my ex-boyfriend sam (19m) of a few years has been my longest relationship (as i’m still young). he ghosted me and i started to lose feelings for him. however, i still had hope.

he also “forgot” about me when he would give gifts to other people, wouldn’t mention me under “people he appreciates” but would mention everyone else, and wouldn’t even tell people abt me.

due to all this, i started to question actually being a lesbian who was only into guys because of comphet.

however, last night, when he finally saw my messages (he doesn’t use social media a lot), he apologized and said he should’ve done something other than ghost his gf. he agreed that we should break up, and said he was being this way due to mental health problems, and that if we got back together, he’d be a better bf.

he explained he still had feelings for me and would love to still be friends.

that’s when i realized that i had genuine feelings for him that were still there, not just comphet. i always loved him and felt sad when it seemed he didn’t love me the same way.

i understand he’s not ready for a relationship rn, and i think he should take his time. i also am not quite ready due to this being so recent and the fact that we haven’t done actual couple stuff in a while.

but after a while, when he gets better, hopefully we’ll still have feelings and both be good partners (better than we were then). after all, even if the not including me thing isn’t an excuse, the ghosting was due to poor mental health which he can’t control.

so i guess i’d also be biromantic with a preference for women.

i hope we can make this work >w<

  • venotic@kbin.melroy.org
    0·
    1 hour ago

    I’ve skimmed through this and this is all a recipe for what I keep referring to these situations as - a yo-yo effect. And this post has that written all over it for it to happen. This back and forth waves of feelings and those becoming conflicted with things that happened. How old are you? I’m curious because this all also sounds like this is just one of those cases of puppy-love, which is a phase all teenagers and even young adults go through.

    The answer for this particular case is ‘No’, because it sounds like everything is everywhere and it’s going to set itself up for failure. Reason being is that neither of you really sound like you’re truly grounded down into what you actually want and are chasing for a better version of the same things when you got together in the first place. It’s like - why?

  • thermal_shock@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    5 hours ago

    There’s like a billion other options. You said you’re young, no need to limit options, at all. Wait for someone who really cares for you and you’ll forget him so fast.

  • MrNesser@lemmy.world
    0·
    21 hours ago

    If your asking the question you already know the answer, at this point your looking for confirmation the choice you are making is the right one.

  • qwestjest78@lemmy.ca
    0·
    21 hours ago

    Always a bad idea. Breakups happen for a reason and its always best to move on than hang on to a broken relationship.

  • Botanicals@lemmy.world
    0·
    22 hours ago

    Even if everything he says is true he needs to learn to treat people better and not at the expense of your time and feelings. Leave him behind, work on yourself however feels right to you and you will very likely barely remember his name a decade from now. Don’t EVER settle for that sort of treatment.

    • drbollocks@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      0·
      18 hours ago

      i mean, i have to strain to remember the name of the guy who harassed me, so i probably won’t remember his name either after a decade :)

      thanks so much

  • bluegreenwookie@bookwormstory.socialEnglish
    0·
    1 day ago

    To answer the question in the title id say

    “What issues led to the break up and has that changed. If yes then go for it, if not then no”

    After reading the post I’d say

    Don’t wait for him. Try and move on. If he wants to get back together later consider it then.

    Honestly I’ve had people say that to me as a way to let me down easy rather than actually mean it. Waiting was a mistake.

    And I’m not saying he doesn’t mean it, maybe he does. But you’ll love again. You’re young. Grieve the relationship and move on. Judge later if he’s worth getting back together if that happens.

    That’s the best advice i can give.

  • catHerder93@lemmy.world
    0·
    1 day ago

    It’s ok for him to have poor mental health, but he should’ve said something rather than ghost you.

    I would not get back together with him. At least not until he deals with his issues. But I do think he just wants the “safety” of having you there, and doesn’t actually respect you enough for a healthy relationship

  • gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de
    0·
    1 day ago

    If you want my honest opinion, listen to what your feelings tell you. Don’t let people tell you what is “right” or “wrong”, as these are often meaningless concepts in relationships. Be responsible, but also: be happy.

  • forrgott@lemm.ee
    0·
    1 day ago

    You should search for info on “love bombing”. This sounds suspiciously similar. Basically, it’s about emotional manipulation to get you to willingly look past red flags and other problems.

    • The Octonaut@mander.xyz
      0·
      1 day ago

      I’m not sure this even counts because the guy basically said let’s be friends and she has leapt to thinking about getting back together. This just sounds like someone with issues of their own, if dating someone who is obviously unthinking but falls well within the predicted bounds of normal behaviour for a teenager makes them think they might be a lesbian.

      • drbollocks@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
        0·
        20 hours ago

        ah, he said “let’s be friends” but he wanted to get back together in the future and i was willing to do that, but obviously not now.

  • VodkaSolution @feddit.it
    0·
    1 day ago

    This can be an unpopular opinion, but…While I found stupid the ghosting and I condemn his behavior, I wouldn’t expect a 20yo to know how to manage those kind of situations.
    Also, trying again, trying harder, would not be a symptom of weakness: if you’re both willing to do it, you should; to clarify: trying harder does not mean to be more patient or tolerant towards things one does not like, but working to find better solutions for old and new problems.

  • klemptor@startrek.website
    0·
    1 day ago

    Girl. Have some dignity and kick him to the curb because it’s clear he’s not really interested in you. He probably wants you on standby in case his dick or his ego need stroking. Don’t make excuses for someone who’s mistreating you, especially at such a young age - you’re just inviting dysfunction. You can and will do better, but not if he’s in the way. Good luck.

  • Mothra@mander.xyz
    0·
    1 day ago

    Don’t. Leave him in the past. You both still have feelings for each other, but that doesn’t mean it will work. It’s going to be like last time if not worse, because snowballing any issues from the first time into this hypothetical second time.

    You deserve better. Mental health issues and being a social media hermit are no excuses. He probably didn’t mean to hurt you but he did, and will keep doing so over and over again until YOU set some boundaries.

    Set those boundaries, send him away. This has nothing to do with your preference, just stay open and listen to what you want in terms of a partner. Beyond sex and gender you deserve to be treated fairly.