Mortal Engines. I have not read the source materials.

Amazing concept, fantastic visuals, weak story, weak characters. Apparently just accidentally spliced in the end of Return of the Jedi instead of finishing the movie.

Kubrick’s version of The Shining. Most likely, I would feel differently had I not read the novel first, but the reduction of the story to a Nicholson-show pisses me off to the point where I cannot enjoy it for what it is. I’d rather endure the over four hours of less brilliant screenplay of the 1997 version.

The princess bride, mostly because everyone my age won’t shut up about it. By the time I saw the movie (I think I was 16?) it was like watching a string of cheesy memes.

Also, it’s a wonderful life is so frustrating and depressing, the “happy ending” just doesn’t cut it.

Hackers. The reason why was at the time I was and had been a hacker for over a decade. A real one not some half assed pretty boi with issues. It sucks so bad. It was so fake.

Deadpool.

I’m not sure if I absolutely hate it, but I definitely don’t get the hype—especially with Deadpool and Wolverine. There were some funny bits, but I feel like most of it is almost Family Guy-tier reference humor.

The plot feels as unimportant as ever—there are no real stakes or anything significant going on. It’s all about the “jokes,” fourth wall breaks (which get tiresome almost immediately), and Ready Player One-level “recognize the character” moments.

Maybe the last part is the biggest reason why I don’t connect with it. I’ve never really been into comics outside of film and television. But I feel like that shouldn’t be the main driving force for a movie anyway—or at least not for a good movie. Like, Ready Player One was fun, but not good.

Didn’t even watch Ready Player One the movie because the audiobook was just as cringey, and it was read by Wil Wheaton of all people. I like his work with boardgaming (tabletop), but something about his voice just so well represented the blatant fan service-ness of the whole thing, I hated every minute of it.

As for popular movies that I hated? I don’t feel THAT strongly about it, but I was just kind of meh on Sonic 3. I wasn’t even expecting a masterpiece, but it seems like there’s been enough online hype that made it seem like it was going to be better than expected. It was just whatever. My kids liked it well enough, so I’m probably not the target audience anyways, I’ve played many of the Sonic games, but I’m not nostalgic or a Sonic nerd or anything. It was a sub-par movie with a handful of funny lines.

The Matrix

No, I will not elaborate.

Dumb and Dumber.

I don’t find people mentally limited or crass humor to be funny.

And Jim Carrey is despicable. He was even before supporting an anti-vaxxer.

Not really hate but, I just don’t love. Inside out. I find that the metaphor of little people living in Riley’s head removes agency from her and makes it seem like people are just mech suits for tiny people that make the real decisions. I’m indifferent to this movie.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. What a stupidly overrated movie.

Into the Wild. So much potential in this story and general theme, but cinematically so overloaded with pathos and clichés. Overly scattered storytelling, restlessly leaping through space and time leaving no pause to connect with nature. The film has its strengths but a lot of people I know mentioned it as one of their favorites and couldn’t accept that I found it rather mediocre.

I honestly can’t stand the vast majority of popular movies. They also keep getting longer and longer, and I already struggle to sit through an hour and a half long movie

Saw.

It is on the very tiny list of movies that I am actively angry I watched because I’m never getting that time back. It is one of the single worst movies on “Tell don’t show” that I felt like I was being actively gaslit by the writers because what they were telling was opposite of what they were showing.

“Jigsaw tricks people into killing his victims” says the cops, and says all the people watching the movie. NO. He kills people and gives them a potential for a way out. Setting up a maze with cutting wire and a door sealing off if you don’t make it in time isn’t “tricking someone” it’s killing them with extra steps. It’s like blaming fucking landmine victims “Well if they didn’t step there they’d be okay”. Legit the logic that movie gives I find my blood pressure rising just going into it again.

And the ending. I guess spoiler if you haven’t seen the movie, I’m not gonna bother to figure out the formatting for it so here’s your warning to stop reading. The surprise twist was why my friends made me watch this movie, the logic above was explained and how clever Jigsaw was they said I’d like it. I’m not a horror guy but I love Scream because holy fuck it was clever and well done. Saw, the victims are looking for where Jigsaw is watching them and I just said “He’s the dead guy in the middle of the room.” and questioned why would I come to that so early in the movie my reasoning was simple. It was a dumb movie that was up its own ass so much to say that it was clever that was the obvious “clever” haha we got you option it could be. Anything else would have actually been clever.

I compare Scream and Saw so much. Scream is a very clever movie masquerading as a dumb movie that deconstructs a genre and pulls of a fantastic twist that if you didn’t see it coming will shock you and when you go back there’s all sorts of clues. Hell, part of the twist is realizing they put thought into the killer instead of just “slasher villain #85” that the genre had done for so long, but if you know what’s happening the movie is winking with you with such amazingly dumb and clever things like “He’s behind you Jamie”. Saw is a dumb movie that masquerades as smart, it wants to be clever and philosophize at you and wants to pull off a twist that is unearned because there’s no clues for the twist, so unless you watch a lot of movies and realize this one is up its own ass, of course you’re going to be surprised. It’s like a guy who built a tesla coil and (think he) knows how it works and no one else does so he shows up in a cheap top hat and a wand and expects everyone to applaud like he’s David Copperfield. Sure, everyone loves tesla coils, but that reaction is unearned.

From what I understand from others who’ve seen the rest, even what little cleverness goes away on the character and it just becomes a show to watch more elaborate ways to see people get hurt. It’s the only way I can comprehend that the series is loved by as many as it is. I work in healthcare, I can see plenty of that on the day to day basis.

Titanic.

Why? Hmmm, hard to say. Seems obvious to me. I’m totally ok with a love story but I don’t really care for romance stories. Let me explain the difference to me. I’m not saying this is a formal definition. To me a love story is drama and romance is melodrama. It felt more like melodrama to me.

And to interest the men, let’s throw in a disaster flick. If people fall off the boat and hit the propeller on the way down, men will love it and women will love the rest. No pandering at all.

Plus screw the priceless gem, just toss it overboard.

Lucifer. My sis loved it and I hated it with a passion. I don’t think Ellis is any good in it and they’re just relying on him (and the other actors) being hot instead of actually telling a decent story or making enjoyable characters.