I think it is immoral. The point of separation is to allow time to repair the relationship. Having extra relations during the time meant to focus on repairing the main relationship is cheating. Full stop.
Many states require a separation period before divorce, which means it’s not necessarily for repairing the relationship. That being said, with no plan to actually get divorced, I think we need more details to make any judgment.
This is a bizarre opinion…divorce is a long and expensive process. People sepearate all the time and don’t immediately divorce. I have no clue why you assume separated = working on things? More likely separated = preparing for the actual divorce process.
It’s not a bizarre opinion it’s a thing I have been through. While it depends on state where I live if you don’t have any intention on repair don’t separate go to divorce
Bruh idk how to spell this out for you more clearly. Divorce is long, stressful, and expensive as absolute fucking shit. People tend to take their time with this. You’re living in fairy tale land.
Agree. Lots of time there’s abuse, probably healthy to have a normal relationship while divorce is being finalized. My now wife stayed married to her ex for a while out of compassion so that he didn’t lose healthcare coverage and have to start COBRA.
Need more context. It could be immoral or it could be ok.
Why are they separated? Why are there no plans on divorce? Is the other half ok with it? Do they intend to get back togerher?
If pressed for a yes or no answer without more information I’d say it’s ok.
Nope, as long as their spouse is ok with it.
Does their spouse know? How do they feel about it?
There are many situations where it doesn’t matter if the spouse knows or not.
If the spouse is/was abusive and they are separated because getting a divorce is difficult or they have some silly opposition to divorce because of religious beliefs, their awareness and opinion doesn’t matter.
Wife’s okay with it as long as he doesn’t neglect him family.
Then it’s fine.
No problem then, marriage is just a paper. Just be careful about property in case of divorce.
Probably alright then.
I personally believe if everyone involved is fine with it, then that’s ok.
But of course that can change, I guess be aware of that?
Yeah TL;DR you’re good I think.
Then it’s ok
I’ll allow it.
Up to you.
Assume they’ll never get divorced, are you okay if that? If yes, fine. Do what you want to do
I am.
I am what many would call a relationship anarchist. That refers to the argument against default norms. If two or more people are in a relationship, is it not up to them to decide its terms? By this line of thought, assuming the person you’re dating has no moral obligation to who they share a marriage document with, and they are fine with you dating them, and you’re fine with it, by definition it’s all fine.
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I support your relationship anarchy.
Morality is about your community’s established principles.
I grew up in a Christian community where it absolutely would be considered immoral. I am no longer Christian, and am in a community that is tolerable of far more types of relationships. This situation would probably still quirk some eyebrows, but generally if everyone involved (husband, wife, you in this case) are all informed and consent to the situation, then it wouldn’t be considered immoral.
That’s not what moral is.
Moral is about what is right or wrong, not about a communities establushed rules.
Right and wrong against what framework? I gave an example of one community that would think this is wrong while another doesn’t.
And I said established principles, not rules, just in case you mistook that I was talking about legality.
I don’t know who OP is, so if they’re, idk, a conservative Muslim in Pakistan, I would not have the appropriate context to say what is moral or not in their community. I can only say what would be considered immoral within my own and why.
If you want to jump all the way down the rabbit hole into Plato, Kant, and Nietzsche, I’ll defer as those arguments tend to deteriorate quickly on the internet and it’s not what OP is looking for.
You literally wrote this:
Morality is about your community’s established principles.
And that is wrong.
No need for any framework, moral is just; what is right, and what is wrong.
Do you think what is right and what is wrong is universally agreed-upon? I don’t think it’s as clear-cut as you’re trying to make it sound.
Right and wrong according to who?
My friend, you don’t know what you don’t know.
Websearch “is morality a human construct” and have your awareness opened to literally thousands of years of philosophical discourse.
Experience life outside your bubble and learn that what is “right” in one community is taboo in another.
And maybe you can learn how not to be condescending.
Moral is literally what (people think is) good and bad.
My friend, I am really trying not to be condescending but you seem to be struggling to comprehend what I am saying. Your own definition supports me.
“What people think is good and bad” is exactly my point. What I think as an ex-christian in Eastern United States, born in the decade in which I was born, experiencing all I have experienced, all influences what I believe to be right or wrong in OPs scenario.
A person on the other side of the world from a different culture, different religion, a different demographic, different political experiences, may have an entirely different view on right or wrong here.
Different people think different things and philosophers have debated what this means about morality since before Plato in 400 BCE.
And you should learn to accept when you’re wrong.
Would it be morally right to kill hitler?
Some people think morally, any murder is wrong.
Other people think morally, not murdering him would be wrong.So - no - there are plenty of shades of grey in morality. Many times, what is moral, is taught from our communities as we grow up.
No
Immoral? No, especially if they’re in an open relationship.
A little unusual? Yeah, I’d personally want to talk to the spouse one on one before ever agreeing to something like that. There are billions of people on the planet, surely there is someone that is available for you and not legally committed to somebody else
The no divorce plans is sus af. Why don’t they plan on divorce?
Depends on the reason, but yeah I would question this. I knew a couple separated with no plans on divorce, but only because they were too poor to afford it. They just separated and lived in different cities, so idk. And no they don’t plan on getting back together. It’s been years.
They have 2 young children together and want to give them a stable, nuclear family upbringing.
I am unsure that is actually a stable family.
Agreed, I would personally have more issues with the situation if there are kids involved. An amicable divorce and full engagement from both parents in a shared parenting plan would be way better for the kids than staying together nominally and having outside relationships, IMO.
To the “is it moral” question, I would start edging to “no” if I thought the kids were being harmed in any way.
Where does ‘separated’ come into it? This sounds like an open relationship. Assuming the other party actually knows, which is doubtful.
They’re separated cause they’re just housemates, don’t have a romantic / sexual relationship anymore. And the wife knows, we talked.
As someone who’s been in a similar situation (they split, but couldn’t afford to move out), I don’t recommend it. Shortly after we split, they got back together.
The entire situation was a heavy drag on our (short) time together, and is certainly a factor in why we didn’t work out.
Yea nah fuck that, man. That’s weird af. I wouldn’t fux with that.
Wait, are they still living together. If so, fuck that dude.
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Lol. Should have said “fuck that, dude”
Sounds like an affair to me.
Separated = not together. So no, go wild
Adultery is still a crime in some places. Make sure yours isn’t one of them. I’d say just in general CYOA this reeks of ending poorly.
Are there any Western countries where adultery is illegal?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adultery_laws#United_States
The laws are almost never enforced but it’s a felony in 3 states, a misdemeanor in several more.
Dated a woman that was still married and lived in the house still owned with the ex. He’d come around and work on stuff, etc. I never met him, but yeah, she couldn’t figure out why our relationship never went anywhere…
The whole point of separation even a trial separation is to see if a divorce is needed or wanted. So people should be dating while separated especially since divorce can take a long time. So go for it. Just keep in mind this just might be a short term relationship depending on how the separation goes. Focus on it being a good STR and if it evolves into a LTR that is great as well. Good luck
I’d say first define what you mean by moral (just to be sure we’re all using the same framework).
Bigger picture: this is just a not-good scenario all around. It’s intentionally choosing to be involved a messy, muddy situation, regardless of ethics or morality. Simple pragmatism is enough to steer clear of such situations.
