Rules and leaders don’t have to be harmful or coercive though. Even very egalitarian communities need norms. Hell even an anarchosyndicalist commune will have some shared set of expectations of its members.
Like you said, cults are about control. I have a hard time seeing much of a parallel between the necessary structure and norms of a community or club, and the coercive nature of a cult.
Gigs. Either just buying tickets to random local venues. Our go see your favourite artists live, but make sure you get there early enough to see the openers.
I’ve discovered so many amazing bands because they opened for bands I already knew I liked.
If you can’t physically get to gigs then you can even just look up who your favourite artists are touring with, that will give you a pretty good sense of them being similar.