a mens health doctor along with a primary care.
This is probably 10 years ago that I read it, but I don’t expect that the numbers have changed much: The median number of lifetime partners for men is 4, while the median for women is 7. The median means that half of the group had that many or more, and half had that many or fewer. If every heterosexual encounter by definition has to include a male and a female, the way that that works out is that there’s a subgroup of men who have a partner count way over four.
In short, yeah, that observation checks out in the research. Among men, there are a few Wilt Chamberlains balanced by thousands with only a partner or two. (NB: extreme example for rhetorical purposes)
doing oppositely gendered activities.
my girlfriend can change the oil in her car and lifts weights?
cool. healthy.
i can sew my own clothes and bake?
Weird. Creepy.
I don’t think that’s exactly true. As a woman I’ve had situations where I was questioned even when I knew exactly what I was talking about just because it was a traditionally male activity.
Yes, I know what type of battery I want for my car. Yes, I know it’s uncommon, I checked if you had it in your website before I came here. Yes, I know how to install it and I don’t want to pay you to do it. Shut up and take my money so I can leave.
I have several stories like this. In home renovation stores men that work there are always super opinionated on the problem that I’m trying to solve. I’m just looking for the supplies I want, I didn’t ask for opinions.
It doesn’t help that I’m small and look young, but still they should mind their own business.
Are you sure those home renovation workers weren’t trying to make conversation, might even being bragging about their own project attempts and you being a women had nothing to do with how they interact with any other customer?
I can never be sure, I’m not inside their heads, but I don’t remember ever seeing this behavior directed at my husband or dad when tagging along with them in similar situations.
Probably mostly to do with being a woman, though even if a nerdy looking dude came in they’d probably get similar treatment. Partially just how they expect someone who “knows what they’re doing” to look like (mechanics knowledge = man in jeans)
Also, it’s not just targeted at people perceived as “other” in many of these traditionally masculine realms.
Often, it seems like so many of these men see patronizing and second guessing as the only ways to establish and defend their own credibility on their given subject. It’s not just the “oh it’s a woman/someone who doesn’t look the part…I bet they don’t know what they’re doing” factor, it’s also that they’re a product of the culture that tells them that the most important thing is that they’re perceived as more knowledgeable than anyone else, and that the only way to establish that is to have their own opinions and views on every subject in the field, and then aggressively defend and promote those views while dismissing, undermining, and discouraging any views that conflict with theirs…or the people who hold those views.
And it’s not just big picture “world view” type stuff. It’s crap like, “which brand makes the best widget in your hobby?”. If they’re a “brand red” guy, they feel the need to not only let everyone know that they like brand red…they have to let everyone know that brand red is the best, and that it’s objective, and that if you prefer brand blue, you’re just a clueless newbie who hasn’t learned yet. If you like brand green, well you’ve just been taken in by their marketing. And if you’re one of those brand orange people, well you know what they say about those people…
No, it is. I had women joke and say “what are you, gay?”, then laugh when they find out I can sew. Have stitched up many a stuffed animal. The guys ask me where did I learn that?
“The army”
Oh, that’s cool.
i can sew my own clothes and bake?
Weird. Creepy.
Hard disagree. I wish I knew how (and had the time to) make my own clothes. And, who doesn’t love baked goods? These both sound awesome.
“Girly” things are ok as a career, but not a hobby.
If you’re a professional Tailor, it’s a respectable job that people seek you out for, but if you just like to sew…
Chefs are predominantly male, but if you’re a guy that just likes to cook, “what are you, a housewife?”
I guess it’s cultural, or regional, or just who you spend time around. Among my male friends, most of whom are straight and married with children, I don’t think any of them would even blink an eye at either of these things.
I do have colleagues from other cultures and US regions (US Italian, Central America, rust belt) who I’d bet would act the way you describe. I’m not jealous of that aspect of those cultures.
You can find a used machine to practice with and start by fixing and altering.
Local indy sewing shops that I’ve encountered have been happy to advise and some have open sewing days.
I fix my outdoors gear and clothes routinely, often with hand-stitching, just takes practice.
Thankfully, I’m not completely void of any sewing skill. I can hem pants, or repair some outdoor gear, as you mentioned. But, I don’t think I could make a complete shirt that didn’t look homemade.
I have a massive wingspan:weight ratio, so I always have to choose between sleeves being long enough on a shirt that’s 4x too big, or sleeves that end 3 inches short on a shirt that mostly fits. If I could make my own shirts and hoodies from scratch, it would be great. I just have too many other hobbies, and not enough time to dedicate to learning a new one right now.
I have a massive wingspan:weight ratio, so I always have to choose between sleeves being long enough on a shirt that’s 4x too big, or sleeves that end 3 inches short on a shirt that mostly fits.
So you look like you just sauntered out of Auschwitz?
<rant>
You’re the reason why most shirts don’t fit me. I hate “slim fit” shirts, and anything fashionable is so slim fit you would have trouble fitting it over a skeleton or a 1,000-year-old Sahara-desiccated corpse. Why is your kind so common that the marketplace gets flooded with clothing that can only fit a famine victim?
And I’m not obese in the least. I just have a 50-inch chest with a 36-inch waist. I have pecs, not some wafer-thin slabs of barely-there muscle that would have trouble bench-pressing an onion scape.
About the only thing that fits me are 2XL tops that are regular or relaxed fit. Even jackets have gotten into the “reverse-vanity-sizing” madness that has recently beset Canada, with many “size 50” suit jackets really being a size 46 or even a 44.
</rant>
.
For sure, and I appreciate that.
They’re great skills, and if you watch a couple YouTube videos on making your own clothes, you’ll be shocked at how simple it is and how little time it takes.
I feel very comfortable sewing and baking, this is just the best answers I have for the question.
OK there are some “feminine activities” where people would bat an eye but sewing and baking? Lmao I don’t think anyone would care.
Except if you fuck up making cookies, like me last week 😭
haha, woo! those are some hockey pucks!
i get eyes a-fluttering anytime either is brought up, but it’s good you have faith in your community.
I lift and I sew. Fuck that noise, you do you.
You gotta learn to sew when you’re constantly ripping your shirt with each flex.
As a man, I have never gotten any shit for sewing. But I do give plenty of people shit for not sewing.
Fix your clothes people, a needle and thread are not that freaking complicated. You don’t need to learn how to use it, just push the needle through the fabric, you’ll figure it out.
Sure, with practice you can make it prettier, but whatever.
I sew and bake and no one ever says anything negative about it. It’s usually a topic of conversation. And back in the day when I had been called gay for enjoying baking by some insecure guy or weirdo girl I just laughed it off. Because it was usually after they finished eating a delicious treat I made and brought into the office or something.
No one thinks it’s creepy for a guy to sew and bake.
no one you know.
that’s nice, really.
Anyone who would think that would not be worth my time. I would never give them that power over me.
that’s good, they’re not.
and you shouldn’t.
You’d be surprised how hard it is to get on in life if you’re surrounded by people like this, you can’t just ignore half the people around you all the time, especially if you’re forced to interact with them.
Disagree but upvoting because I’m sure this is true for some.
Yeah, I was in Costco buying new cookie sheets and an old lady said it was so nice that I was helping out. Lady, they’re for me, I’m the baker here.
Eh, if she’s old that’s excusable. Expectations were different back then
It took decades before Hasbro Easy Bake Ovens were marketed in the US in Yellow and Black rather than Mattel Barbie™️ Fuchsia Pink (💕) which is still the standard in US department stores. Curiously gender neutral colors started from demand in Sweden and expanded outward.
In the nineties, Barbie was built like only a select few Playboy Bunnies (Jessica Rabbit’s dimensions are physiologically impossible. A robot, maybe) and Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader action figures were ripped like He-Man (or soon-to-be Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger).
Gender roles are (to me) extremely weird.
People who think that are creepy and weird.
They are also the majority.
This isn’t a blanket statement, but I have, in the past, been introduced to women in my friend group, and talked to them like I would anybody else. But for whatever reason, they get the idea that I’m hitting on them. I can see it in their body language, the way they bring up their significant other (Like, really? I was just introduced to both of you 5 minutes ago?), among others. They make it out like “how could you be hitting on me?” and I’m like, asking about a band she brought up? I wasn’t even remotely attracted to her, I was just trying to be friendly, but her demeanor made it seem like she thought I was some insensitive asshole, and it hurt. I excused myself and just fuckin left. I had only gotten there like 20 minutes beforehand.
Another time I was introduced to a woman while we were helping a friend move. This girl I was into (she ranted about recycling <3), and I was planning on asking her out once we were done for the day, but as we were talking, she mentioned her significant other, so I didn’t. After we’d finished loading something into the moving truck, I said “hey so, thanks for mentioning your significant other back there, saved me a bit of awkwardness haha.” To this, she took offense, and challenged me, “what do you mean? what are you talking about?” like, hands on hips, wide eyes, “how dare you” attitude… and I was dumbfounded. Here I was, thanking her for stopping me from embarrassing myself by asking out a girl that was in a relationship, and I was getting the third degree from it! At this point I didn’t know whether it would make the matter worse if I confessed I had almost asked her out, so I just blankly stared, mouth agape (dumbfounded, like I said). I eventually excused myself and went back to loading the truck. Avoided her like the plague since then.
These were just two myopic incidents, probably lasted 5 minutes in total each, but it affected me in such a way that I basically cut myself out from the entire social circle, and only ever hang out with a guy friend that’s kind.
However, I feel the need to add a disclaimer so you don’t get me wrong.
I’ve also gone through a lot of personal growth recently, and in the endeavor to understand myself and my sexuality (Go Fightin’ Bi’s!), I’ve encountered scenarios that help me understand women better. I’ve had guy friends who only acted like my friend because they wanted to sleep with me. That hurts, and it makes me feel cheap. Once I tell them definitely “No,” or they realize I’m not interested, they stop interacting with me. It’s like, is that all I was in your eyes? Some thing to fuck? And even getting to the point where I’d tell these guys “No,” was excruciating! I don’t want to lose a friendship, or hurt them by saying “No,” I’m just not interested! Makes it hard to engage with my fellow LGBT peeps, when I feel like I’m just going to be pushed into hurting someones feelings. This led me to ghost some guys, and I’m not proud of it. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it when someone is flirty or compliments me, that’s nice and can be a real ego boost! But when I’m using all my body language to say “thanks but no thanks,” and you are still uncomfortably close? or touching the small of my back like it’s nonchalant or something? fucking GROSS.
Additionally, I have an elderly, disabled, female neighbor that I used to help out a lot. Whenever she needed something done around the house, she’d come over and I’d take care of it for her. She is an old pot head, so she’d even smoke me up! We’d pass a joint while watching Amos and Andy or whatever was on TV, it was a nice relationship. Then, once I became single, it got worse. Before, after I fixed her fridge, she wanted to give me a kiss on the cheek, and it came uncomfortably close to my lips. Then she started standing in the doorway while I came inside, so I’d have to press past her to get in. Then she’d touch my arm, leg, small of my back when I was doing chores for her. It got to the point where she would wait till I was high, and then ask how big my dick was, and if I’d let her go down on me. Just repulsive behavior. I’ve since stopped helping her, and always decline her offers to smoke, despite missing how we used to be.
All of this to say, guys get sexually harassed, Guys get sexually abused, and Guys get unfairly depicted as predators in hurtful ways. But also, girls get sexually harassed, Girls get sexually abused, and Girls get unfairly depicted as cold honey pots in hurtful ways.
What we should all do is try to be more kind.
If you’re a dude and your older female boss forces you to have sex with her under threat of losing your job, everyone just says “that’s awesome what’s the problem?”.
didn’t family guy cover this lol
I had a professor do this to me. Was an adult going to night school, in my last year. She was about ten years older than me and we hit it off in a way I assumed was a professional student/teacher relationship. Had this with other professors as well.
She told me to meet her at a hotel once, thought she was joking and when I didn’t show was furious. Told her it just seemed odd, and she told me she is getting another one this weekend and not to worry about it, but if I didn’t show there would be consequences.
Through a lot of double speak she let me know if it didn’t happen, there would be no graduation for me. Not knowing what to do, bought a pack of condoms and showed up to the hotel. “No, we aren’t using those”. And that was several of my weekends until graduation. There was zero possibility of saying no, and no one to complain to. I can tell the story online and that’s about it.
Holy shit dude. Sorry about the rape. Like, for real. I hope you’re doing ok.
Wait what? You can’t be serious! You did this instead of reporting her to the school?
Yes, I bitched on the internet. It was something that happened almost ten years ago, but it’s not like the school would have ever done anything. Let’s be honest about how this stuff plays out.
I’d have went to the police if the school didn’t do shit or threaten with lawyers. I’d escalate all my options since this shit is not going down with me
Basically everything women cry about men doing to them. If it is done to a man by women it is ignored or considered not real or never happened or okay and normalized as you put it.
It’s fairly broadly believed that strong male influences benefit a child greatly, but males are looked at with huge skepticism if they attempt to enter most forms of childcare as a profession.
