Hmmm I think I will go with “fandom”, or being a fan of something. Like, I enjoy concepts. But there’s no universe or product or franchise or sports team or whatever in particular I would consider myself a fan of.
edit hope this counts as behavior lol
I mean fandom can be general. the world science fiction society or whatever its called is basically at its core about written science fiction and not about one in particular and comic con is about any comic and gen con is about any gaming and anime cons are about anime. I get ya though. I mean I went to these things and when I was there I was like. This is my people. All the same though I always felt like sorta the biggest hanger on. I loved all the stuff but I like was no good with dressing up or whatnot. I mostly like to look around, go to interesting panels, and then spent all the rest of the time in movie or game rooms or con suite.
I never got plastering logos for whatever brands you love to consume on everything you own. Like buying decals and stickers and shit to put all over your car, laptop, whatever else. Since when do we pay to advertise for brands…?
u better BELIEVE i have a bad dragon sticker on my phone
Being a fan can make you part of a group. Especially great for people without identity. Slap a sticker on that empty personality!
Wanting to be popular. Wanting to know famous people or worshipping them. Dressing the latest fashion. Participating is all the fads.
This product costs $14 to make, they sell it for $30.
They remove three screws and replace the beautiful $6 screen with a bottom of the barrel $3 screen saving $3.06. People would easily pay $5 more for the nicer screen, but they can only focus on cost cutting instead of making a still modestly priced great product.
People who stay with abusive partners the first time they are abused
Feeling some kind of national pride. You didn’t choose to be born where you were born. Borders change and move, etc. The place my grandparents were born in has changed countries at least 3 times since then.
Tribalism in general
We should take pride in our country in terms of making it a better place, and by that I mean making it better for everyone. Not turning it into a right wing hellscape which is what is happening to most countries.
If we could internalize the notion that real patriotism is the drive to create a better tomorrow for the people instead of blind conservative hatred of the unfamiliar we could do so much good.
Exactly. That’s a much better written version of what I was going for. Instead we have Musk spending money that could be used for good to make places worse. I’d love a leftist to have a sit down with him and pick his brain.
Being proud of anything you didn’t do or choose is odd to me. Like, there are plenty of things I’m happy about being, but not proud of them, including where I was born, appearance, (except for the parts of it you DO, like fitness or makeup, I can see those are accomplishments), ancestry, heritage. I don’t get national pride unless you are someone making the nation better and are proud of those improvements.
A type, true believer office people.
It’s all laid out, you have at most 100 years and 50ish healthy ones if you’re extremely lucky, and you want to spend more energy then you absolutely have to… micromanaging others and bragging about maximizing your office work output as you eek out a living?
I genuinely find the coworkers that try to drown themselves in corpo kool-aid disturbing. Soulless. I find them as sad and pathetic as they probably find me for my half hearted, clearly mocking impression of corpo culture, as I don’t show my true self at work.
Like just… Why? It’s a job. The owner truly doesn’t care if you live or die. Stop bragging that you canceled on your family yet again in favor of your "work family."🤮 They think they’re setting an example for their coworkers to follow, but I’m just sitting there pitying them.
Thinking that things they don’t enjoy should not be enjoyed by anyone else, and complaining bitterly about people enjoying those things.
Yeah similarly, when a pastime or hobby is shared among a large group in society or culturally or whatever, someone who doesn’t enjoy or partake in said hobby is seen as weird (or worse).
Case in point: I’m a dude who looks like I should watch sports. I hate sports spectating. Having the “why don’t you watch football” conversation comes up annoyingly too often.
lol I hear you. I never ask anybody, “Why don’t you have a 3d printer?”
Not technically a behavior, but - having hurt feelings over other people expressing their negative opinion about myself.
Like, say someone tells me I look bad of that I acted badly or whatever. I see three options:
- They’re right, so it’s a good thing they told me.
- They’re mistaken, so it doesn’t really matter (though the fact some people might think that way is still valid information)
- They’re being mean, in which case I don’t really care about what they say.
I guess it’s some defense mechanism? I can see how that would work with people prone to narcissism, but having ones feeling hurt over things like that seems normalized in (most?) societies.
Oh, also religion. People believe in an all powerful being that personally cares about every person in the world, but is unwilling to reveal itself? Despite having zero corroborating evidence? And he’s responsible for every good thing that happens to me therefore I should see that as proof it exists and believe more, but if something bad happens that’s because I didn’t believe hard enough and should therefore believe more? And you’re sure about that and don’t see how that might be purely because this answers a psychological and social need? I understand I’m exaggerating a bit, and no offense to religious people, but… I don’t get it.
Points 2 and 3 are all well and good right up until that person is in a position of power over you.
I see where you’re coming from and understand why some don’t get it, but it’s the third one. People are very mean, including me, and especially when they are anonymous or feel they’ll get away with it.
The first two - they’re giving constructive criticism, or they’re plain wrong - assume the person is not coming from a mean place. I wonder if you’re neurodiverse or a very experienced meditator or something if you can really always shrug off a nasty remark intended to hurt.
I’m neurodiverse and took a lot of throwaway hurtful comments to heart as a kid, not because I couldn’t tell they were trying to he hurtful, but because I believed there had to be some truth or insight into what they said. When I developed more self-respect I got fewer such remarks when I appeared visibly furious, or gave the same back in return. But I still take hurtful remarks - intentional or not - to heart by nature.
Point being, not everyone has as thick as skin as you, and hurtful remarks do indeed hurt many/most people no matter how much we talk about the relative damaged done by sticks and stones vs names. Hurtful intentions can convey hurt to most generally empathetic people I think. Appreciate any other views as I’m just trying to address this one as I see it. Peace
It’s not just the third one. A non-marginal minority of people will be hurt by valid criticism even if it meant to to help them (I’m saying this as a third party observer. This isn’t me telling someone “Hey, you’re an idiot. Whoa, why are you acting offended? I’m just trying to help you be less of an idiot! Wow, some people can’t take constructive criticism”).
I know I’m at the low end of caring what people think about me, and that other people will get offended by some things. That’s fine, not saying they’re wrong to feel one way or another. I just can’t empathize or model the mechanism that makes them feel that way.
That’s true, I was oversimplifying by focusing on the third but the same applies whether remarks are intended to hurt, be neutral, or explicitly to help - point is people often assume it’s the first or respond as if it is. Some people can shrug it off but I can’t.
When you discover a bump somewhere on your skin and the very first reaction is to scratch and dig whatever may be there, out.
When I was a child if my mom saw a pimple on me she would dig it out. I now have to fight the compulsion to dig and pick at any lump I come across. I find a small circle bandaid covering the area helps me leave it alone until it goes away on its own.
There’s some messed up dopamine response going on there, both for self-picking and especially for others’ picking! I’ve often thought about how some people have that compulsion to pop, others want to pop out of a sense of sick satisfaction, compulsion by extension to another person, or out of a misguided sense you’re doing something good. Pops not good
It’s more of a defense mechanism that’s no longer needed. She would get right in there with her nails trying to pop it which was quite painful. After some time if she wasn’t able to get it she would tell me to go to the bathroom and get it out myself, so I learned to get rid of them on my own if I found them so I wouldn’t have to endure her nails in my face.
There is briefly a satisfying release of pressure when it pops, but there is still a lump there so my compulsion keeps trying to pick and squeeze at the lump trying to make it go away. I either keep trying to stop myself, or make it “inaccessible” by putting a band-aid on it.
Going to concerts. It’s too loud and it’s crowded, I just don’t see the appeal.
And while we’re at it, dancing. It’s unnatural, I tell you!
There’s something about going to an event with like-minded people, listening to a band you like live with (often, not always) optimized sound for the space, and 99% of folks uninhibitably jamming out and having a good time.
I can definitely see how the experience would be unappealing to some folks, though. And I should note I’m more of a gig goer than concert attendee - so sound optimization is hit or miss, and the jamming out % is lower. Still fun, still not everyone’s cup of tea.
Edit: Idle thought that came up reading this back: what is music, for you - as in, what is your relationship to it? Where does music live in your world? Is it something that comes out of a machine to fill silence in your space or block out noise? Is it something produced by humans, of which MP3s/FLACS/CDs/Vinyl/radio waves etc. are just imprints/simulacrum for wider dissemination?
Basically, is it an activity, or a product at its core? Not really expecting anyone to answer (though they can), just a reflection I personally found interesting. Many acceptable answers.
A happy-ish medium is a well-captured live performance or jam. Alive 2007 (Daft Punk) is a pretty good example of how that can be a thing, for me at least.
Music is so hecken different to everyone, talking about it feels odd. Even sound feels/sounds different to a lot of folks, in enjoyable (soft music for a nice vibe, or a loud af chest-rumbling show) and not-fun-at-all (jarring or unwanted sounds, near-total silence for some) ways.
But yeah, I tend to crave the decibels, because I still have the ability to hear, and must not value it lol… Skull rattling is better to me than unevenly-mixed-in-room jamming, but both can be great in different ways. A fun, more personal experience is nice, but I need sensory overload to recover from, or it’s almost not worth the outing.
I know this is old, but I liked pondering the question because I made me sappy as heck, so I’ll share it with you:
Music is like a cheat-code to life, especially my internal life. The music I listen to determines my emotions, my energy level, my focus and drive, and what activities I want to do. Without music playing I’m like an empty shell. With music I recognise my existence.
I am not musical myself and I know nothing of production or quality, only what I enjoy and how it makes me feel. I was born to be an audience, and that’s a huge part of who I am and how I operate daily.
I’m not a fan of dancing. Love going to my local symphony concerts though. Never crowded; there’s no moshing at an orchestral concert. You get your seat and you sit in it, and you clap when the piece is done.
Plus the music’s just so much better.
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You must be fun at parties.
Don’t know, never been :P
Preferring looks over functionality.
So many things in today’s world are dogshit covered in a pretty wrapper and everyone eats it up. Meanwhile things that actually work well and last get ignored because they’re not pretty.
I’m not saying things can’t be pretty but you should never put form over function.
True, just don’t word it like that when you’re telling your partner why you love them.
I STRONGLY believe in the whole, “form follows function”, idea. Something that fulfills is intended purpose well, repeatedly, efficency, etc. is beautiful to me
Well, the idea of using unfinished concrete (the origin of the movement’s name) was something of a modern/internationalist reaction to the earlier excesses of nouveau and deco really. It wasn’t that concrete is a superior material for structure, the ancients knew that. A better current example (that argues the opposite to your point unfortunately!) of form following function is cheap [edit: cheap isn’t what I meant, more ‘the cheapest available using today’s sophisticated engineering’, which obviously isn’t cheap but real estate doesn’t have that reputation anyway] curtain walls in high rises. Pretty insipid but people love it; there’s no accounting for taste, especially among those who have no appreciation for the finer things.
Like, cloth curtains to divide interior spaces, instead of actual walls??
No - curtain walls are where there’s no wall, just a window attached to the frame as in most modern office buildings. Apologies meant to respond to @HelixDab2 below who mentioned béton brut :)
No worries at all, happy to learn something new
…And yet, people tend to despise brutalist architecture.
people that have more money than they could ever spend trying to accumulate more money
Some species of chimps beat other chimps that horde to the detriment of the group to death
Oh clever. You get to advocate for political violence but you pretend to be sly about it
so the mods can let you get away with it with a wink and a nod.Glad to be wrong there.This is just a nature fact.
When I go to poor countries I tip/donate well beyond what I’m told is normal, because $10 or $20 is nothing to me, but potentially more money than they’ll earn in days/weeks. It always makes them so happy.
What happiness I would make with a billion…
When I went to Puerto Rico (same country, poorer area) my wife and I went on a guided paddle boarding ride that included him teaching us how to paddle board, then paper boarding, we met a couple wild manatees who came right up to us, then we went snorkeling. I believe he did groups of up to 6, but there were 2 no shows and 2 empty spots so it was just my wife and I for a 2 - 3 hour trip and was an absolute blast. I don’t remember how much it cost, probably $60 - $100 each range. At the end we tipped him like $40 and it looked like he was going to cry. I honestly thought tipping that much on a guided tour like that was upper end of normal, but his reaction made me think he doesn’t usually get tips like that.
And that’s why you’ll never be a billionaire. See how that works out?
Edit: they don’t get there by caring about people.
Nah, that’s not why. A billionaire can give millions away without any impact on their life.
There are two paths to becoming a billionaire. The first is to hit the Goldilocks zone of a good product with mass appeal, good distribution and to have significant ownership of it. The second is to already BE rich. Most billionaires are the second one.
I don’t think that’s the reason. It is part of it, but the main reason you’ll never be a billionaire is that you would need to take from people.
It’s not about the money; it’s about the power.
We stay hungry, we devour.
It’s an addiction for some. For others, it’s like a security blanket. For others, it’s a source of power.
Mr Crabs: I like money 💰
I think there’s a number of different aspects to this that could put it in context.
Yes there are a few obscenely wealthy people, like a dozen in the world, for whom it’s just a game and pretty meaningless. For the remaining merely wealthy people:
Your means increase as you move through life and your responsibilities, commitments, and tastes also increase. I might earn 6 times what I did when I was 20, but now I’m supporting a family et cetera. This same dynamic effects wealthy people in a similar but different way. People tend to live beyond their means. Someone making several million a year might end up with a few holiday homes, a mistress or something, a bunch of truly expensive hobbies (like… a horse stud farm or something). They might realise they’re “wealthy” but unless they earn a bunch more money they won’t be able to race their horse in qatar or whatever thing they desperately need to do to validate themselves.
Another aspect I’ve heard of, is that wealthy people are often anxious of losing everything. If you have a business that earns millions, it’s sensible to worry that the market might change and suddenly it’s worthless. This is the reality for the majority of businesses that are not publicly traded. As in, great grandpa formed a company that made squillions of dollars selling woollen socks during the first and second world war, but by the 80s it was really just ticking over paying wages and by the 90s it was insolvent. It’s natural to want to consolidate your position by buying some other company that makes hats or whatever.
The vast majority of people only accumulate enough wealth for their own lives. Once you’ve reached that point where you really couldn’t reasonably spend the wealth you’ve accumulated, then you’ve probably already switched over to accumulating wealth for your progeny. Lasting generational wealth is more or less impossible unless you own a country or something because your progeny increases exponentially, and their lavish tastes increase, and their ability to make sensible financial choices decreases.
Finally, you don’t end up with more money than you could ever spend by being satisfied with however much money.
Littering.
SERIOUSLY this one pisses me off like no other. And I can maybe be more sympathetic to tossing biodegradable trash out a car window, like an apple core out into the ditch (which I know can still be a problem shh), but fuuuuck these people tossing the whole fast food sack out the car or whatever. Fuck you, find a trash can! You obviously live in one, you filth, toss it at home! Fuck!
I toss my apple cores and banana peels into the bushes. Never plastic, metal glass etc.
IMO it’s better that the apple cores goes directly to compost on some plant than to a landfill.
And I do this at my own home as well, if I finish an apple or banana, I’ll chuck it in the garden, maybe kick some sand over it.
Kissing. Why? What’s the point of it? What’s the appeal?
Do you mean making out? A quick kiss as a sign of affection makes sense to me. Locking lips and moving your tongues around? Weird. Maybe I’m doing it wrong, but if you are doing something that intimate, there are a lot more fun things to be doing.
It’s a precursor to the more fun things, ratcheting up the excitement levels for most.
Do people really just dive straight for the clitoris/dick without making out first? Not judging, just literally never considered that as a possibility. Also noted there are other forms of foreplay, but outside of some S&M branched stuff I always figured there was making out somewhere in the mix most of the time.
Well, that’s fair. I was thinking more along the lines of high school kids making out on benches at the mall. And uncomfortably intimate things that just are not that fun.
Also, dear god, that statement made me feel old. Do kids make out at the mall anymore?
I agree making out is better than diving for your partners privates. But have always felt like that step lingers for a little too long. Just personal preference.
Fair enough, I was thinking in more of an adult context. Totally respect your personal preference in that regard.
With teens, it’s kind of a combination of factors - lack of space they can privately do whatever intimate thing they please (malls/bleachers/whatever are public spaces, sure, but are places they can easily meet away from parents. They don’t necessarily care about the rest of the public), not yet being comfortable with the more fun stuff, and it still feels pretty good (though lower on the total spectrum of good feeling things possible between humans).
I can guarantee there’s kids in a mall somewhere making out while we’re having the conversation, unaware that they engaging in a dying ritual lumbering its way into the mists of time.
It’s intimate. It signals interest. Often you get to touch other parts of their body, too. Some people are good kissers and have the appropriate amount of forcefulness/submission for each other.
I’m older and experienced, and there have been exactly two men I have kissed who made it a good experience. I thought I just didn’t like it, but really it’s more like not many are any good at it. It’s an actively unpleasant experience with most.
So at least for me it’s as simple as, it feels really good and creates an intimacy between the parties involved even if it’s fleeting
The mine + yours thing is intimate. You are experiencing the same thing at the same time, while being somewhat vulnerable to the other participant.
Looking into someone’s eyes
Holding someone’s hand
Kissing someone’s lips
FrottingSmelling someone’s nose doesn’t quite feel like it would fit the list.
I’m with you there. I’ve only tried it a few times tbh and I’m 30. Didn’t understand it. It was simply wet, awkward, and unpleasant and I didn’t understand what I was supposed to be doing anyway.
Conceptually, I understand why people want and desire sex. For most people, it’s a basic human instinct that exists because of a species’s drive to further its own existence. But kissing? You’re at the wrong end there. I don’t get the appeal.
Insisting to spend your attention on exactly 1 (one) significant other.
I can’t imagine being monogamous.
Excellent answer you shouldn’t be downvoted for. I fully disagree because I’m terminally monogamous, but I have poly friends who are very happy to be poly!
Idk, I’ve been with the same monogamous partner for the past 10 years. I’m chillin. No complaints. When I imagine dealing with multiple romantic partners on top of all the other shit I deal with, it makes me want to blow my head off. One is enough.
Hahahaha I’m the other way around, I can’t imagine having enough energy and attention for more than one person
Having done both, it’s simple: you can’t have a deep relationship without time. Not just quality time, but quantity time as well. The more relationships you try to juggle, the less you can spend with any single person, and that limits the amount if emotional intimacy that you can achieve.
Yes, yes, love is infinite. The time that you have to be alive, however, is not.
That is even if you intentionally ignore any issues of jealousy.
Awesome answer
