A lot of people kiss their pets or non-human animals in general. I find that very weird. I understand that it is a sign of affection but it seems so off. One reason is that I doubt whether animals really understand this. Also it seems to be on a level of intimacy to me that I find weird sharing with a pet. Not necessarily romantically or sexually (that would be even more weird and wrong and probably illegal). But it is still “more”. I am not sure whether I can really explain why exactly I find that weird.
Anyway, what is something that is weird to you but not to most other people?
As an introvert, most things that extroverts do are strange. I want nothing more than to go home during the course of a normal work day. Extroverts love to go back out and socialize more. No thanks.
I used to do that on a daily basis. I can’t even imagine anymore.
I genuinely struggle to understand this weird social game people play on platforms like Lemmy, where they seem eager to engage with content they don’t even like or that pisses them off. It’s like joining a bicycle forum only to find out everyone mostly just spends their time there shitting on tricycles.
It’s unbelievably bizarre to watch the back-and-forth: someone posts something that reinforces the negative parts of their worldview, then people rush into the comments to signal they think exactly the same way everyone else here does, get showered with upvotes for saying what people want to hear, and that incentivizes them to keep doing it. Meanwhile everyone else sees that as long as you make the right noises, you get to feel included in our little tribe - whose only real common ground is mutual hatred of the outgroup.
I can understand it from an anthropological point of view. We’re social primates and this kind of status game is what we do. But it’s incredibly difficult for me to put myself in any individual’s shoes and figure out how they’re seemingly oblivious to the pattern. When I scroll through some people’s post histories, that’s literally all they do, and it’s so fucking weird to me.
where they seem eager to engage with content they don’t even like or that pisses them off. It’s like joining a bicycle forum only to find out everyone mostly just spends their time there shitting on tricycles.
Rage Farming or “scientifically”, The Commodification of Trauma
I don’t get it either. But I still fall for it myself without even realizing it. It’s truly bizarre that we all have that tendancy to some degree; I can’t fathom why such a behaviour would have evolved to be necessary.
Partying
Never understood the appeal
If you don’t like partying, either you just don’t like people and music (which is fine, no shaming intended), or you have only ever been to bad parties.
A good party has:
- people who like each other and are all there to enjoy each others company (and they don’t need an excuse like watching sports to do that)
- good music
- a space where you can dance if you feel like it
- a space where the music is silent enough to have interesting conversations
- maybe a motto and costumes, some made with minimal effort, some self-made as an outlet for creative energy, maybe even some superficial roleplaying to go along with it
- maybe some other activity you can do together like table football or table tennis or twister or …
Seems like I’m the issue, I’ll go point by point:
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Since I don’t party, I don’t know anyone and if I happen to know someone we have nothing in common, as with most people my age, since they only care about looks, the gym, gossip and partying + I live in an uncivilised country where drinking = getting wasted and people often start around the mark of 11-12yo.
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I don’t like most modern music and have tinnitus. Also I’m not that big of a music fan in general, I’m more of a visual arts type of person.
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I don’t see the fun in dancing, can’t dance (no one has ever taught me) and feel very self conscious
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Wait, you are supposed to hear anything apart from the music?
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Costumes? Never heard of parties with costumes (apart from Halloween)
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There are places where you can do other activities outside of dancing with the people there?
Thank you for sharing your perspective. Let me first reiterate that none of what I wrote was intended as shaming or attacking people who do not like partying.
I strongly disagree with “Seems like I’m the issue”. Seems to me more like you have very good reasons to dislike all parties you could realistically attend currently, and to generalize from that to not liking parties in general is only natural.
I did not want to convince anyone they are wrong; just to share my perspective that not all parties are the same, and they can be fun even for people who think they don’t like them in general if done right.
Let me first reiterate that none of what I wrote was intended as shaming or attacking people who do not like partying.
I understood it and I’m very happy that you avoided calling me simply “no fun”, and instead you wrote a pretty sizeable and detailed comment
It’s nice seeing great people ;)
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Have you tried drugs
I think that’s the ticket for a lot of things like a rave, a party, or even a concert. I’ve been to 5 or 10 concerts in my life, and every single one. I’m bored silly after 30 minutes. I don’t drink or do drugs and I figure that’s the missing ingredient.
Oh yeah me neither. That must be it then, but I will not drink or do drugs just because of social pressure.
I never did it for the social pressure. I was always curious and then I found out they’re really fun
Have you ever looked at the back of a dollar bill
There’s some spooky shit going on back there. And it’s green, too!
I kiss my parrot because it is a cultural ritual we have built together. I make smoochy noises at him and he mimics them back to me because he wants to communicate. I kiss his little beak and he supposes this is a thing I must like doing so he starts doing it back. It makes me smile and make happy noises, which he recognizes. Now we have a fun thing we do that means we’re buddies. He trains me to offer up my nose for him to smooch if he makes a specific little whispery sound. His only reward is the opportunity to boop me on the nose with his beak but he evidently finds this incredibly amusing and will occasionally whisper at me relentlessly until I give in. He will let me smooch the back of his head at nighttime because it means he gets to stay up later. His feathers are soft and he smells nice so I like it too.
This was a delightful read that made me smile, thank you for sharing!
Oo what kind of parrot? And what country do you guys love birds that much? I want to visit 😁 we have 2, ourselves.
He’s a green cheeked conure. I also have an African Grey who doesn’t like to be smooched. What kind do you have?
Aww I love Greys!! They’re so smart and have such a wide vocabulary.
We sort of happened upon them from a couple who needed to surrender, but a Blue Fronted Amazon and more recently, a Goffin’s Cockatoo.
My Grey is kind of a dummy (or maybe just too smart to perform for my approval) but I love her anyway. She’s the sweetest and loves just hanging out on my shoulder.
I had a Blue Fronted years ago, he was the best boy ever. He was an amazing singer and mimic and loved to cuddle. Thanks for taking in birds that need homes!!
I’m stealing that
grab as you please, it’s from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=291ET6Py6H8
Hope I’m not ruining the vibe, but it’s a little disconcerting watching him do this positive performance of a happy song while wearing Leon “The Professional” shades…
Beautiful. I hope you post a video of your parrot doing the smoochie nosies because that’s just perfect…
I want to echo what Velma said…I recently received an incredibly painful text from my older brother, but your example of how animals love other animals, really grounds me. Im tearing up, but in relief, in awe, and in utter joy. This little anecdote is a great gift. Thanks for sharing!
Animals are easy to love, sometimes easier than loving other humans. Ultimately we all just want to connect, I’m glad I did with you today!
Don’t Artisans “stop hiring humans” sign make more sense now?
There is just something evil and repulsive about humans.
We’re vile.
But sometimes cute also.
You’ve obviously never kissed a naked mole rat
Found Ron Stoppable!
I doubt whether animals really understand this.
Not in the way you’re thinking of (“my human loves me!”), but they almost certainly understand it as a form of scent-marking (“we are tribe-family”), which is a pretty similar concept.
it seems to be on a level of intimacy to me that I find weird sharing with a pet.
Have you had (m)any pets?
Idk about all pets but dogs absolutely understand it’s a form of affection, they kiss each other too, they’ve been with humans tens of thousands of years… they get it
Cat’s are super social and very smart. They get it too. Hell, even budgies understand it.
Other than making some sort of vegan statement, what I find really weird is when people start talking to you in the grocery line.
Like, how are you happy to be there? I just want to get in, get my stuff, and get out. Socializing is super awkward at the best of times, so inviting it in that setting just feels weird to me. I have a buddy who always strikes up conversation with strangers, it’s awkward shopping with him.
Thanks for clearing the LZ, friend. Vegan statement incoming.
I do legitimately feel that eating the products of what is often by definition sexual abuse to be really fuckin weird, especially when one could just eat something that isn’t.
I find really weird is when people start talking to you
This. Why the fuck are you (random stranger in line/mall/gas pump/whatever) making small talk with me? What do you want? Oh I get it you’re one of those people for whom constant meaningless chatter is soothing. It turns your brain off.
It is the opposite to me. Please. Shut up.
Making a small talk is the only thing that changes someone from a complete stranger to a someone you know. Then they can tbecome a friend or even a best friend.
Most of us got our friends mostly at random. In middle school it was the one guy who randomly sit with me, same in college.
I think we are fine with total strangers becomming our friends, because most of the people are kind of really cool.
I understand that is not relaxing for you, but maybe to you understand a bit better: this kind of micro relationship is the basis for establishing the empathy needed for helping strangers in need.
Maybe no one needs anything anymore, but rewind to a less reliable world, and after a friendly chat on the road, then you see their wagon broken down on the road, you’re more likely to take a risk to help them out — you’ve established a base line of communication and empathy.
I don’t think they find it soothing, i think they’ve practiced it enough is not taxing, and they’re just keeping alive an old habit — even if true they’re not fully aware why.
By practice I got to the point small talk with strangers does not feel strange. And by doing this I noticed that I help strangers way more often.
Last time I noticed a man carrying his heavy kiting equipment. He was really struggling. I had some time so I helped hin carrying to the other end of the city.
Old me would never do that. I noticed I am also way better wigh kids. They like me and I am the best uncle.
Originally my personality is being a introverted geek whose enegry is drained by the people. But I wanted to change that. It worked wonderfully. It shows how much in a control of your life you can be.
Maybe no one needs anything anymore,
I’m guilty of dreading small talk myself, but no, this isn’t the case. Damn near everyone would be better off with more micro-relationships, more empathy, and more community support these days.
Problem is you never know if you’re going to have a nice chat about the weather, or get to listen to gramp’s reinterpretation of a talk radio political screed aimed at yourself or someone you love. And since so many things try to divert a large fraction of our attention to rage baiting political blurbs with no actual content, celebrity gossip, and outright propaganda, it’s not unreasonable to be wary of the possibility of getting from a source you can’t easily filter, turn off, or click away from.
People, especially those who are more introverted, seem exhausted by it all even while still responding to it. The psychological hooks are set pretty deep.
I’m enough of a conspiratorial thinker to believe this is by design. An attempt to move us away from empathy and community and teach us to rely on corporations and products for the kind of support you’re describing. Don’t wait for a kind stranger to help you change that wagon wheel, get a trail-side assistance package at the trading post before you set out…
You’re right. Someone’s benefiting from pissing in the common well. And it’s easier to put the piss in than take it out.
I’m just explaining the origins of this behavior — and why it might be worth it — even in the age of outrage.
I think we’d all benefit from the practice needed to make it easy to say “i appreciate your point of view, but i don’t talk politics with strangers. Hope you have a great day.”
Exactly, and i didn’t mean to hijack your comment. It’s just that it’s something that bugs the hell out of me, but that I completely understand at the same time.
I’ve started heading it off with stuff like, “I don’t watch the news, that’s how they send out the subliminal messages.” You have to be careful with those though, you could start a micro-relationship that goes on far longer than you want it to.
I keep meaning to ask you when I see you on here: do you have a go to vegan pancake recipe?
It’s honestly been a while since I’ve made pancakes, truth be told, but I recall this recipe being good:
Looks fun! I’ll have to give them a shot!
“Other than making some sort of vegan statement” is such an oddball exception.
I don’t mind the casual conversation. But do mind proselytizing.
I wear big, obvious headphones most of the time I’m anywhere in public. This usually helps to prevent people talking to me. Less of a problem here in Japan in general, though, which I like.
I genuinely don’t understand the double-speak when people say they love animals… and then they kill and eat them for taste pleasure. That is weird.
Apparently they love animals …with HP sauce.
Was leaving a supermarket, when a chugger/chunt asked for donations for an animal charity. Given my hands were full of heavy shopping, I just wanted to get back to the car, so I declined.
In what he must’ve thought was a witty moment, he said, “Don’t you like animals?”
To which I repiled, “Only with tomato sauce!”
(My wife and I had at the time two cats who lived to 15 and 16 years respectively, and who we thought of as family. We have a rescue cat now (only a few years old, we think), and we think of her as family, too. She’s a handful, as we’re a little older, but we love her, too. No tomato sauce!)
I hate it when cats get in my tomato sauce. Good response though
I think it’s weird how obsessed with people in general are with germs and dirt. Dirt can’t hurt you and most germs are harmless.
People seem to believe they and the world is inherently dirty and everyone and everything needs to be washed all the time and I just don’t think that’s true.
Unless something is a harmful pathogen or visibly/obviously dirty it’s really not worth worrying about
I bathed in mud (which is a lake most of the time) as a child and got bird fleas from it.
But i also know that playing in dirt as a child is important for the developement of the immune system.
The medic I sat next to the other day literally told me dirt can absolutely hurt you. You can get hanta virus from the dirt you kick up during a walk.
I agree with the spirit but also…
Dirt can’t hurt you and most germs are harmless.
Anthrax strains keeps popping up from dirt getting disturbed. It’s very unlikely, but the point is the dirt isn’t perfectly safe.
One reason is that I doubt whether animals really understand this
You would be objectively wrong on that. It’s been shown that affection to animals fires off the same parts of the brain in them as it does in humans, and delivers the same chemicals.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6826447/
Just because animals can’t communicate like you or me (though I firmly believe pets have a language that you can understand if you own one long enough), it doesn’t mean they don’t have the same feelings of bonding and closeness. Biologically we’re all very similar, so the Oxytocin that we get from being loved is identical to the oxytocin that THEY get when being loved.
Every cat I’ve ever met has a nice little language. It was always possible to tell when they were happy or annoyed at the very least. I love them. I always hope they know I love them.
Thank you for the link. Does the paper reveal anything about kissing specifically? Haven’t had the time to read it yet.
I know that humans and other animals can feel affection for each other and that physical contact, e.g., by stroking, induces a sensation of ‘affective touch’ facilitated by C-tactile fibers. So while kissing itself might induce similar effects by similar pressure force and temperature, I wonder whether it really makes a difference to ‘poking’ your pet with your finger in a similar way. In other words: if the physical sensation is similar, does another animal understand a kiss versus another form of affective touch?Dogs have the ability to read body language. So a gentle behaviour like kissing or cuddling would definitely be perceived differently than an abrupt gesture like poking them.
Gossiping, and the inevitable culture of “what will people say?” that comes along with it. I don’t really talk about other people when they’re not there. And it’s really weird when someone introduces you to a new person and they’re like “I’ve head so much about you”. It almost sounds threatening.
Having kids. I just don’t get it.
Huh. That’s an odd one. We are all here because someone had kids, you grew up with people who had kids, it’s a funny thing to not understand. I always wanted kids but can wrap my mind around people not wanting them, feel everyone should live their lives the way they want & most of my kids don’t themselves want kids (though they all like kids, they just each want one of their siblings to give them nieces).
Raising kids is by far the best work I ever did, and babies are cute, little children are delightful, teenagers are cool, and now as adults they are awesome.
I don’t get having kids before making the world at least a decent place. And the main thing that is wrong with the world is not climate change, some resource constraint, or even the psycho dictators ruling over us all.
It is the human flaws that make this all possible. There is just something fundamentaly very wrong with humans. We won’t make it unless we engineer this out on a fundamental level.
We need to treat Psychopathy genes as a lethal disease, as if it were SARS, and everyone needs to be “vaccinated”.
Just giving humans a predisposition towards empathy would be step 1.
Step 2 is creating an anti-trust structure where no one can really have power, that keeps itself strictly in-check. Constutionaly allow citizens to dislodge or if necessary kill leaders who violate the law, and don’t get arrested.
And those citizens should be let off free, if certain conditions are meet (illegality of the leader obvious enough, he was asked to step down, law-enforcement did nothing, certain amount of time passed).
Everyone needs to have their own independent resources. No one should be in the position to be exploited. This must be ensured by LAW.
I see it from the complete opposite direction. What is wrong with the world and humans is all the generational trauma and how we used to raise and treat children.
So in my view the only way to heal the world is through children which are raised from parents who ideally have already worked on their trauma to be strong and caring individuals and learned to handle their emotions without supressing them.
Of course the political system is important too, but the thing is you need strong individuals first. If you have a population of people which have had their individuality “beaten out” and are slaves to their emotions they will inevitable seek comfort in groups and leaders leading to authorian regimes and fascism.
You can’t change adults much. Every change has to come through our children.
I’m guessing us misfires need to get out of the way, probably die too in order to make way for this healthy generation.
I don’t get having kids before making the world at least a decent place.
That seems like a very tall order for a single generation, and for such a large area (worldwide).
If everyone thought this way, we’d probably be extinct by now — or at least massively declining in places where birth control and abortions are widely accessible, since every birth would be an accident.
(To be clear, I can understand why one might not want to bring kids into the world in its current state. It doesn’t seem unreasonable)
Out of curiosity, what’s not to get? It’s a biological imperative for the human race to continue. I can absolutely get not wanting kids and choosing to be ‘child free’, but it’s personally not that difficult to understand why people chose to have them.
It might be an imperative for the human race, but not on an individual level. There is no must … there is no law in the universe that says that we must continue.
In line with the other commenter, I can only speak for myself. Nothing about parenting is appealing to me, and I can’t even think of one aspect of my life that would improve. A long list of cons with no pros. I’ve accepted that people are just wired differently. For me it makes no sense, but others go through great effort and expense to become parents (e.g. those with fertility issues going through various treatments).
Sorry, but to me this sounds the same like a suicidal person saying, they don’t get why people want to live.
Of course everyone can do what they want. But I can totally understand someone who doesn’t want kids or who wants to off themself. The not being able to understand people wanting to have children part seems a bit pathological to me.
Absolute get that opinion. Nobody should ever feel pressured by society or individuals to have children
I had my kids later in life, having travelled the world and had a few long-term relationships. The version of me that was diving in Thailand, working in bars in New Zealand and exploring catacombs in Paris in his 20s found the concept of having kids almost absurd.
I was 36 when my first son was born, 38 when we had our 2nd. It’s an absolutely profound experience and everything else I’ve experienced pales in comparison to fatherhood. My younger self would never have believed it, and I don’t expect anyone who’s not got kids to fathom what it’s like.
In fact, I fully expect people who read this who don’t have kids to find the sentiment condescending and even a little patronising. I know I would have.
But I’m not controlled by my biology.
I can be hungry and choose not to eat. I understand the need for reproduction on a species level, but from my point of view having children looks like peer pressure and Stockholm syndrome. There is no upside for the individual.
Can you choose not to breathe or drink? I’m all for people electing not to have kids, but eating is a biological necessity for life. Your analogy isn’t the best, mate. You’re arguably not controlled by your biology when it comes to reproduction, but what about sex drive? Does that have no impact on your habits or lifestyle? Again, it’s possible, but not the norm.
Contraceptives exists. A desire for sex is not a desire to reproduce.
Like I don’t understand what wanting kids even implies. What specifically do people yearn for that can’t be attained in other ways?
I think many people had happy childhoods, enjoyed family life, and want the same when they’re older. Most humans are tribal and often want to be part of a family and, indeed, to add to it.
Personally, I was indifferent to having children throughout my 20s and well into my 30s. My wife was keen, and I wasn’t averse to the idea.
As it happens, it was, by an order of magnitude, the best decision I made in my entire life. It completely altered my perception of self, the world, and everything.
Still sounds like Stockholm syndrome.
You should probably talk to someone, mate.
I’ve never really gotten it either. Might be because I’ve never really liked kids even when I was one. Loud human noises tend to drive me up a damn wall and if there’s one thing kids and alcoholics have in common it’s their love for being as loud as possible. Also every time I hear people talk about their kids, there’s always so much negativity even when they’re trying to make it sound positive. What’s there to gain from having them other than the supposed animalistic instinct to reproduce parents love to bring up?
My personal goal is to give my dog 1 million kisses in his lifetime because I know he’ll only be around for 10-15 years. It sounds like you’ve never had a pet or an animal rely on you and I’m sorry for that/I find that weird 🤷🏽♀️
I lost my girl at 8. Didn’t quite get there. :-(
Regarding my cat: ahem
If not for kisses, why made of soft??
For cuddles of course.
I would also not do this for a human, I think. Humans are too corrupt at heart, they have to make every sign of affection mean something other than it is.
While animals don’t have jobs, or dumb fears. They just want a cuddle.
What the fuck
I too used to think that kissing a cat on it’s head was weird. Then I got a cat.
I will smother my cat in kisses specifically to get the “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME” reaction.
